difficult child was removed from our home tonight
- Thread starter gwenny
- Start date
When all the people have advised rest, they meant it. You've been on high alert for so long, that your entire body needs replenishing - sleep, relaxation, a long exhale of air from your lungs. Because after you've had a little rest, you're going to learn what you can about your stepson's issues, you're going to advocate for him to get him into the right treatment programs, you're going to deal with school issues, doctors, insurance people, and probably law enforcement and the judicial system. Some of these people can be as difficult as your difficult child.
Your stepson needs to know his father loves him, and wants what is best for him. There will be many opportunities for your husband and his son to have contact even while your step son is away.
If your stepson is allowed to have a phone call (normally a few times a week for 5-10 minutes), as long as your stepson is behaving reasonably well on the call, your husband needs to take (or make) the call.
Most places allow their residents to receive mail. Send cards, letters and pictures. He may not be able to keep everything he receives in his room, but he will know the frequency with which they are sent.
When visits are allowed - if at all possible, go.
Give husband a little time to blow off some steam - as I am sure there is plenty he needs to let out, but guide him back to doing his job as a father. Your own son is watching husband now, too. Does your son get to see a grown man try to move mountains when the going gets tough, or does he see the grown man throw in the towel?
I concur with the group - family counselling is needed for all. This is a long journey you're all going to be on.
So glad you found us, and you're finding support here.
Your stepson needs to know his father loves him, and wants what is best for him. There will be many opportunities for your husband and his son to have contact even while your step son is away.
If your stepson is allowed to have a phone call (normally a few times a week for 5-10 minutes), as long as your stepson is behaving reasonably well on the call, your husband needs to take (or make) the call.
Most places allow their residents to receive mail. Send cards, letters and pictures. He may not be able to keep everything he receives in his room, but he will know the frequency with which they are sent.
When visits are allowed - if at all possible, go.
Give husband a little time to blow off some steam - as I am sure there is plenty he needs to let out, but guide him back to doing his job as a father. Your own son is watching husband now, too. Does your son get to see a grown man try to move mountains when the going gets tough, or does he see the grown man throw in the towel?
I concur with the group - family counselling is needed for all. This is a long journey you're all going to be on.
So glad you found us, and you're finding support here.
Here's the update to our situation. I made it to the hospital by 6 last night just to show that my husband was coming, of course they wouldnt see me but at least they knew someone was there and we husband wanted to be there but just couldnt get the time off due to all the time off he has taken. My husband works for the automobile industry and as we all know this economy is horrible and cant afford to lose his job.
So They gave him until 7 pm and he got there at 7:01. They lectured us and blah blah but when my husband explained the situation the gentleman was very understanding.
Ok so husband did all the talking and I only said few things as my husband forgets some things under pressure. The dr says it sounds like Antisocial personality disorder emerging. The therapist said this the other day but she called it "emerging". This is what I have suspected after doing a huge amount of homework for years and felt this way about difficult child since he was 5 years old. Just all the signs were there but the parents just stuck there head in the sand so to speak.
Well husband told him that difficult child cannot come home, as my wife fears all of our safety. He did say that when we speak to difficult child dr that we are to tell him that and stress that he cannot come home. He did say that this is just a crisis place for a short period of time and other arrangements would have to be made. We told him that we are loolking at group homes or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which he felt would be a better place for him, as we are not able to have an armed guard in our home 24/7.
He stated that there would be serious medication changes, but we have to understand that there is no medication that will make him feel any type of emotion, they just try and get the impulsive and aggression under control and hope that therapy can train him how certain behaviors are not allowed and this would be a lifelong struggle.
So difficult child pulled an amazing stunt, which I pointed out. We left and were standing at the nurses station talking to the dr and there is a window where the kids can talk to the people at the desk and difficult child was in this room that we could clearly see him and vise virsa. Well all the boys were having snacks and they came to the desk and were staring at me and laughing and than difficult child says to them I told you not to stare at her come on they will know. Well of course I once again took my punches but kept my head held high and pretended not to notice them.
husband say's he looks like hes on vacation having a grand time. We brought him some clothes as they are very strict about what he has.
This place is 2 1/2 hours from our home and over an hour away from husband job. So we are not able to visit him during the week and hopefully at least on a saturday or sunday we will be able to or at least husband.
Thats it I have to say I slept from 1am to 11am this morning and I feel so good, still drained but good. That has been the best 10 hours of sound sleep I have had in a few months.
My son is having a few friends stay the weekend as he has not had this in so long as I just don't want to expose anyone's kid to any kind of danger. easy child and I didnt get to go to the movies yesterday as all this paperwork and phone calls had to be made I decided to pick him up at school next week and go to the movies. easy child didn't know I had plans to take him yesterday as I have learned the hard way not to plan anything or say anything as you never know what will happen and easy child has enough going on with out me adding disappointment to the mix.
Thank you all for being here for advice or just support as it has helped me tremendously. Words cannot say how much I appreciate you all. I hope to be able to help others one day as all of you have.The kindest words,prayers and to lend an listening ear to everyone in need.
I will keep everyone in our prayers and thoughts.
