Okie Girl, good morning. I know it's hard on the day they go to court. I remember those days well. If you can, think of it this way: He is **somewhere**. He is getting food and shelter and presumably no drugs. He has met his match at least for today. That is good.
And: something has changed. When one thing changes for them, there is a chance (if they will take it) for more change.
And you are not the "agent" of this change---the "system" is. Let the system work, even in its deficiencies. That is another good thing.
And as you feel your feelings, and think about this, try to alternate between the close up view and the view from 20,000-feet.
The broad view is this: Each person on this earth has a life to live. We create that life by our own choices. We and we alone are responsible for those choices. Nobody else. We can get honest and real and sincere, and if we do, there is so much help available. But as long as we want to life a dishonest life, we will have to face the consequences. The consequences of our own decisions.
Those of us who love people who continually choose badly are in pain. That is part of our own journey, and we are being "refined by fire." I don't know about you, but I have learned so much on this awful journey.
Today, I really notice people who are controlling, or self-absorbed, or victims, or who sit and expect others to make things happen. I don't want to be around people like that.
I want to be around people who are honest, trying hard, focusing on what is real in life, and trying to help other people. That is how I try to be myself (and of course I fail often).
We must accept that we have to live in an uncertain world. We can't fix things. We can't make other people do things. We can barely run our own lives.
People have to ultimately grow up or their lives will always be harder than they have to be. My son has made progress, but I can tell you, he still has a lot of growing up to do. It's hard to be around him sometimes. I love him, but his thinking and his decision making and his lifestyle is very hard to be around.
That's okay. I think my job is acceptance. Accepting reality. My son's life may always be hard and it may always be hard for me to have a whole lot of constant and close contact with him. I can still love him and determine how much to be involved with him.
I'm not saying at all that I "do this" well or have it all figured out. I just have to take it one day at a time, feel my feelings, fall down, get back up, start practicing again what I have learned, step up my tools, and get back to level ground. That is how I cope and how I get better and better at staying out of his way.
We're here for you. Keep us posted on you and on him as you can. Warm hugs especially today.
