difficult children and blood pressure

[Mom2oddson]

As you know....husband has been away for a while and isn't able to just kick difficult child out. So, difficult child comes and goes as he pleases, usually while we are at work. He spends his evening getting drunk/high with his friends.

I figure now that husband is home, he'll get tired of this and put his foot down. So, I've learned to detach from the feelings of being used by a child that only shows up while I'm at work. From the frustrations of having said kid use my TV, couch, food, shower (using 2-3 towels each time) etc...

At the start of school last year when difficult child-A went back to high school, husband & I put him on our phone plan with the understanding that as long as difficult child-A was doing the right things, we'd pay. Then, of course, difficult child-A doesn't do the right thing, but husband insists on keeping the phone so that he can talk to difficult child-A.

Well, husband got home Wednesday, difficult child-A showed up at the house for about 30 minutes and we haven't heard/seen him since. husband has left multiple messages with no response. So on Tuesday, I look at the cell usage to see if difficult child-A lost his phone again. Well, in the five days of the new billing period, difficult child-A made 356 text messages and 89 calls (30% of them were checking his messages). So I sent the following text message:

"I'm getting tired of watching you jerk your Dad around. Start returning his calls when he calls you or I'll turn your phone off. The reason we pay for your phone is so your Dad can TALK TO YOU not so you can talk to your friends! Got it??"

At midnight I get this text message that woke me up "I wasn't ingoring him I lost my phone at S's house and have been working for EG and papa, I just finished the floor".

Okay, so now we will see if he starts calling his Dad back. No big deal...including the waking me up at midnight.

So, yesterday, I go to the doctor's for a sinus infections. My pulse was 80 and blood pressure was 130/84. I was complaining to the doctor that that is high for me but he said it was fine. So, I get a prescription and get to wait forever at the pharmacy. Well, while I'm waiting I get this text from difficult child-A " Next time please talk to me like a respectful adult".

I felt my blood pressure go up, so I checked it at that nice little machine at the pharmacy. Pulse rate 122, blood pressure 189/113! Guess my heart and veins must be good since I didn't have a heart-attack right then and there. I'm just glad there isn't an alarm on the blood pressure machine! Has anyone else had this experience?

 

[ThreeShadows]

Absolutely! When difficult child 2 ran away from home and moved in with our blabber mouth ex-cleaning ladies my pressure was 144/114. The nurse kept on saying "are you SURE you don't have a headache?", lol!
I'm still alive, have survived the ordeal because the difficult children are no longer living here. I hope husband will get on board with what you want.
I'm sending big hugs.

 

[witzend]

Those machines tend to run high, so the doctor won't listen to that. I'm glad you're getting on medications, though. Your doctor doesn't seem to be up to date. Several years ago, borderline high was moved from 80 to 70.

Has husband made any moves towards moving difficult child out of your lives? difficult child really is using you as a dumping ground. Emotionally and physically. It seems as though no matter the topic, he is going to lie. I'm all for giving the respect they are due. He's a liar, he's due the respect a liar gets. Which is, you don't talk to liars. You don't trust liars. You don't ask liars for favors. You don't hire liars. You don't give anything to liars. You don't believe anything a liar says. You don't expect anything from a liar. What does that leave? Nothing. Your husband is torturing yourselves when he seeks him out. difficult child's not going to change, so the only thing that can change is how much power you give him over you and your time.

 

[Nomad]

I am so sorry. Sounds dreadful.
You are right about the blood pressure.
Mine was inching up for a year or two. Our son went through a difficult child year in high school Guess what? It went WAY up and STAYED that way at that time. I had to go on blood pressure medication and have not been able to get off (its almost always permanent once you are diagnosis'd).
On the good side, I have exercised, thought healthier, enjoyed life to the best of my ability, detached, etc. and since that time so long ago, have only needed a very tiny amount of blood pressure medication. So, the situation is markedly better now.
I know its a long shot...but maybe your husband would consider reading information on detachment and/or boundaries.
If the situation doesn't improve, marriage counseling might even be in order.
Please take extra good care of your health.

 

[susiestar]

Any time I have to deal with my gfgbro my blood pressure goes up.