So They gave him until 7 pm and he got there at 7:01. They lectured us and blah blah but when my husband explained the situation the gentleman was very understanding.
Ok so husband did all the talking and I only said few things as my husband forgets some things under pressure. The dr says it sounds like Antisocial personality disorder emerging. The therapist said this the other day but she called it "emerging". This is what I have suspected after doing a huge amount of homework for years and felt this way about difficult child since he was 5 years old. Just all the signs were there but the parents just stuck there head in the sand so to speak.
Well husband told him that difficult child cannot come home, as my wife fears all of our safety. He did say that when we speak to difficult child dr that we are to tell him that and stress that he cannot come home. He did say that this is just a crisis place for a short period of time and other arrangements would have to be made. We told him that we are loolking at group homes or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which he felt would be a better place for him, as we are not able to have an armed guard in our home 24/7.
He stated that there would be serious medication changes, but we have to understand that there is no medication that will make him feel any type of emotion, they just try and get the impulsive and aggression under control and hope that therapy can train him how certain behaviors are not allowed and this would be a lifelong struggle.
So difficult child pulled an amazing stunt, which I pointed out. We left and were standing at the nurses station talking to the dr and there is a window where the kids can talk to the people at the desk and difficult child was in this room that we could clearly see him and vise virsa. Well all the boys were having snacks and they came to the desk and were staring at me and laughing and than difficult child says to them I told you not to stare at her come on they will know. Well of course I once again took my punches but kept my head held high and pretended not to notice them.
husband say's he looks like hes on vacation having a grand time. We brought him some clothes as they are very strict about what he has.
This place is 2 1/2 hours from our home and over an hour away from husband job. So we are not able to visit him during the week and hopefully at least on a saturday or sunday we will be able to or at least husband.
Thats it I have to say I slept from 1am to 11am this morning and I feel so good, still drained but good. That has been the best 10 hours of sound sleep I have had in a few months.
My son is having a few friends stay the weekend as he has not had this in so long as I just don't want to expose anyone's kid to any kind of danger. easy child and I didnt get to go to the movies yesterday as all this paperwork and phone calls had to be made I decided to pick him up at school next week and go to the movies. easy child didn't know I had plans to take him yesterday as I have learned the hard way not to plan anything or say anything as you never know what will happen and easy child has enough going on with out me adding disappointment to the mix.
Thank you all for being here for advice or just support as it has helped me tremendously. Words cannot say how much I appreciate you all. I hope to be able to help others one day as all of you have.The kindest words,prayers and to lend an listening ear to everyone in need.
I will keep everyone in our prayers and thoughts.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Donna, what a load off your shoulders, at least for the short term.
I am so glad you got some sleep. That is really important.
Can't believe your husband got chastised for being 1 min. late. Sheesh!
It looks like your difficult child settled in pretty quickly. I wonder what he said to the boys about you? Probably that you're actually a transvestite Klingon nun with-leprosy, on leave from a Tibetan monastery.
One thing kind of bothered me ... I was hoping your husband didn't say this within earshot of difficult child: "husband stated that difficult child has not paid any kind of price big enough for all the lives he is and has destroyed."
I understand the sentiment, believe me, but difficult child is sick and lonely and desperate, and even he, who shows no signs of remorse, understands that his bio parents and his step parents don't want him. If there is any way you all can let him know that deep down, you still love him, it might help heal a tiny bit. That doesn't mean he shouldn't pay retribution if he has broken things, or apologize if he has kicked the dog deliberately ... but he has no clue how to control himself and, well, it's just hard.
You are right, you can only hope to keep the impulsivity under control, and that is a good goal. The medications will help, and the dr sounds like he has a good handle on it. Keeping the impulsivity under control, and teaching difficult child what is appropriate in certain situations, is a fantastic, wonderful goal. I wish you all tons of luck and strength. I hope the doctors can get difficult child to fully participate in his new learning situation at the psychiatric hospital and group home or where ever he ends up.
I am so glad you got some sleep. That is really important.
Can't believe your husband got chastised for being 1 min. late. Sheesh!
It looks like your difficult child settled in pretty quickly. I wonder what he said to the boys about you? Probably that you're actually a transvestite Klingon nun with-leprosy, on leave from a Tibetan monastery.
One thing kind of bothered me ... I was hoping your husband didn't say this within earshot of difficult child: "husband stated that difficult child has not paid any kind of price big enough for all the lives he is and has destroyed."
I understand the sentiment, believe me, but difficult child is sick and lonely and desperate, and even he, who shows no signs of remorse, understands that his bio parents and his step parents don't want him. If there is any way you all can let him know that deep down, you still love him, it might help heal a tiny bit. That doesn't mean he shouldn't pay retribution if he has broken things, or apologize if he has kicked the dog deliberately ... but he has no clue how to control himself and, well, it's just hard.
You are right, you can only hope to keep the impulsivity under control, and that is a good goal. The medications will help, and the dr sounds like he has a good handle on it. Keeping the impulsivity under control, and teaching difficult child what is appropriate in certain situations, is a fantastic, wonderful goal. I wish you all tons of luck and strength. I hope the doctors can get difficult child to fully participate in his new learning situation at the psychiatric hospital and group home or where ever he ends up.
