Do you have trouble telling others when something is wrong?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, May 14, 2018.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am at the Clubhouse today where everyone is so friendly and caring and close and I am very worried about one of my sweet dogs. I came here partly to have company while waiting to take him to the vet tonight. Yet I find I don't want to tell anyone. And I haven't although it may help to talk about it??

    I am also terrible at confronting others when something bothers me or upsets me so I don't. I almost rather never talk again than have an uncomfortable conversation with the person. Fortunately this has not been necessary often, but the times it has, nothing is ever resolved.

    In short, I am very talkative, but sometimes I can not talk about how I feel or what bothers me. I can tell my husband, but not really anyone else.

    How are you at speaking up for your feelings or getting your needs met in a conversation? Are you afraid of confrontation? I know I am Too much. And I don't like people to know if I am worried about something.
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I'm a blabbermouth about my problems really...though only to people removed from them. That is to say, if I was worried about something to do with Jabber, relationship issues (which we really never have anyway) - I could tell my friends, but I would have a hard time confronting HIM. If a friend hurts my feelings, or if they are clearly struggling (alcohol/depression/etc.) - I have a terrible time telling HER, though I could let others know I'm down or worried because of it. So confrontation? No. Hate it. Something less pets, even things like finances - I have no problem telling other people.

    I suspect I'm a quite tiring person at times, actually.
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  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I also tell too much of my personal life to people. I am an open book. I am working on that.

    I do tell my friends when things are bothering me but I would not tell someone I don't know that well.

    Luckily my son is in a good place now (literally and mentally) and although I worry about his future and probably always will, I am blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my husband and our two older boys are doing great.

    I hate confrontation! I get very easily hurt by others. Really need to grow thicker skin someday.....
  4. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Same here. I have very few people i will tell i feel like i am burdening them. I also hate confrontation.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I especially don't want to burdon my kids with my worries.

    I am pretty scared of confrontation and can not think rationally or speak clearly in the midst of it. So I avoid.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Nope. I'll tell you. Even if you don't ask me what's wrong.
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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The funny thing is people tend to tell me their problems or worries even if I just met them lol. I don't mind hearing them at all and try to help.
  8. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    I'm tactful and pick my points wisely, often weighing-over the after-effects of such words.

    It simply all depends on what exactly it is that is going on, and if words are warranted. By nature I'm fairly neutral as a person, and try to avoid conflict of any kind.
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My husband calls me "Dear Rhonda" because everyone tells me THEIR problems and I try to help them sort it out.

    I am a good listener and really care when those I care about have something bad going on. However, by being that way I have attracted some people that are always in crisis and just recently I have had to pull away from one or two because I can't handle it anymore. It is never ending. They don't take advice either so it's a waste of words. Or everything is always about "them" even though I've been on a hell highway for many years and that is why I'm here.

    It has to be give and take in any relationship!
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  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am at the point where I won't let anyone take advantage of me this way. And it has to be give and take, although as stated I am not good at telling somebody when something bothers me until after the hurt is over. But you can tell when somebody cares about you too.

    I get uncomfortable when someone I barely know tells me a lot. Yet this is how I met my BFF (R.I P.). She started telling me her whole life story and as she did so she would stop, look puzzled, and say,"I never tell this to anyone!" But in this case it was meant to be and we both pretty much ended up knowing everything about one another. We were totally like sisters. I miss her still.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I have a tendency to tell too much. I rarely have trouble telling someone when something is bothering me, but it does happen.

    Years ago in the middle of the Difficult Child stuff...yes, I think I talked wayyy too much. It was over the top difficult. This site was very helpful.

    It kind of hit me like a punch in the mouth when I realized one friend almost enjoyed (that's not exactly right...but close) to hear of all my difficulties. Especially, when she too was having difficulties in her life. It made her feel better. OMG. She accidentally blurted this out one day and then regretted it. I certainly did NOT like knowing that.

    I've pulled back a little. After all, I figure many people don't need to or want to hear all the details of your life. Even very good stuff might leave a person envious or wondering if you are trying to show off.

    on the other hand, I have a friend that is tight lipped. She is the one I travel with sometimes that I mentioned in a post here. I've known her MANY years. At times, she is so tight lipped about personal matters, that THIS almost feels awkward. Particularly about anything negative. But, it might be about positive things too. Done excessively (as she can do at times) it can leave you cold.

    I am trying to be a better listener. I think being a good friend entails this. It has paid off for me with my friends and relatives. We all have so much going on in our lives.