You and husband need to have a serious talk about what is going on and what steps to take. Changing locks would be an excellent idea, in my opinion. What you don't spend in a month or so of not feeding and sheltering difficult child would probably pay for all new deadbolts. Be sure to get new locks. If you just ask difficult child for his key(s), he will not give all of them to you. He will keep one so he can still come and go when you are not home.

Maybe if you point out to husband how difficult child is affecting your health and has not kept his word since last time you talked it will help.

 

[Star*]

OH MY WORD.....I'm sorry - I was reading and nodding, nodding.....thinking - Yeah....that sounds familiar. Then Nearly fell OUT OF MY SEAT -when he texted you with his last response....OMG I'm still laughing. Thank you, no one else but one of us could read that, laugh and understand why the other was laughing.

(hands super glue so yer head don't pop off)

Maybe text back -

You are right. We will begin treating you like a respectful adult. First thing we respect is the fact you aren't doing what you said you would with the phone - so that's being cut off today at 5:00PM. ----
Respectfully - Your parents aka the 'free-ride' no more phone company.
=pss respectfully get your own service.
Thank you.

 

[Mom2oddson]

UPDATE! I can't believe it. husband is growing up! Maybe being away from everyone for seven months was a good thing.

The day the text arrived, husband called difficult child-A and told him to be home last night because they needed to have a serious talk. Well, as you can guess, difficult child-A didn't show up or call. So, on Sunday, we willl turn off difficult child-A's phone. Not doing it today because easy child is bringing his girlfriend over for the weekend so that she can meet husband. It looks like this girl, R, might be the one. So, we don't feel like exposing her to a difficult child rant/rage when she comes to visit. Not that easy child hasn't told her all about difficult children A & S or about Enabling Grandma, but hearing about them and being exposed to them at their worst are two different things.

So, on Sunday, husband will call difficult child-A and tell him that this is the last phone call you will ever receive that we are paying for. The phone will be turned off when I hang up. Then we can sit back and wait for the angry difficult child-A to show up at our house having a total meltdown at our totally unfair ways.

The thing I love the most about this site is that everyone here understands totally. I love that about you guys!

 

[witzend]

Excellent! Do you think you can get husband on board to change the locks?

 

[Nomad]

Awesome!
"Boundaries," is the word for the day. Follow that up with ACTION.

by the way, check out my post re: microwave....

 

[Mom2oddson]

There are reasons changing the locks won't work.

1) difficult child-A can't hold onto a key for the life of him. He has had to have the lock-smith out to his car several times.

2) He's skinny enough to fit through the doggie door. Found that out that last time I locked him out.

3) and let's not forget the true difficult child reason... if he wants in, he won't think twice about breaking a window to get in.

 

[witzend]

Oy!

 

[peg2]

As a lot of you know, I had to get a restraining order in February, my son has limited contact with my oldest, but my difficult child is mad at both his brothers. From what I understand, he is not doing a thing..........still!! Texted his older brother to ask me if he could come back home; are you kidding me??? Anyway, a little bit after I got the RO, I felt my blood pressure go up, it is high anyway and I was on medications, but I took it at the grocery store(very acurate) and it was 149/77 and then again another day it was 150/90, that scared me. The reading that someone else posted sounded out of control, I would have taken myself to the hospital ASAP if mine was that high. Anyway, my doctor presrcibed an additional medication and upped the dose on my original medication. The new medication is strong and I don't like some of the side affects, but I'd rather have those than a stroke!! It is now 115/53, or something like that. Definitley a coorelation and if for no other reason than your health, you need to get him out of the house. I am still devastated, but do not doubt my decision.
Good luck.

 

[Star*]

We will sit back and wait for angry difficult child rant..............

tch tch tch........"Now THAT is NOT conducive the the behaviors of a 'resectful' adult. Going out, getting a job and buying your own phone? Ahhh yes....that's the behavior of a responsible and respectful adult." - Then I swear I would not engage in further discussion. Other than to point to the door and as calmly as you said the above - SAY........one......word. "OUT." (over and over and over while pointing) - no I'm not kidding.

Hope the meeting your potential daughter in law will be wonderful! Enjoy that epic moment!