difficult child Was Taken To The Hospital
- Thread starter Bunny
- Start date
Our story is similar - I am so sorry you are going thru this. Last year after a violent incident we had our difficult child committed to an adolescent psychiatric ward - we are in NY as well but upstate - I assume Long Island has similar facilities. Unfortunately it took 10 days to get a bed. He was 'accepted' but we had to bring him home first and then call every day at noon to get a bed. Then he had to willingly go there - which he did thankfully at that point. I think if he had refused, I was told anecdotally we could have easily pushed his buttons, called Mobile Crisis which dispatches police. told them he had a bed waiting and then an ambulance would have taken him.
System just stinks - but I think at the time it was the right place. Unfortunately we had to go there almost everyday it seems like while he was there for 15 days. I think we could have refused, but did as we were asked at the time.
Good luck....
System just stinks - but I think at the time it was the right place. Unfortunately we had to go there almost everyday it seems like while he was there for 15 days. I think we could have refused, but did as we were asked at the time.
Good luck....
Well, he's home. He's sad and he's angry. I can tell by the way that he's carrying himself and by the tone of his voice, but he's holding himself together because the male nurse at the psychiatric ER basically told him that if we have to bring him back, of have him brought back, he would go straight to an adolescent psychiatric hospital and that he would be there for a while. He said that does not want to do that, but something tells me that we will eventually have to go that route.
He's lost everything right now. He can read a book and play with some of the toys in his room. We made him unhook his Xbox and surrender it to us and he knows it will be months before he earns it back. Spring break is going to be joyful, let me tell you.
He took a shower after he had some lunch and he went to his room. I'm just leaving him alone for now.
He's lost everything right now. He can read a book and play with some of the toys in his room. We made him unhook his Xbox and surrender it to us and he knows it will be months before he earns it back. Spring break is going to be joyful, let me tell you.
He took a shower after he had some lunch and he went to his room. I'm just leaving him alone for now.
He's been quiet all day. After we got him home he had some lunch and took a shower. After that he was sent to his room and he was allowed to come down to the kitchen so that he could see what veggies I had for pizza toppings and then again when it was time to eat dinner. Then he took his medications and was sent back to his room.
easy child came home from school and we told him that we took difficult child's Xbox away and that he was not allowed to use easy child's Xbox, either. mother in law called several times to make sure that things were calm and if we needed any help, which I thought was really great of her.
He said he did not sleep well at the hospital last night, so I would not be surprised if he falls asleep on the early side. At least that is what I'm hoping for because I didn't sleep at all and I'm exhausted!!
i can't thank you all enough for your support. It was so comforting to know that there is a whole community of people who understood what the last 24 hours have been like. Thank you!!!
easy child came home from school and we told him that we took difficult child's Xbox away and that he was not allowed to use easy child's Xbox, either. mother in law called several times to make sure that things were calm and if we needed any help, which I thought was really great of her.
He said he did not sleep well at the hospital last night, so I would not be surprised if he falls asleep on the early side. At least that is what I'm hoping for because I didn't sleep at all and I'm exhausted!!
i can't thank you all enough for your support. It was so comforting to know that there is a whole community of people who understood what the last 24 hours have been like. Thank you!!!
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry that this happened; you must feel gutted. Have you made an emergency plan and secured all the sharp objects?
(((((hugs)))))
I am glad he is quiet at home so far. Please do all you can to make sure that you do not drive him anywhere alone. Not for quite a while. It simply is not safe for you, for him, or for anyone else on the road or walking near the road. If that means he doesn't get to go somewhere, it is a natural consequence. Safety has to come first.
Your therapist needs a sharp smack upside the head, and some video of what difficult child is really like at home. For reasons that make zero sense to me, many tdocs and psychiatrists etc.... think that we are exaggerating or inventing when we tell them about our difficult children' violence toward us and toward home. They are often 'shocked' to see video or police reports about the problems because they didn't think things were 'that bad'.
