Does juvy really help?

[MyHrt31]

Thanks everyone! The connection broke up so I went for a walk

Wiped Out, I was wondering what you thought about the situation with my difficult child. Do you have any advice I can offer the teachers being a teacher yourself? I actually have no issue with the teachers in that school. They are very nice and there is one who feels he does not belong there. She has worked with another Aspie just like my difficult child and she feels that he should have never been sent to the behavioral school. She thinks these issues are mainly apart of his exceptionality. I wish I could get her in on the meeting but I'm afraid she'll be reprimanded if she speaks her mind about the issues with my son. She's the one who's pushing for me to get one on one aid for my difficult child and she informed me of the Assistive Technology Assessment (something new to me).

Things to do:

1. Contact special education lawyer
2. Contact Department of Education for state about principal's comments
3. Find alternate resources for schools/services besides Juvy
4. Locate a neuropsychiatrist and schedule an appointment for true diagnosis
5. Check on medication re evaluation for difficult child
6. Contact NAMI for resources/Parents Education and Advocacy Training Center
7. Contact mental health advocate/attorney for this area (CHECK

I'm sure there are other things that I am forgetting right now but I feel much better about this situation Thanks again for all the support everyone!!

 

[DDD]

Lately it seems like I have been encouraging everyone to put on the brakes before complaining about authority figures. Believe me I am not a wimp....I'm quite assertive and have to reign in aggressive on occasion BUT I don't think it is in your son's best interest to jump up the ladder and complain about the lady who will remain in charge of your sons school.

Since she spoke out so inappropriately before, I can easily imagine that she could retaliate in subtle ways that could be emotionally harmful to your son. There is some old expression winking: obviously I should know it!) that paraphrased says keep your friends close but your enemies closer. That's my advice in this situation.

You'll be seeking help and answers from others that hopefully will lead your son to the right assistance. I would stay connected at the school and, if it can be done casually, tell the Principal that you have thought about what she said the other day and you are seeking the best experts to make sure that difficult child can be the best he can be. Although you don't agree with many things that she said that you appreciate that as an educator she is trying to support the family. Something along that line so she knows you don't agree with her but that you are seeking top quality help so everyone will be on the same "let's help difficult child do his best" page. DDD

 

[SpunkyTaz]

Food for thought: Call Juvie and see if you can make an appointment to get the "grand tour". I did this with my daughter two weeks ago and (knock on wood) she has not been in any trouble like that since. She is 10 and has ADHD, Tourettes and ODD. My point to her is that the law does not care what conditions or problems you have, you are still responsible for your behaviors (she told a student at her school she was going to shoot her, which was the last straw for me). So far, it seemed to have worked. Good luck.

 

[susiestar]

You should probably copy your post and put it on the Special Education forum. You may get a lot of specific help from the moderators over there. in my humble opinion they are WONDERFUL AMAZON WARRIOR MOMS!! They often have specific sites or literature that is directly on point for your situation.

Whatever you do, keep going up the chain of command at the education system until you get help. If it gets worse call your State Representatives/Legislators.

Do a search on the internet for homeschool groups in your area and the laws about homeschooling in your state. Just use "Homeschool groups" and your state. You will get info and often the groups are VERY supportive. It may be very helpful - often parents decide to homeschool because problems like the ones you are facing. I have been in several homeschool groups and had a LOT of support. (I homeschooled Wiz for 3rd and 4th grades because his teachers were similar to yours but even worse. They actually abused him emotionally to the point he tried to commit suicide at the end of 2nd grade. Serious attempt. NOT playing or wondering - he had a plan that would have been very successful. Our h/s friends nurtured and supported us, even through wiz more dangerous behaviors.) If you look at these groups you may find resources to help and lots of support.

Sending lots of hugs and confidence.

