Dear Diary

[Lothlorien]

I'm sorry that ant is not continuing down the right path. I hope he find the right path soon, else he'll end up back in jail. I'd hate to see that happen. You've done all that you could. Will say prayers that he finds his way.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ant's Mom... is Kaleb your grandson? Is ant adopted? I'm wondering why you couldn't get custody. I know you said you consulted a lawyer... it got me wondering.
At any rate, here's some more support.

 

[DazedandConfused]

<span style='font-family: Georgia'>I'm so sorry. You did so much for Ant. You're right, though, he's 23. An adult. The reins of his life are in HIS own hands. You have your life to live and owe Ant no explanations.I hope that this will be short lived and Ant will realize he needs to get back on track. Not only for himself, but also for his son.
</span>

 

[Wiped Out]

Janet,
I'm so sorry. I hope some day he is able to turn things around. You have done all you could. Many hugs to you.

 

[Sunlight]

Ant's Mom... is Kaleb your grandson? Is ant adopted? I'm wondering why you couldn't get custody. I know you said you consulted a lawyer... it got me wondering.


ant is my biological son, not adopted. kaleb is my grandson, ant's only child. I consulted a lawyer for two reasons:
Kaleb's mom is in texas now visiting an old flame. she has said she may move and take kaleb there. also, if ant would go back to jail, I would want to have rights to have kaleb.

however, unless his own parents abuse him, or abandon him, nothing I can do to get legal custody.

 

[Ephchap]

Awww, Janet, I'm so sorry. I can feel your heart sinking with your post. Remember, there is always hope; he can still turn things around.

Here's hoping he does.
Hugs,
Deb

 

[Ally]

Im so sorry that things have taken a turn for the worse. He was doing so well. Hopefully he will realize quickly what he is doing is not going to work and turn back on the right path.

(((((Hugs))))

Ally

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Janet,

What a devastating turn of events. I am so sorry Ant seems unable to stop ruining things just when they seem to be going right. Mind you, this time he managed to keep going a lot longer than ever before, so maybe, just maybe, next time it will be even longer, until he finally "gets it" for once and for all.

You certainly have done all you could -- and more -- to help your son. I truly think you are blessed that boyfriend is in your life and in Ant's life.

I'm having a lot of problems relating to my own difficult child these days. I feel quite cold towards him and quite honestly hate having him in the house (he lives at home) and can't wait for him to leave. I don't think I could ever be the wonderful supportive mother you have been for so many years, including the tough love part of it that you have also tried several times. One thing is for sure: you have nothing at all to blame yourself for. 100 percent of the responsibility lies on Ant now, and I truly hope he will come to his senses before any real damage.

By the way, alarm bells started ringing for me when you mentioned your ex-husband's appearance. I'm worried about you and Ant regarding that.

I'm praying for you all.

Love, Esther

 

[On_Call]

Janet,

I just want to add my hugs and support here. I started reading this post yesterday, but I also got booted off the net. Just got back on this morning.

I was so sad to read about this recent turn of Ant's attitute and behavior. You have travelled such a long road with him and it was starting to look like the worst was over. I am so sorry to hear that some of his past temptations have come back to tap him on the shoulder.

Perhaps living on his own for bit will do the trick? Regardless, I agree with everyone who posted - none of this is your fault or responsibility at this point. You have seen Ant through some of the darkest times imaginable and now he has to go out and do it on his own. Hopefully, he will see the light and living apart will be a good thing. I will keep you all in my thoughts - especially Kaleb.

Hugs to you.

 

[rejectedmom]

Janet I am so very sorry for this new development. As we know all addicts will slip. It still hurts like heck when it happens. I hope Ant realizes that he is losing ground and gets himself back to AA. I cannot believe that all the old habits are comming back into play. The lies, the blaming, the indifference to Kaleb's needs, all starting up yet again. How very very very sad.