That male nurse did you zero favors. The chances that if difficult child lashes out iwth violence again that he will end up going straight to the adolescent psychiatric unit are very very slim. MAYBE if he is violent within 24 to 48 hrs of coming home then this will be reality. MAYBE. But probably not. When difficult child realizes that he will probably get a night or two at the psychiatric hospital and then he will go home again, he is going to feel that you can do NOTHING to him. The situation will be even more dangerous at that point.
Why do I think they will not admit him straight to the psychiatric unit if he waits a day or two to explode? Experience. been there done that with Wiz, and to get him placed anywhere took a very real attempt to kill his sleeping sister. Later when he was 'just' headbutting me (cause that isn't like he 'really' hit me, just ask both husband and Wiz, grrrr) and attacking me, it took refusing to allow the cops to leave with-o him, refusing to bring him home when he got kicked out of the youth shelter, and the judge issuing TWO direct orders to the deputy to write up the incident formally (given during 2 separate court dates a week apart) and STILL we couldn't get a police report, ANY documentation from the police or the court, or any psychiatrist/therapist to take us seriously. The psychiatric hospitals were more of a place to go to hook up with a girl than a place to get help. We spent time at all but one with an adolescent unit and NONE of them would keep a child more than 2=3 days, and most stays were under 24 hrs.
I really hope and pray that where you are they will keep difficult child if he harms you again, but I don't think they will.
I think you need to start making police reports every single time he hurts you, threatens you, pushes you, or shows any violence toward you or anyone else or your pets. The police will not take you seriously the first few times. They see a LOT of parents refuse to press charges, or deny the violence really happened. Your difficult child is not going to stop being violent until the consequences are very serious and very real. Of course he needs help, and therapy and whatever the psychiatrist thinks will help. Sadly, until you have shown more than a few violent physical attacks, and called 911 for help, no one is going to do much to help your family. Admission to a psychiatric unit requires a LOT to get insurance to pay, and for many programs that might help you cannot even think about being accepted unless the court orders it.
The violence MUST stop. You have to start calling the police to document difficult child's attacks or else you won't get the help for him that he needs so badly. Yes, it can make you feel like an idiot, a bad parent, etc... when the police come out. And nobody wants all the drama of cop cars in the driveway, etc... But unless you are willing to do that, your difficult child is just going to become more and more violent until he reaches the point where he is in so much trouble that he cannot live in society for a long time.
I am glad he is quiet at home so far. Please do all you can to make sure that you do not drive him anywhere alone. Not for quite a while. It simply is not safe for you, for him, or for anyone else on the road or walking near the road. If that means he doesn't get to go somewhere, it is a natural consequence. Safety has to come first.
Your therapist needs a sharp smack upside the head, and some video of what difficult child is really like at home. For reasons that make zero sense to me, many tdocs and psychiatrists etc.... think that we are exaggerating or inventing when we tell them about our difficult children' violence toward us and toward home. They are often 'shocked' to see video or police reports about the problems because they didn't think things were 'that bad'.
That male nurse did you zero favors. The chances that if difficult child lashes out iwth violence again that he will end up going straight to the adolescent psychiatric unit are very very slim. MAYBE if he is violent within 24 to 48 hrs of coming home then this will be reality. MAYBE. But probably not. When difficult child realizes that he will probably get a night or two at the psychiatric hospital and then he will go home again, he is going to feel that you can do NOTHING to him. The situation will be even more dangerous at that point.
Why do I think they will not admit him straight to the psychiatric unit if he waits a day or two to explode? Experience. been there done that with Wiz, and to get him placed anywhere took a very real attempt to kill his sleeping sister. Later when he was 'just' headbutting me (cause that isn't like he 'really' hit me, just ask both husband and Wiz, grrrr) and attacking me, it took refusing to allow the cops to leave with-o him, refusing to bring him home when he got kicked out of the youth shelter, and the judge issuing TWO direct orders to the deputy to write up the incident formally (given during 2 separate court dates a week apart) and STILL we couldn't get a police report, ANY documentation from the police or the court, or any psychiatrist/therapist to take us seriously. The psychiatric hospitals were more of a place to go to hook up with a girl than a place to get help. We spent time at all but one with an adolescent unit and NONE of them would keep a child more than 2=3 days, and most stays were under 24 hrs.
