Desperately Seeking Me

[DammitJanet]

Your son is very young so at this point saying you will never have a relationship with him is premature. He has a long time to get his act together and look back and realize just what he had and what he has done. Hold on and wait. He really may come around. It may take until his mid 20's but that is okay. right now he needs to grow up and you need to be safe. You dont want him to do something to you that would land him in jail for the rest of his life. That would be the worst thing. you may be saving him.

 

[pasajes4]

You are doing the most loving thing that you can possibly do. Your son needs a wake up call and this is the first step. You must show him that even though he does not value you, you value yourself. Don't worry about what other peope think (including family). If they have anything to say, invite them to your home and let them see the damage. You can also let them know that they are more than welcome to take him into their home.

 

[JJJ]

Please let us know that you are okay. I hope he obeyed the restraining order. Please let your neighbors know to call the police immediately if they see your son near your home.

 

[Nancy]

NH thank you for updating us, we were all worried about you. Thank goodness for your friends. You are doing the right thing. Even though it seems very final it does not have to be that way. Like others have said your son is young and much can happen to change the relationship for the better. You have taken a very important step for yourself. From this day forward you will never allow anyone to mistreat you again. You are empowered. Believe it or not you are sending a very powerful message to your son and in the end he will either understand that message and respect it and get help for himself or continue down a path that will get him in trouble elsewhere.

Please continue to post here for support.

Nancy

 

[Hound dog]

No Hope

It seems strange, but you are right now doing the very best you can for both yourself and your son. You are actively taking steps to ensure your safety. You are setting up boundaries that your son will quickly discover there are some pretty serious consequences if he ignores them. He needs to come to understand that currently he is out of control. It will take time. When it eventually happens, it will be the first step toward seeking help, which is the goal.

Your son is still very young yet. It is impossible to know how your relationship might be even next year, let alone 5 yrs down the road. But your safety has to always come first and foremost. You may be surprised at how much a young male can grow and change in the course of just a year or two. Heck, sometimes months.

Now comes the hard part, sticking to the boundaries you've set into place. He can react either by falling totally apart and begging you to let him come home while promising the world or going ballistic. Believe it or not the first one is the hardest to resist as a Mom. And you must realize that the Order of Protection applies to YOU as well as to him. You have to have no contact and stay away from him as well. If you initiate contact it makes your order invalid. And that is the last thing you want.

I'm so glad you updated. Stay in touch. Vent. Cry on our shoulders. Ask questions. We're here whenever you need us.

((hugs))

 

[toughlovin]

Just want to clarify on protection orders... and how they are enforced may vary a bit from state to state. You cannot violoate your protection order. Initiating contact does not necessarily make the order invalid... although it makes you look bad in court when it is time for an extension. It is up to him to stay away from you and have no contact... even if you initiate contact he can be arrested if the authorities find out he had contact with you. So you put him at risk if you initiate contact and so clearly should not do that. And again states may vary, in my state there are different levels of contact, so that you can have a protection order that allows phone contact for example.

TL