difficult child is at crisis -long

[susiestar]

Sharon,

You totally did the right thing. No other choice once you have the plan in place. Fran is right, the violence MUST stop. His life will be very hard as an adult if the violence does not stop.

I am not sure husband said te right thing in telling difficult child you would check the plan. Maybe, if the plan is in question, you should type it up, print in a small font, and make a wallet card for each of you with the plan. This way it is "in black and white" and you can check the plan if there are questions.

We used this with Wiz at one point and it was quite successful.

Sending hugs, I know this wipes you out!

 

[klmno]

[II was a little surprised when he told me he got his favorite breakfast-eggs and potatoes. I'm hoping he didn't enjoy it too much-Know what I mean??][/I]

I'm assuming they did this because he had done well with them until that point and maybe they knew he felt punished, but didn't want to drive it to a point that backfired in the future. That is my optimism!! So how are things going now?

 

[Wiped Out]

Thanks Susie-good suggestion about the card.
Klmno-You are probably right with your optimism!

He did well at camp today but then hit husband in the mall (we took him there to get his glasses adjusted) and shoved me so he is at stop the world. At first he was very angry but he calmed down and is now folding towels.

I just hope he doesn't get stop the world tomorrow because, while he needs it, it is super exhausting for us. Like they say, no pain, no gain.

 

[klmno]

This sounds a little better than yesterday, thank goodness. I haven't read all your previous threads- what does his psychiatrist say about this impulsive raging? (At least, it sounds like impulsive raging to me.) I'm a little surprised that psychiatrist hasn't tried a medication for it.

 

[Wiped Out]

KLMNO-He keeps working on it. He has tried medications for it, a lot of his medications have helped but not enough. difficult child has trialed somewhere around 18 medications. Along with all of his other dxs, I'm pretty sure there must be some fetal alcohol effect which would explain some of it. He has not formally been given that diagnosis but if bm was doing drugs, she was probably drinking too.

 

[jannie]

When difficult child goes into Stop the World mode what does this mean? How long does it last? Does this only happen for pysical violence? I think it's great to have a definate plans in place....I really need to set up more systems so the expectations are clear for my difficult child's.

 

[Andy]

Did the care provider make the breakfast at difficult child's request or was it just what happened to be on the menu? I would provide a list of favorite foods to the provider to avoid if needed.

Do you get a report from the provider as to his behavours during the stay there?

Is there anything in place as to what happens if he gets say 3 Stop the Worlds in 3 days? Does he go into longer stays?

 

[Nancy]

Sharon,

It's exhausting isn't it? I found with my difficult child that when I remind her of the consequences to a behavior that she is doing, it doesn't change her behavior at all. She escalates, just like your son. The consequences have no effect on her. It's like she is pushing us to follow through, and of course we had to each time. Sometimes I think I shouldn;thave given her a consequence because then I had to follow through, but I agree that physical aggression just can't be allowed.

Nancy

 

[Wiped Out]

Jannie-Right now Stop the World only goes in effect for violence to husband or myself. For him it means a totally boring day and night. It starts when it happens and goes until he goes to bed. It means basically he can play legos, solitaire, and help with chores. He gets no electronics, desserts, time with mom and dad.

Andy-We do get a report as to how he does-his first time (and only so far) he did really well. I'm not sure how eggs and potatoes came to be made but I guess the more I think of it, since it was the next day it was probably not a problem to do it.
He can't get more than one stop the world in a day since it lasts the entire day and night. If he continues to be violent, even one more time, he goes to crisis respite.

Nancy-It is exhausting-and sometimes I feel the same way the consequence is more of a punishment for husband and me. However, it does need to be done.

It's been a really long day today. difficult child made it to Stop the World before 10:00 this morning. That's four days in a row with some violence. He punched a kid Wednesday at camp, had stop the world and crisis respite on Thursday, Friday, and Today. I'm not sure he is getting this whole thing but hopefully eventually he will-at least he has only made it to crisis respite once so far.

 

[Andy]

I am sorry, I didn't phrase that right - meant is there a next step to take if he finds himself in Stop the World so many days in a row?

Day 1: Stop the World - respite that night - home in the morning
Day 2: same
Day 3: same

Do you have a plan as to how long this continues before he doesn't come home in the morning? After the 5th night in a row in respite, does he stay there longer?

 

[Wiped Out]

Good question! Not one we have discussed but will be, especially since he has been on Stop the World so many days in a row.