I don't know what do with my 5-year-old son. I wrote on the early childhood boards awhile ago but now I will write here. I will give a brief background; was born as a healthy almost 8 lb baby. No birth complications. He was pretty normal until 18 months old when he started waking up many times a night, screaming his head off and inconsolable for 20-30 min each time. (many times a night, every single night, he hardly slept) pediatrician said it was a phase. We co-slept with him and would rub his back throughout the night to calm him and this helped him fall asleep, but still the middle of the night fits continued daily. His behavior started going down the tubes. He was constantly tired and angry, throwing 1-2 hr long screaming tantrums several times a day. Finally at age 3 we did a sleep study, found out he had bad sleep apnea, and removed his tonsils. Immediately he began SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT and the constant night terrors stopped. It felt like a miracle. We could not believe it. For awhile his behavior got better and better and we thought he was finally going to be a normal, happy child. Unfortunately, in the last year, his behavior has taken a huge turn for the worse.
As for our family---I am a stay at home mom and my husband is a very loving, patient, and supportive husband and father. We have 4 children and our other three kids are as normal and sweet and easy as can be. We have always practiced attachment parenting and co-slept, nursed, baby-wore, etc. We rarely yell and never spank. We are firm, and inappropriate behavior always leads to an immediate time-out. If we say there is going to be a punishment, we always follow-through. We have also always been big on playtime with our kids. M gets lots of love and affection and attention. I'm not saying we are the best parents or perfect. But we do try really hard to do what we think is best. Plenty of people have told me that all M needs is a good "butt whooping" and think attachment parenting is too soft, but I disagree that smacking my son will help with his violence. The amount of patience and self-control is takes to parent my son is exhausting and leaves me feeling drained every night. Anyway, here is my son in a nutshell.
--is very violent with me and husband. Will hit, kick, hair pull and come after us with objects. Destroys things around the house daily on purpose.
--fights EVERYTHING. Fights getting dressed. Fights eating meals. Fights getting into the car, etc. Purposely turns every single thing he needs to do into a fight. We try not to ask much and pick our battles. This morning, he raged for a full 2.5 hrs in his time out room, because he didn't want to get dressed but he wanted to go to a friend's house and couldn't go in pjs. His behavior really matches ODD perfectly.
--very explosive. If his ipad game stops working, he throws it at me because its somehow my fault; its not working. If he steps on a thorn, he screams and then comes after me with sticks because its my fault; he got hurt. He gets violent many times a day. And he doesn't just hit and kick me once or twice, he hits and kicks, and pinches over and over until I can restrain him or get him to his time out room. (we lock it)
--Has some sensory issues. Quite sensitive to tastes and smells and noises. However, many of his fights/meltdowns are not sensory-based. He just likes to fight with me.
--Does not seem to feel remorse after violent rages. He will smile or laugh when I cry from the pain he's inflicted on me.
--he needs A LOT of stimulation, especially social stimulation. I sit and play with him many times a day and its not enough. husband also plays with him when he gets home from work. We also go to the park, library, swimming etc, and provide him many fun things to do. Still, he complains constantly he is BORED. He has no independent play skills. He always wants attention from me. A common scenario is that I play a game with him and then I give him a snack and turn on a TV show and tell him to watch it while I shower. Just 4 min later, he is banging down my shower door, breaking things and screaming that he NEEDS me to play with him because he is already bored. You can give him attention all day and its never ever enough.
--We try to leave the house to do fun stuff, and M loves fun activities, but he always gets angry at some point during them. We have to cut activities short much of the time, because he goes into a rage over something he doesn't like.
--Will unbuckle himself in the car and PEES in defiance in his room. (was fully potty trained at 2.5) What to do about this awful behavior??
--loves animals. We have pet rats and he takes very good care of them. He will take them up to his room to play with them and I peek in on him and he's always very sweet and gentle with them. He's never done anything to hurt them.
--he's VERY social and loves friends. He has very good social skills. He gets invited on many playdates a week and has three close friends. His friend's mom's say he is very well-behaved at their house and is welcome anytime. When he has a friend over at our house, he is much more respectful and cooperative towards me and complains he is bored much less.
---is 100% well-behaved (different child) at gymnastics, swimming, and preschool. (Preschool is 3 days a week, 2 hrs a day)
--he cares about peers. If he sees another child crying on the street, he will run up to them and ask if he can do something to help them and give them a hug.
--10% of the time, he can be sweet and loving to me. He will say I love you and try to be helpful and cooperative and affectionate. This is always fleeting though.
--extremely, genius-level bright. Our older sons are in full-time gifted programs in school. M is a much faster learner than his brothers. At age 5 he is teaching himself multiplication and division.
He has seen 3 child therapists and we are starting with #4 next week. No one seems to know how to help him. I've heard he may have ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, Aspergers, Anxiety, Depression, Bi-polar, etc. I have read a ton of books and articles and none of these disorders match him very well or stand out to me. He has "bits" of all of them, but none are a strong fit. The last therapist said that M is an enigma and she had never seen any kid like him in her 10 years of practice. Everyone wants to medicate him. I am at a loss and starting to suffer from depression/anxiety and feel like I'm on the verge of a serious mental breakdown. Every day with him is this crazy-drawn out fight over the littlest things. He violence is out of control and I wake up everyday in fear. Thanks for your help.
