Critter Lover
New Member
ROTFLMAO @ Star
I think you are invited the next time I go to PA...LOL.
I think you are invited the next time I go to PA...LOL.
Do Relatives have brains before they open their mouth?
- Thread starter Critter Lover
- Start date
Critter Lover
New Member
awwwwww so sorry Shari....that was very heartless of that cousin.
I think I would have been tempted to stick my nose in to that conversation and ask the cousin that they were talking to ....if that
is the way he felt as well? Then I would have yanked their parents
in to the conversation to get them to apologize.....unless we are
talking about adults and then I would have said what Star suggested
concerning opinions....LOL.
Some people are so insensitive to special needs including some relatives.
I think I would have been tempted to stick my nose in to that conversation and ask the cousin that they were talking to ....if that
is the way he felt as well? Then I would have yanked their parents
in to the conversation to get them to apologize.....unless we are
talking about adults and then I would have said what Star suggested
concerning opinions....LOL.
Some people are so insensitive to special needs including some relatives.
Critter Lover
New Member
Very Sad Shari......I would chose not to associate with them anymore.
They are not worth the time....especially since they are relatives and should know better than to say such things.
HUGS and I understand!
Critter Lover
They are not worth the time....especially since they are relatives and should know better than to say such things.
HUGS and I understand!
Critter Lover
gcvmom
Here we go again!
I have ignorant relatives on both sides of our family who have shared similar views about our difficult child's with us.
Needless to say, I resisted my urge to slap
but I no longer share things about difficult child issues either. They don't understand. They don't CARE to understand. And I no longer CARE if they understand.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. Know what I mean??
Needless to say, I resisted my urge to slap
but I no longer share things about difficult child issues either. They don't understand. They don't CARE to understand. And I no longer CARE if they understand. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. Know what I mean??
I think that is still a common society response. It is much easier to blame the parents than to accept there may be a mental illness in the family.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. It really is not fair!
You are a great parent and have done your job well. You had to face and overcome challenges so difficult that aunt wouldn't have a clue as to where to start if she had those challenges.
Many people do not see beyond the behavior. They can not see the wonderful child that we see in our own difficult child. We see the kind hearts, the anguish, the struggles, the lost dreams. We see the inability to make choices. We see that life is overwhelming and/or confusing for our children and their behaviors are the response to frustrations to fit in, to have friends, to enjoy life, to "get it".
Your child is a wonderful person. You have tried to pull the good parts out and teach him to control the not so good parts. You can only do so much. Ignore those mean comments from people with less than a clue than your difficult child has and stay strong.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. It really is not fair!
You are a great parent and have done your job well. You had to face and overcome challenges so difficult that aunt wouldn't have a clue as to where to start if she had those challenges.
Many people do not see beyond the behavior. They can not see the wonderful child that we see in our own difficult child. We see the kind hearts, the anguish, the struggles, the lost dreams. We see the inability to make choices. We see that life is overwhelming and/or confusing for our children and their behaviors are the response to frustrations to fit in, to have friends, to enjoy life, to "get it".
Your child is a wonderful person. You have tried to pull the good parts out and teach him to control the not so good parts. You can only do so much. Ignore those mean comments from people with less than a clue than your difficult child has and stay strong.
KTMom91
Well-Known Member
Another mom who has heard the speech. "You know, she'd be fine if you hadn't gotten a divorce, she's just reacting badly to that." "Well, the time you're taking up by going to school could better be spent with her." "I can't believe you're allowing her to take that medication. Don't you know it's poison?" "You need to be firmer with her. That'll solve all her problems. You're just too lenient." "You're too hard on her. You're teaching her to hate."
Thank you, friends and family, for your advice, but unless you have walked a mile in my mommy moccasins...keep your fat mouth shut.
Thank you, friends and family, for your advice, but unless you have walked a mile in my mommy moccasins...keep your fat mouth shut.
lillians
lillians
ah yes the well meaning folks outside your box,,they are to funny,,and thats exactly what i tell them and i walk!!if yu would do this-- and that if your parenting style was better,, what in the world were yu thinking taking these kids on is our biggest thing,,my bio children rarely ever come near because of it all watching us go down hill as they say while we do everything wrong,, with 2 kids we shouldnt have ever taken on well this is 17 years to late,, shush ,, and go home to your lives
Marguerite
Active Member
Critterlover, don't take it on board. She clearly isn't someone whose opinion counts much with anyone.
What I'd be more incensed about - she throws her opinion around like that but doesn't practice what she preaches.
And as for the boys eating someone else's food in the cellar - I'd have told her, if only to explain why her boys probably wouldn't want to eat their dinner. I'd have also given her the half-empty jars, since once they're opened it needs to be used up and she may as well get to finish it all. I'd hand them over politely, but very publicly too. With a smile. "Those boys of yours are so hungry, don't you ever feed them? Would you believe, they helped themselves to these sealed spaghetti sauce jars in the larder; they clearly enjoy some home cooking for a change!"
She wouldn't be able to refuse them without losing even more face.
And Star - your first comment definitely, but not the second. The second is the one you think.
As for bi*** slapping - all that would do is confirm her negative opinion of you and provide more fuel for negative gossip. Sometimes it's much better revenge to prove them wrong, publicly. With a sweet smile. It's also much more enjoyable for longer, because you can always look back with a smile and know you never lowered yourself to her level.
Family members are often the ones most in denial. Older family members are especially in denial if there is any possibly psychiatric component to a problem (or they think there is). There used to be a lot of stigma to psychiatric treatment, my mother in law is still very prejudiced about it, to the point of fear. There have been times over the years when I've had to lie to my in-laws about treatments for any of us, because they wouldn't have handled it. I was very resentful about this because it was often at a time when I would have valued talking to them about our problems; only they would never have accepted the involvement of a psychiatrist.
I'd be ignoring her. The fact that sister in law told you about it says SHE was at least scandalised on your behalf. Sounds like this aunt is in a minority.
Marg
What I'd be more incensed about - she throws her opinion around like that but doesn't practice what she preaches.
And as for the boys eating someone else's food in the cellar - I'd have told her, if only to explain why her boys probably wouldn't want to eat their dinner. I'd have also given her the half-empty jars, since once they're opened it needs to be used up and she may as well get to finish it all. I'd hand them over politely, but very publicly too. With a smile. "Those boys of yours are so hungry, don't you ever feed them? Would you believe, they helped themselves to these sealed spaghetti sauce jars in the larder; they clearly enjoy some home cooking for a change!"
She wouldn't be able to refuse them without losing even more face.
And Star - your first comment definitely, but not the second. The second is the one you think.
As for bi*** slapping - all that would do is confirm her negative opinion of you and provide more fuel for negative gossip. Sometimes it's much better revenge to prove them wrong, publicly. With a sweet smile. It's also much more enjoyable for longer, because you can always look back with a smile and know you never lowered yourself to her level.
Family members are often the ones most in denial. Older family members are especially in denial if there is any possibly psychiatric component to a problem (or they think there is). There used to be a lot of stigma to psychiatric treatment, my mother in law is still very prejudiced about it, to the point of fear. There have been times over the years when I've had to lie to my in-laws about treatments for any of us, because they wouldn't have handled it. I was very resentful about this because it was often at a time when I would have valued talking to them about our problems; only they would never have accepted the involvement of a psychiatrist.
I'd be ignoring her. The fact that sister in law told you about it says SHE was at least scandalised on your behalf. Sounds like this aunt is in a minority.
Marg