I really hope and pray that where you are they will keep difficult child if he harms you again, but I don't think they will.
I think you need to start making police reports every single time he hurts you, threatens you, pushes you, or shows any violence toward you or anyone else or your pets. The police will not take you seriously the first few times. They see a LOT of parents refuse to press charges, or deny the violence really happened. Your difficult child is not going to stop being violent until the consequences are very serious and very real. Of course he needs help, and therapy and whatever the psychiatrist thinks will help. Sadly, until you have shown more than a few violent physical attacks, and called 911 for help, no one is going to do much to help your family. Admission to a psychiatric unit requires a LOT to get insurance to pay, and for many programs that might help you cannot even think about being accepted unless the court orders it.
The violence MUST stop. You have to start calling the police to document difficult child's attacks or else you won't get the help for him that he needs so badly. Yes, it can make you feel like an idiot, a bad parent, etc... when the police come out. And nobody wants all the drama of cop cars in the driveway, etc... But unless you are willing to do that, your difficult child is just going to become more and more violent until he reaches the point where he is in so much trouble that he cannot live in society for a long time.
buddy
New Member
I've had the opposite experience (which makes me think I must underestimate the situation I live with sometimes, but it is all I know).
Every time I've taken Q to the er it's been up to me if he comes home and I practically had to beg to have him released when he was inpatient.
They've often said they'd hold a bed after we left just in case we are back that night. One doctor told me they have several Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kiddos who hit puberty and need them more until they're thru it. He was reassuring me not to feel badly. They thought every time he could be admitted even though he was usually calmer. He always answers that he wants to or wanted to hurt me though. He's very honest.
Every time I've taken Q to the er it's been up to me if he comes home and I practically had to beg to have him released when he was inpatient.
They've often said they'd hold a bed after we left just in case we are back that night. One doctor told me they have several Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kiddos who hit puberty and need them more until they're thru it. He was reassuring me not to feel badly. They thought every time he could be admitted even though he was usually calmer. He always answers that he wants to or wanted to hurt me though. He's very honest.
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
We went through something similar with difficult child when he was 16-17 y/o. He was using drugs, and if he came home and we had any confrontation with him, or even if he wasn't high at the time, if we had a heated argument or any kind of emotional discussion, he would, it seemed to me at the time, "pretend" he was going to commit suicide, so we would stop bothering him. He would make a big show of taking his belt and going into the bathroom, like he was going to hang himself, or open the silverware drawer and take a knife and hold it up to himself.
difficult child could not, at that time, emotionally regulate himself. I don't know if it was the drugs, typical teen, or what. Every little thing became histrionic, and he excused himself for smoking pot because he said it made him calmer. I truly, in my heart of hearts, think he said all that to get us off his back. I don't think for one minute he wanted to end his life, but I absolutely believe he wanted us to end ours! I told that straight out to the psychiatrist and while he agreed, he said any action like that should be suspect, and should be addressed immediately. Once difficult child was told by us and the psychiatrist that any future histrionics like that would result in a police call/hospital visit, he miraculously stopped all of that. Those were crazy days, it makes me anxious just remembering them.
difficult child could not, at that time, emotionally regulate himself. I don't know if it was the drugs, typical teen, or what. Every little thing became histrionic, and he excused himself for smoking pot because he said it made him calmer. I truly, in my heart of hearts, think he said all that to get us off his back. I don't think for one minute he wanted to end his life, but I absolutely believe he wanted us to end ours! I told that straight out to the psychiatrist and while he agreed, he said any action like that should be suspect, and should be addressed immediately. Once difficult child was told by us and the psychiatrist that any future histrionics like that would result in a police call/hospital visit, he miraculously stopped all of that. Those were crazy days, it makes me anxious just remembering them.
