Dive Off the Deep End with Eyes Shut sheesh!!!

[Hound dog]

I had not heard from K in quite a while. I hadn't bothered to email her as I was swamped with end of the quarter stuff and exams. The last time we spoke she talked of moving to St Louis as there were no jobs to be had in springfield. In other words, her husband had been fired from probably every fast food joint and restaurant in town and no one would hire him back. Big long whine when I made suggestions..........so I just let it drop.

She contacted me tonight. They spent their entire welfare check for bus tickets, including her bio mom, to St. Louis!!

They know no one there.

They had no where to stay.

Just blindly hopped on a bus with no money and nowhere to go and headed for the big city. OMG

Of course all they have are the clothes on their backs. Which means everything I ever bought the grands was left behind in the motel room. Odds are she didn't even take photos or birth certificates or anything..........She had to mail away for their marriage license to get into a homeless shelter for families!!

But I pray that guardian angels watch over those innocent children at the mercy of 2 major difficult children.

One must have been on the bus. She opened her home to them, complete strangers, and is letting them stay until they can be placed into the homeless shelter. She has been helping them find services for clothing, housing and the like. (poor woman) They will bleed her dry until she wises up.

How can you be so totally irresponsible at 30 yrs old and 40 something?? OMG

Hey! Let's just take off to the city, and ya know if our 3 kids go hungry and have to sleep on the street that's just hunky dory!!! (insert a long stream of cussing)

Experience tells me:

1. They were being evicted from the motel

2. K had cps called on her

3. They probably have someone after them........again

I expect by the time school starts I will open my front door one day and K will be standing there 3 kids in tow. Seriously. My mom instincts tell me she is making her way here. And although I keep trying to tell myself that is over reacting.......... When I gave husband the news that was the 1st thing to come out of his mouth.

Unreal. I can't even send Kayla and Alex their birthday gifts.

I am soooooooooo doing detachment. But it is so NOT easy.

 

[susiestar]

How stupid and irresponsible!!!! They have NO business having custody of those kids!!! NONE!!!! The poor kids, esp the older ones who you know are trying desperately to take care of themselves, the younger one AND the parents!!! I am fuming with you!!!

You are exactly right that she is making her way to your door. She and her mom and that guy all figure that you will see the older two and won't be able to say NO to having them move in and steal you blind. IF you let them into your home PLEASE make sure that EVERY scrap of paper relating to anything financial is in a safe deposit box. They will scheme and steal until you are homeless too. It is their nature.

I just have a hunch that if they are not into identity theft now then they will be soon. Esp with well meaning people like the one helping them now letting them into her home. They will scheme until they find info and then try to get credit cards in the lady's name. It seems to be happening more and more to people and just seems like Kand that guy would find it far easier than getting jobs.

I am sorry the kids lost everything they ever had. Esp after you all scrimped and saved so much to make sure they had a good Christmas and even birthday presents that you now cannot send. I HATE to think of the situations those kids were and are being put in and exposed to. If they have not been abused already it is only by the grace of God.

You NEED to make a plan about what will happen when they show up. They WILL. Make a plan, put it in writing, make husband agree to it (in writing) and stick to it when they come. Decide NOW what you will do if you come home and husband has given them free run of your home. What will you be willing to do for the kids? Would you let the kids live with you if they signed custody over to you?

I am worried that they will show up, finagle a way in (using the kids), steal from you (possibly even putting your home up as collateral by stealing your identity - it is NOT as hard as it looks), and then leave you broken hearted and destitute. You may have to decide to voice your criticism of their decisions and parenting now so that they will cut ties with you. IF that might work. It will hurt to do. You know the kids are not well cared for and I know it hurts. Would it hurt less to alienate them now and have them cut ties or to have them show up, steal you into the poorhouse, and then leave because you have nothing else to give?

You have struggled through all but the last quarter of your program. It would be the WORST time for them to come, esp if it isn't as easy as it is reputed to be. You have so many plans for what you will do after you graduate. PLEASE do not let any of THEIR choices rob you of this dream.

while I worry about the kids, I don't know them really. I DO know you. I know how HARD you have worked for everything you have and how devastated you would be if they did what I suspect they plan to do.

Many hugs. Lots of support no matter what you decide. (Just don't let husband waffle and put you at risk you are not willing to take!)

Remember that just because they share some DNA with your husband does NOT mean you OWE them anything. YOU DO NOT!!! If anything they owe you, esp after the way they took off and broke your heart last time!

 

[JJJ]

If they make it to your home, and you want to be able to keep the kids, make them transfer custody of the kids to you. Tell them it is for insurance/school, whatever. Make sure to do it through court. Then when they want to move on, they'd have to go back to court in order to take the kids with them.

