newstart
Well-Known Member
I sent my daughter a text that told her the only communication I will have with her is through text messaging. Her dad has not said one word to her for a long time, of course it hurts him but it is better than riding that roller coaster and hearing the lies.
The change that is happening is that I am reading the detatching information and putting it into action.
I got a hand written note from her, saying what she usually says about her working hard and trying and trying to blame her unacceptable behavior on me. The reason her life is so bad is not because of her bipolar/borderline, it is because of me. The most frustrating thing for her, is me asking what exactly am I doing that causes her life to be so bad. She knows that if the problem was with me I would correct it immediately because I believe peace in the family is my most high priority. What she thinks I need to do is put up with the abuse. The lies, stealing, and other things that I can not live with. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars on her private college eduation..She is educated and very smart, gifts that are not being used to better herself. She picks a mate that does not contribute to anything, he is disrespectful to both my husband and myself. I know who she picks is none of my business but I would NEVER pick a person that treated my parents ugly. Huge red flag.We have tried, God knows we have tried but there comes a point where it just is not going to work and I am ok with it. The relationship does not work between the both of them either, she kicks him out of her house ever few months, he has to pack his stuff and move back in with his mother, he is 43 year old for God's sake. I guess I need to be thankful that he has not punched her lights out, how he has kept from doing that is a miracle. I try to look at the situation as positive as I can, two very ill people living together with no real leadership. Both keeping each other stuck and in misery.
At least now that I am taking a distant break from all the self made drama, I can begin to heal and study the detatching article a bit. I say this everyday, I did not cause it, I can not cure it and I can not control it.
I felt like the walking dead after being around her the last few months. She refused to medicate and she does nothing about going to therapy or steps on how she can help herself not be so abusive. She believes everyone just needs to put up with her abuse. The abuse is not just talking ugly, it is lies, stealing, setting people up to fail, slaming them on social media and just making their lives miserable. Actually putting time and energy into how to harm someones life.
Have any of you ever felt your conduct disordered child tainted with your food? I remember one time my daughter brought me an orange drink and I got very sick afterwards. It stays in the back of my mind that she may have tainted with my food. I have felt that a few other times. When she dropped off her partial payment yesterday she put it into the mail box, she put some salmon she cooked in foil. One of my favorite foods is grilled salmon, I would like to think this is a peace offering but still in the back of my mind it is there.
The good thing about this 'break' that I am taking is that normal business is still running and hopefully she can get her mania under control. When she is not in a relationship with anyone, she can stay on top of her mania and live an ok life but with a man living with her and his illnesses, it makes for a bomb. If they were happy together and could pay their bills, it would not matter how my husband and I felt about them being a couple. When they break up, I usually have to help heal her broken heart and she calls me and comes over all distraught and in agony. I usually give her a massage, fix her something good to eat, buy her some clothes to brighten her day etc etc By doing this, I am really not helping her and this is the kind of stuff I would do for anyone that is hurting, I can not be who I am, it does not help her. It is hard for me to detatch and ignore, it goes against who I am at the core but her awful behavior forces me to do things that I have to in order to help her and in order for me to survive though the awful emotional and spiritual beatings.
I understanding strongly that there is nothing stronger and important than a bond of humans coming together to help, prosper, encourage, support, love each other on this life journey that only goes by too quickly. Each word, thought and action should be spent lifting each other up, encouraging each other, being very kind and loving. I tell my daughter this all the time. We sleep 8 hours, we work 8 hours and the rest of the time is very short and to spend even a second of that time being ugly or harmful to another person is just so awful and extremely spiritually immature. I do not want anyone in my life that will hurt or harm innocent people on a regular basis, it is just too awful for my spirit.
And that person doing the harm to us is our own daughter. My heart is so broken.
The change that is happening is that I am reading the detatching information and putting it into action.
I got a hand written note from her, saying what she usually says about her working hard and trying and trying to blame her unacceptable behavior on me. The reason her life is so bad is not because of her bipolar/borderline, it is because of me. The most frustrating thing for her, is me asking what exactly am I doing that causes her life to be so bad. She knows that if the problem was with me I would correct it immediately because I believe peace in the family is my most high priority. What she thinks I need to do is put up with the abuse. The lies, stealing, and other things that I can not live with. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars on her private college eduation..She is educated and very smart, gifts that are not being used to better herself. She picks a mate that does not contribute to anything, he is disrespectful to both my husband and myself. I know who she picks is none of my business but I would NEVER pick a person that treated my parents ugly. Huge red flag.We have tried, God knows we have tried but there comes a point where it just is not going to work and I am ok with it. The relationship does not work between the both of them either, she kicks him out of her house ever few months, he has to pack his stuff and move back in with his mother, he is 43 year old for God's sake. I guess I need to be thankful that he has not punched her lights out, how he has kept from doing that is a miracle. I try to look at the situation as positive as I can, two very ill people living together with no real leadership. Both keeping each other stuck and in misery.
At least now that I am taking a distant break from all the self made drama, I can begin to heal and study the detatching article a bit. I say this everyday, I did not cause it, I can not cure it and I can not control it.
I felt like the walking dead after being around her the last few months. She refused to medicate and she does nothing about going to therapy or steps on how she can help herself not be so abusive. She believes everyone just needs to put up with her abuse. The abuse is not just talking ugly, it is lies, stealing, setting people up to fail, slaming them on social media and just making their lives miserable. Actually putting time and energy into how to harm someones life.
Have any of you ever felt your conduct disordered child tainted with your food? I remember one time my daughter brought me an orange drink and I got very sick afterwards. It stays in the back of my mind that she may have tainted with my food. I have felt that a few other times. When she dropped off her partial payment yesterday she put it into the mail box, she put some salmon she cooked in foil. One of my favorite foods is grilled salmon, I would like to think this is a peace offering but still in the back of my mind it is there.
The good thing about this 'break' that I am taking is that normal business is still running and hopefully she can get her mania under control. When she is not in a relationship with anyone, she can stay on top of her mania and live an ok life but with a man living with her and his illnesses, it makes for a bomb. If they were happy together and could pay their bills, it would not matter how my husband and I felt about them being a couple. When they break up, I usually have to help heal her broken heart and she calls me and comes over all distraught and in agony. I usually give her a massage, fix her something good to eat, buy her some clothes to brighten her day etc etc By doing this, I am really not helping her and this is the kind of stuff I would do for anyone that is hurting, I can not be who I am, it does not help her. It is hard for me to detatch and ignore, it goes against who I am at the core but her awful behavior forces me to do things that I have to in order to help her and in order for me to survive though the awful emotional and spiritual beatings.
I understanding strongly that there is nothing stronger and important than a bond of humans coming together to help, prosper, encourage, support, love each other on this life journey that only goes by too quickly. Each word, thought and action should be spent lifting each other up, encouraging each other, being very kind and loving. I tell my daughter this all the time. We sleep 8 hours, we work 8 hours and the rest of the time is very short and to spend even a second of that time being ugly or harmful to another person is just so awful and extremely spiritually immature. I do not want anyone in my life that will hurt or harm innocent people on a regular basis, it is just too awful for my spirit.
And that person doing the harm to us is our own daughter. My heart is so broken.