He was drug tested at the hospital and he came back clean, but in all honestly that did not surprise any of us.
He's been pretty calm since he got home yesterday afternoon, but today he's complaining that he's bored and he wants to be allowed out of his room. Maybe tomorrow we'll let him join us in other areas of the house. He was complaining this morning about feeling nauseous and having a headache. I think that might be the stress of the last two days catching up with him. He keeps telling me that he's sorry, but I'm not sure if he's sorry because he's truly sorry, or he's sorry because his actions have caused him to lose things. I just don't know what to believe.
In my heart of hearts, I do not believe that this is the last the he will wind up at psychiatric ER and I think that a hospitalization is in his future. I hope to God that I'm wrong.
He's been pretty calm since he got home yesterday afternoon, but today he's complaining that he's bored and he wants to be allowed out of his room. Maybe tomorrow we'll let him join us in other areas of the house. He was complaining this morning about feeling nauseous and having a headache. I think that might be the stress of the last two days catching up with him. He keeps telling me that he's sorry, but I'm not sure if he's sorry because he's truly sorry, or he's sorry because his actions have caused him to lose things. I just don't know what to believe.
In my heart of hearts, I do not believe that this is the last the he will wind up at psychiatric ER and I think that a hospitalization is in his future. I hope to God that I'm wrong.
Sorry he has a headache. I agree, it could be just coming down from the experience.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Im middle of the road about phosps. I never found any of the private ones worth a hill of beans. In fact, the first one Cory ended up in accused me of not loving my son because I didnt want to cuddle him during a family therapy session and instead I wanted to focus on what services we were going to be able to access when they threw him out in the few days we had. I knew I had time to kiss him at home. I only had a hour to talk to her. She actually asked Cory how it felt to have a mother who didnt love him and told Tony the best thing he could do for Cory was to leave me....lol.
Now when I got Cory put in the state psychiatric hospital, that was the best place ever. The local psychiatric hospital kept trying to get me to take Cory home by threatening to send him to the state one and I said DO IT! That is where I had been trying to get him for a long time. It sounds bad and it isnt pretty but it was an excellent place and they didnt push them out in 4 days.
Now when I got Cory put in the state psychiatric hospital, that was the best place ever. The local psychiatric hospital kept trying to get me to take Cory home by threatening to send him to the state one and I said DO IT! That is where I had been trying to get him for a long time. It sounds bad and it isnt pretty but it was an excellent place and they didnt push them out in 4 days.
He's not doing that well this morning. He's complaining about how bored he is and it's all my fault because I should never have called the police. He put the knife down, so he doesn't understand why I "punished" him by calling the police. He says he angry and it's all my fault. I took his Xbox away and he didn't think that was fair and his boredom is only going to cause more aggression and I should just give him what he wants to prevent further issues.
I turned it around. I told him that since he's being honest, I was going to be honest, too. He claims he's angry at me? Well, in all honesty I am really quite angry with him. This is our home and our home is supposed to mean safety for our family. When he picked up that knife and brandished it the way he did he took that safety away from all of us. He's claiming he's going to get aggressive because he doesn't get his way? I told him I would call the police again and send him right back to psychiatric ER.
He's right back to "if you send me back there it just means your don't love me." OMG!!! I just want to smack him!
I turned it around. I told him that since he's being honest, I was going to be honest, too. He claims he's angry at me? Well, in all honesty I am really quite angry with him. This is our home and our home is supposed to mean safety for our family. When he picked up that knife and brandished it the way he did he took that safety away from all of us. He's claiming he's going to get aggressive because he doesn't get his way? I told him I would call the police again and send him right back to psychiatric ER.
He's right back to "if you send me back there it just means your don't love me." OMG!!! I just want to smack him!