 

[klmno]

Another thought (and sorry if I'm bombarding you on this)- after reading DDD's last post, Keep in mind that you don't want to come across as complaining. Even though you need to gather facts and get advice, playing dumb works well. IOW- instead of saying something along the lines of "I want this for my child or my child needs this" it seems to work better to say "well, I had him evaluation'd by experts and they suggested ABC". Although, still, in the end, Department of Juvenile Justice threw all that out for my difficult child, too. So, I can't stress enough to get him in another agency asap and keep Department of Juvenile Justice from taking over.

 

[BusynMember]

An Aspie is NOT BD and should be in a class for kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or Learning Disability (LD) (Learning Disability (LD) worked for my son). Jeez. I'd call yelling at the Dept. of Public Education and be firm.

 

[MyHrt31]

Grrr... my computer connection is not cooperating

I have already heard from his psychologist and she definitely recommends requesting a one on one aid and to push for him to go back to his regular school. The mental health advocate wrote me back and asked me to call her this morning before the meeting. Yay! I am going to take a nice walk before I go to the meeting to clear out my emotions because like DDD mentioned, I don't want my son suffering if he ends up having to stay there. The psychologist also mentioned that she knows of a home school but its really pricey. If I do get this job, depending on my salary, I may just go for it.

klmno, you are not bombarding me at all! I appreciate each and every comment and suggestion. I know you have been through this and I know how hard you fought for your son. You are my inspiration!

Susie, I'll definitely copy and paste this for the Ed board (I had forgotten about it because I mainly come here, lol).

SpunkyTaz, thanks for the advice. Just the video I showed him scared the heck out of him, I can imagine going there in person, lol.

Thanks again to each of you for your comments and suggestions. I am about to call the mental health advocate and then head off to the meeting. I'll be sure to post an update here when I get out. Thanks again!!

 

[JJJ]

You seem very well educated (congrats on the Masters!). Could you home school him for the rest of the year? That may decrease his problems as he'll be in a safer, calmer environment. Also, my personal experience with stims on my autistic/bipolar son (Tigger) is that they make him very aggressive and it is not his fault when the adults in his life make him take drugs that do that to him -- so no more stims for my son, ever.

 

[WSM]

Our difficult child could have gone to juvvy at age nine, but the judges just didn't want to do it. They kept dropping charges to keep him out (3 felonies, weapons to school). And they didn't have (so they said) other alternatives except a wildly inappropriate 'diversion' program that told him all about huffing and sex.

I can't see how juvvy would help a chemical imbalance or a brain structural difference like aspbergers. It will only make anxiety much worse.

A 9 year old will be eaten alive in a place like that. I can't see how it can make anything better, except to make him so afraid of going back and give him such nightmares he becomes medication compliant--but that's not the problem, is it?

And why should he follow his contract, do it or go to juvvy? What does juvvy mean to him? Nothing, it won't mean anything until it's too late. I can't believe they'd send a 9 year old to juvvy rather than an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or a therapeutic foster home.

It's craziness.

 

[MyHrt31]

I'm back! So the meeting was actually a manifestation of the incident that occured on Friday. Before the meeting started, I explained, in no uncertain terms, that this incident was without a doubt apart of my difficult child exceptionality. The principal started off with... "Well he got to school and refused to do any work and that's how all started, that's how it always starts." I interupted her and told her that I wanted the teacher who witnessed the incident in the room because I wanted to hear it from her, not someone who was not there. She stopped what she was doing, and went to get her. The teacher said this, "difficult child and another student started arguing as soon as they got into class (notice she did not say anything about difficult child refusing to do work BECAUSE THAT DID NOT HAPPEN THAT DAY). She said that the other kid got up and got in difficult child face so they started arguing. She made the other kid go and sit in his desk but the arguing continued. difficult child said something that really upset the other kid and the other kid went to hit difficult child so difficult child threw a chair at him. The teacher got in the way to protect the other kid and got hit instead. She said she had never seen difficult child so angry and that he was really sorry that he hit her. difficult child swears that the other kid actually hit him but the teacher said she did not see the other kid hit difficult child. So there's the story... Either way, difficult child does not do well with teasing, bullying, or someone coming after him to hit him so he fights back. Its apart of his exceptionality, end of story.