If you don't want to let them into your home, get a list of the homeless shelters and other resources in your area.

At least if they make it to you, you'll get to see the grands.

 

[hearts and roses]

I'm sorry Lisa, I have no suggestions. I am still sitting here slack-jaw over the incredulous way in which K chooses to live her life and continuously put her children in danger.

Many hugs for you - sending strength to go with your heart when and if they do show up on your doorstep. You have to keep your own goals in the forefront of your mind. Ultimately, as mothers we usually go with our hearts and where ever that leads you, you know you can come here for strength. Hugs~

 

[CrazyinVA]

I just can't comprehend why some of these kids do what they do. I think your instincts are dead on ... they will show up at some point. I agree that developing a plan is in order at this point.

Hugs.

 

[trinityroyal]

Lisa, I'm so very sorry.

I can only reiterate what the others have already said. Your mommy gut instinct has been spot-on with regard to K's situation and choices before, and I don't see why that would be any different this time.
I agree that you can't let them rob you of the dream you've been fighting so long and hard for, and I agree that you need to take the lead-time you've been given to make plans. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C...heck, Plan Z if necessary. Also, whatever you decide to do, make sure that your husband, Nicole, Travis and easy child will all stick to it. The last thing you need is for someone to undermine the stance you've taken.

Sending hugs, strength and prayers.

Trinity

 

[janebrain]

Lisa, I am so sorry and can so relate (see my new thread on being fooled by difficult child again). I can so imagine my difficult child doing the same thing yours is doing.
Hugs,
Jane

 

[KTMom91]

I'm sorry, Lisa.

Many, many hugs.

 

[Bean]

I'm... yeah. Same as everyone else. Mouth open and so very much feeling for ya, hon. Wow, wow, wow. Amazing the thought-process.

 

[Hound dog]

I am in the process of making a plan. Well.......I'm trying to. Susie I had to laugh when you mentioned husband waffling.........because well.........it's awful but I am the one with a parental bond with K, not husband. He would have a cow if she showed up here expecting to move in. The decision though rests completely with me. Anything concerning our children does, it's been that way from the beginning, it always will be.

They will not as a family live with us. That will never happen. Three adults who are able to work and who should know better........I've got absolutely no sympathy or even empathy for. I can honestly say that it would not affect me at all knowing those 3 were sleeping on the street doing without.........because they've done it to themselves.

The grands, on the other hand, are another matter. They are at the mercy of their parents stupidity. Kayla and Alex have never lived anywhere long term, never even owned anything longer than a few months. What pictures there are of them I have.........because I know from past experience any she had were left behind. God only knows what they have/are living thru. I try hard not to think about it because it makes it easier to detach.

I think eventually she will wind up here, on my doorstep. I think that has been the plan all along..........but when I didn't fall for her pity me routine and bring them here, they decided to make there way here in hopes of forcing my hand when they get here.

Won't happen. Same for easy child and Nichole. This is not the case of omg I just lost my job, my home........This is I'm too lazy to keep a job/work......sponging off anyone and everyone.....Big difference.

I've not made a decision as far as the grands. There I am torn. No child should have to live such a life. I would not hesitate to take Kayla and Alex into my home. It wouldn't be easy, but I would without even thinking hard on it. But Evan.......and this makes me feel like a horrible person.........I have no bond with.......and is omg the wild child from hades, no discipline whatsoever can't even keep clothes on the kid, rips destructive as all get out.........Could most likely give many of the difficult children here a run for their money. Maybe it's due to autism......maybe it's due to abuse, neglect, and horrible parenting. I dunno. But I recoil at the thought of bringing him into my home. And like I said.....makes me feel horrible just to say that. But it is the truth. And I have to be honest with myself in this. And I don't know how I can justify taking the older 2 and not him. But I know it would take husband 5 mins of such behavior before he'd blow his top........and I'm not sure how much patience I'd have either. I'm not as young as I used to be.

So that is where I'm stuck. If I did bring the grands into my home I would insist on custody for many reasons. Otherwise I wouldn't even consider it.

Just can not believe, can not fathom the mindset of K and her husband.

 

[DammitJanet]

Lisa...I am just sick over thinking about this for you. I get what you mean about separating the three kids. How can you but sheesh, we aint spring chickens anymore! I am tired after having Keyana here and she is easy...lol. I am planning on having Hailie come for a week in a few weeks and think I need my head examined to even contimplate it! (Gonna have Keyana here to help me...lol) I dont know if I could take on all of the grands if I had to either. I guess I would but sheesh! I feel ancient.

I have a feeling if K shows up, she is doing it just to dump her problems on you. No other reason. Its not to say hi and how are ya.