difficult child home--House rules--what would you add.

[everywoman]

He's home. I can already see the problems starting. I am hoping that he has changed---but my doubts are strong. We have told him the house rules. He knows he will be out on the street if he breaks them. I have made them non-sexist so that he doesn't feel easy child is being treated any differently. What else would you add.
House Rules

1. I will not be your warden. I will not question who calls or who you leaves with. I will not lecture you about your lifestyle, friends, or where you are going. But you will be polite enough to let me know your plans and call if plans change.
2. I will not be your maid or your cook. If I choose to cook, you are welcomed to eat, but if not, you are on your own. Wash your own dishes, pick up after yourself.
3. You will support yourself every way. You will pay your cell phone and any additional car insurance costs because of wrecks or tickets. You will buy your own snacks and drinks if I don’t buy what you want. You will make your own appointments.
4. I will not bail you out of jail or pay any tickets or fines that you incur.
5. I will not do anything extra--no clothes, fast food, rides to friends unless I choose to. Don’t ask me to do any of the above. If I offer than you can accept or not.
6. You will not intimidate or cause any chaos in my home. Your friends will not cause any chaos in my home.
7. You will work fulltime or work part time and go to school.
8. You will be in room at 11:00 every night with the volume on the t.v. low enough that no one else can hear it.
9. You will speak to all family members with respect.
10. You will call by 11:00 if you not staying at home.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im just throwing out things that go on in my house...no idea if they have any bearing on your situation.

Friends staying over

House phone limits

Friends coming to the door after a certain time

Horns blowing

Food in rooms? Where will he keep his snack items he buys?

Dating...this may pertain to number one!

In my case, Cory just moved his whole little family in with us. Interesting to say the least.

 

[everywoman]

Thanks for the input Janet.
No one will be moving in. I don't care who they are!
We have no house phone. Everyone has a cell phone--they will pay for it.
No one will come to my house--I am the evil pyscho mom who will and has called the cops.
Food in rooms??? I'll think about that one. It's hard for me to inforce if I'm guilty myself--lol.

 

[DammitJanet]

The reason I mentioned the food in the rooms was you said that he has to buy his own snacks and drinks if he wants them and you dont buy them. If your house is at all like mine, then you will run into the problem of "He/she ate/drank my (take your pick)". Its a grown up version of they are looking at me...lol. So, the kids end up keeping their non perishable items in their rooms. They have a veritable pantry in their rooms with crackers, cereal, you name it...its in there! We have bottles of juice with names on it in the fridge!

Unreal...lol.

I can just picture an all out meltdown over a pack of Lil debbies. LOL.

 

[everywoman]

difficult child is really the only eater in the house. The only issues I can see is if PCdaughter had something and he ate it. She probably wouldn't make a fuss though. The rest of us aren't big snackers---but difficult child eats 24/7.

 

[Sue C]

Don't know if my opinion is worth much, but I'm thinking that's a long list of rules and I'm wondering if you are willing to boot him out if he breaks one of the rules the first time (such as doesn't wash his dishes)?? The other thing is that 11 pm seems a bit early for an 18 yr old, but then again, you know your son and I don't. I would think midnight was OK, but that's me. A policeman once told us that nothing good happens after midnight.

Lastly, perhaps you want to write up the rules as a contract and have your son sign it. That is what we did with Angela before she left short-term drug rehab. They would not let us leave until we sat down and wrote the contract and husband, Angela, and I signed it. If I remember correctly, we were told not to list too many rules, just the biggies: no drugs, a set curfew, no physical abuse, and I can't remember what else.

Sue

 

[everywoman]

"The other thing is that 11 pm seems a bit early for an 18 yr old, but then again, you know your son and I don't."

This is not his curfew. This is the time during the week that he has to be out of the common areas of the house and in his room. Before he left, he was notorious for staying up all night and keeping the rest of the house awake.

I will not kick him out unless he becomes violent or uses drugs or refuses to work or steal. He knows that. But, I can make his life miserable so he will want to leave.

 

[Suz]

"I will not kick him out unless he becomes violent or uses drugs or refuses to work or steal."

Katmom, I think these need to be your rules. in my humble opinion, the others you have listed are a waste of breath. It might make him miserable but it will make you miserable, too. At 18, I think you need to only list the deal-breakers in a contract because you know darn well he will argue the rest. Now it might be that if he's a slob that will be a deal breaker...if so, add it to the list...but only if it's a deal breaker.

When we did a contract with Rob we also had all participants sign and date the contract.

Suz

 

[Sunlight]

ant has no set rules or curfew. if he is staying out all night he lets me know, otherwise he has a key and is quiet when he does get in.
he is an adult as is his brother.
it is a given that I do not do their laundry or cook for them. if I happen to cook that night I do make enough for them if they tell me in advance they will be there. I do not buy pop or snacks at all. they must each pay 200.00 a month rent and pitch in on chores, and bring in laundry soap and other sruff if they see we are low on it.
they both know no women overnight.
no drugs or drinking would be tolerated by me. I do not have to tell them that.
He knows I will not visit in jail any more if that happens and do not bail out. he has no license but I do not drive him anywhere. he finds rides and boyfriend rides him to work and back.

I like your list of rules and think you should simply post them on the 'fridge minus the curfew. if he has a key he can come in ALONE and quietly and sober when he pleases.

 

[everywoman]

Thanks for adding ladies. He actually thanked me for putting everything in writing. He has been polite since he got home. The only thing that has annoyed me is asking to use my car. How many times do you need to hear no before you understand it. I never let him drive my car before. He is a horrible driver. He knows he can't drive it. He is an adult. His car is inoperable right now because of his actions. Not my problem. Anyway---he says he has a plan and goals. We'll see...I've heard it all before...he told me to just wait and see what he "can" do now that he wants to.

 

[witzend]

It's my house and I reserve the right to amend the rules as necessary.

 

[Sue C]

"The other thing is that 11 pm seems a bit early for an 18 yr old, but then again, you know your son and I don't.

This is not his curfew. This is the time during the week that he has to be out of the common areas of the house and in his room. Before he left, he was notorious for staying up all night and keeping the rest of the house awake."

katmom -- I'm sorry I misunderstood you. When my grandma was in her early 90's and lived with my parents, they asked her to go into her bedroom at 8:30 pm so they could have some alone time in the living room to watch TV.

Take care,
Sue

 

[rejectedmom]

Katmom, I am comming in late here. It looks like you have all bases covered. I truly hope that everything works out. I am gathering hat he has no intention of returning to the program he was in?

"he told me to just wait and see what he "can" do now that he wants to."

I truly hope he is able to keep this promise to himself.

-RM