Janet you have done all you could. You have been an inspiration for all of us here on the board. May God help you to continue to find a new and happier life. ((((HUGS))))-RM

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Ant's Mom,

I'm so sorry that this has happened!!! Reading this just makes me so :sad:!!! Ant had been doing so well... I'm very proud of you. For what it is worth, in my humble opinion, you are doing the right thing!!! Ant is a grown man. He needs to be living on his own. He is responsible for the choices he makes. You should not have to suffer because of his poor choices.

I know this must be so hard for you. My heart goes out to you. I'll keep praying that Ant finds his way again. In the meantime, I'm glad you are taking care of you!!! Sending cyber hugs :flower: WFEN

 

[Nancy]

Janet,

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for you and most of all I'm sorry for Kaleb. It makes me angry that children have to pay for the sins of their parents. It just doesn't seem right that Antcan continue to behave in a way that is so detrimental to his family.

by the way I know you didn't mean this like it sounded, but my daughter is my own too, even though we adopted her.

Nancy

 

[judi]

Hi Janet....you seem so at peace with things. I'm sorry that things are not working out at the moment. As we both know, this can change quickly,(said tongue in cheek).

THe absence of feeling is something we share. I do love and will always love my son. However, he is choosing to not live the way he should. I only hope and pray that this is temporary.

You are so right, you must live in the now and deal with it as best as you can.

 

[Just keep swimming]

Ahhhhh, dang it all! He had been doing sooooo well! I pray that this was a short lived spell of "rebellion against the system" and that he will see that he has to pull it together for himself and for precious Kaleb.

Hugs and continued prayers,
Vickie

 

[TYLERFAN]

I am really sorry to hear this Janet.
Ant seemed to be doing so well.
I wonder what could have triggered this.
You have done a heroic job with Ant. Now I guess nature takes it's course.
I'm sorry...... :angel:

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[TerryJ2]

Janet, just checking in. How is he doing? And more important, how are you doing?

 

[Shari]

Aw, Janet, darnit. Ant was doing so good...

I think you are right, you've done all you can and then some. It is time for Ant to move on.

I'll pray this is a short-lived relapse. Many hugs.

 

[saving grace]

Janet

I am just catching up with this post. I am so sorry this is happening. My thoughts were while reading your post, it seems tht Ant is RE acting to to something, it very well could be that he wants the freedom to be "with" women, he wants to feel more like a man but is scared to venture off on his own, resents you because he needs you so much. I DO NOT believe that Ant doesnt appreciate you, I know he does You know he does, he is just reacting to something and they always hurt the ones they love the most because we are the ones that they know will always be here no matter what. He is pushing your buttons. It takes so much energy, so much more than we can imagine for them to stay sober, everyday things are work for them, he is tired and frustrated and coming to a fork in the road and these guys do not know how to problem solve, they do not make good decisions. He is feelin weak, thats why he went to Dad, because he knows he can be weak and the Dad wont care.
Do you think he could be reacting to any of the personal stuff you were going through with boyfriend, did he know?

I think it is time he gets out on his own, its scary and hard but he cant relapse everytime something is hard. He has the ground work now he needs to finish the job.

Grace

 

[DDD]

The "sleepovers" triggered similar issues around here. It is
so frustrating, disappointing and down right tiresome. Just remember you are not alone. Sending supportive thoughts and prayers from Florida north. DDD

 

[saving grace]

Yes DDD I also have the same issue here, I actually had a conversation recently with difficult child that went something like. I do not want you "entertaining" your girlfriend while in my house, I give you privacy but please respect me and my house and not do it here. He actually looked at me like I had 5 heads and started laughing, I asked why he was laughing and he kept saying "are you serious" I couldnt tell if he was serious or not then finally he said "where am I supposed to do it" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him that wasnt my problem and he said Oh ok Ma I will just ask J (his friend) if I can use his truck for 20 minutes.. I said I dont care what you do just dont do it in my house.

UGH

Not alone Janet

Grace