As for our family---I am a stay at home mom and my husband is a very loving, patient, and supportive husband and father. We have 4 children and our other three kids are as normal and sweet and easy as can be. We have always practiced attachment parenting and co-slept, nursed, baby-wore, etc. We rarely yell and never spank. We are firm, and inappropriate behavior always leads to an immediate time-out. If we say there is going to be a punishment, we always follow-through. We have also always been big on playtime with our kids. M gets lots of love and affection and attention. I'm not saying we are the best parents or perfect. But we do try really hard to do what we think is best. Plenty of people have told me that all M needs is a good "butt whooping" and think attachment parenting is too soft, but I disagree that smacking my son will help with his violence. The amount of patience and self-control is takes to parent my son is exhausting and leaves me feeling drained every night. Anyway, here is my son in a nutshell.
--is very violent with me and husband. Will hit, kick, hair pull and come after us with objects. Destroys things around the house daily on purpose.
--fights EVERYTHING. Fights getting dressed. Fights eating meals. Fights getting into the car, etc. Purposely turns every single thing he needs to do into a fight. We try not to ask much and pick our battles. This morning, he raged for a full 2.5 hrs in his time out room, because he didn't want to get dressed but he wanted to go to a friend's house and couldn't go in pjs. His behavior really matches ODD perfectly.
--very explosive. If his ipad game stops working, he throws it at me because its somehow my fault; its not working. If he steps on a thorn, he screams and then comes after me with sticks because its my fault; he got hurt. He gets violent many times a day. And he doesn't just hit and kick me once or twice, he hits and kicks, and pinches over and over until I can restrain him or get him to his time out room. (we lock it)
--Has some sensory issues. Quite sensitive to tastes and smells and noises. However, many of his fights/meltdowns are not sensory-based. He just likes to fight with me.
--Does not seem to feel remorse after violent rages. He will smile or laugh when I cry from the pain he's inflicted on me.
--he needs A LOT of stimulation, especially social stimulation. I sit and play with him many times a day and its not enough. husband also plays with him when he gets home from work. We also go to the park, library, swimming etc, and provide him many fun things to do. Still, he complains constantly he is BORED. He has no independent play skills. He always wants attention from me. A common scenario is that I play a game with him and then I give him a snack and turn on a TV show and tell him to watch it while I shower. Just 4 min later, he is banging down my shower door, breaking things and screaming that he NEEDS me to play with him because he is already bored. You can give him attention all day and its never ever enough.
--We try to leave the house to do fun stuff, and M loves fun activities, but he always gets angry at some point during them. We have to cut activities short much of the time, because he goes into a rage over something he doesn't like.
--Will unbuckle himself in the car and PEES in defiance in his room. (was fully potty trained at 2.5) What to do about this awful behavior??
--loves animals. We have pet rats and he takes very good care of them. He will take them up to his room to play with them and I peek in on him and he's always very sweet and gentle with them. He's never done anything to hurt them.
--he's VERY social and loves friends. He has very good social skills. He gets invited on many playdates a week and has three close friends. His friend's mom's say he is very well-behaved at their house and is welcome anytime. When he has a friend over at our house, he is much more respectful and cooperative towards me and complains he is bored much less.
---is 100% well-behaved (different child) at gymnastics, swimming, and preschool. (Preschool is 3 days a week, 2 hrs a day)
--he cares about peers. If he sees another child crying on the street, he will run up to them and ask if he can do something to help them and give them a hug.
--10% of the time, he can be sweet and loving to me. He will say I love you and try to be helpful and cooperative and affectionate. This is always fleeting though.
--extremely, genius-level bright. Our older sons are in full-time gifted programs in school. M is a much faster learner than his brothers. At age 5 he is teaching himself multiplication and division.
He has seen 3 child therapists and we are starting with #4 next week. No one seems to know how to help him. I've heard he may have ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, Aspergers, Anxiety, Depression, Bi-polar, etc. I have read a ton of books and articles and none of these disorders match him very well or stand out to me. He has "bits" of all of them, but none are a strong fit. The last therapist said that M is an enigma and she had never seen any kid like him in her 10 years of practice. Everyone wants to medicate him. I am at a loss and starting to suffer from depression/anxiety and feel like I'm on the verge of a serious mental breakdown. Every day with him is this crazy-drawn out fight over the littlest things. He violence is out of control and I wake up everyday in fear. Thanks for your help.
) Today she got in when I told her it was time, and gave herself her bath, and it's been like this "mostly" for over a month and fully for two weeks. I had read similar experiences about FG on various forums, but truly didn't think we would be as successful. My daughter's behavior had gotten scary enough that I had to try it, and now I am so grateful I did. I know it won't help every child, unfortunately, but I am so grateful that we tried it. Please let me know if I can give you any more information. Your wonderful lists of concerns and strengths really could be my daughter's...