I addressed the principal and explained that while I did appreciate her suggestions on parenting, I have my own behavior modification program that was created by his PSYCHOLOGIST. I very firmly told them that this was apart of his exceptionality and that this was not manipulation as he was accused of on Friday. I also mentioned that I spoke with a mental health attorney and she was locating resources for me that could help to get difficult child the services he needs to continue his education.

The principal apologized and said she did not mean to question my parenting skills nor does she think this is ALL manipulation by difficult child. Then she asked me if difficult child threw something at someone in public, would he be excused because of his exceptionality. I told her that he would be held accountable but in the end, it is all about his disability. I think she was upset because she thinks we are using his disability as a crutch for his behaviors.

I told them that this was not the atmosphere that I wanted my difficult child in and that he was learning nothing but negative behaviors from being there so long. They offered us something called STA where difficult child would go to school on Mondays and Fridays at a special school with just two teachers and one other child. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, we would have a teacher come to our home to do schoolwork with difficult child. I told them that I was not ready to make a decision and that I would talk it over with his doctors to see if it sounded like it would benefit difficult child.

I am waiting for the doctor to call me back at this time to see what her thoughts are on this "arrangement". I would have to get it signed off by the doctors for approval if they feel that this is the best route to go with difficult child.

So that was it, I am just weighing the pros and cons about the arrangment because it would meaning finding childcare for the days when he is homebound (Tuesdays - Thursdays). Of course, I would much prefer this to getting called at work to pick him up from school because he is "out of control"

The Director of Special Services mentioned that the principal was able to get through to difficult child because, "she don't play". I am assuming that she means that the principal makes good on her threats and follows through. <insert eye roll>

Anyway, I am working with difficult child now on his schoolwork. I decided to take him home for the day because there is no way he will get any work done if he's got all the distractions this school provides him. He's quietly doing his math homework at this time and giving me no problem

Thanks again for all of your support and encouragment. I am waiting for the Mental Health Attorney to call me back. She knows of a neuropsychologist in this area and she's getting me his number. Plus, she has a number to another advocacy group in our state capital that can provide additional support and services for us.

If I thought the schools here would be capable of handling him, I'd fight to keep him at school full time. At this point, I feel that he has been labeled and that the schools have no idea what to do with him. I think that this program may be good for him because it will be only him and one other student with two teachers. He will have the opportunity to learn with less distractions which is a great thing. Thanks again for all of your support and I am open to constructive criticism if you feel I should have done something different. There are a lot of phone calls I still need to make but I wanted to come in and update you all on what happened. I hope you are all having an excellent day!!! Thanks again!!

I forgot to mention that juvy was not brought up at all in the meeting. I am assuming that either it was dropped or they have already referred us to the courts and we'll get a letter or phone call sometime soon. That's another thing the mental health attorney was completely against so I honestly don't see it being an issue... of course I have put my foot in my mouth before, lol.

 

[DDD]

Way To Go! I can't believe that I didn't warn you about the Manifestation possibility. Had it not been for CD family members I would have walked in blind and my difficult child would have been kicked out of school. You did well. You did VERY well.

I am so proud that you are seeking out experts to be "on your side". Even though your difficult child is so young, I am glad you realize that his permanent records with the school are just that "permanent". Every word that is in the report is important. Also remember that no matter how disabled your son is the school board has a legal obligation to educate him to be his best. They love having parents take over by homeschooling etc. because it makes life easier for them BUT it can be costly in many ways for the family.

Good luck. Take it one step at a time. DDD

PS: It sounds like your response to the Principal was on target!

 

[Stef]

I don't see how putting someone in with the dregs of society will help the person. Recidivism is around 80&#37; in most cases. I believe it's the States way of burying a problem. It's a lot cheaper to incarcerate than treat someone. And once someone has been put in, it's always going to be on the record. The next step will be the Big House itself come 18 yo. No Juvee won't help. It may help the person develop gang affiliation, or learn the newest technique to blindside someone and take their cash, but I don't think much else. Juvy is for real criminals- nothing else.