katya02
Solace
Hi, I've been away from this site for a few years, but used to post on the forums when we were going through tough times with difficult child 2. He graduated high school last year and has been at college this year, and I hoped and prayed that he'd grab this opportunity and do well.
It hasn't happened. Since the summer before senior year he's gotten drunk several times, including while visiting relatives and in other really inappropriate situations. Last spring he used pot at someone's birthday party (we got a phone call). In Oct. '07 he was charged with underage drinking - found wandering outside the dorm hall in bedroom slippers, completely smashed. He did the counseling sessions, had his licence suspended, and we paid the fine on condition that he straighten out and also provide his expertise in building an outbuilding on our property this summer. He was in a steady relationship with a girl who is/was really good for him ... a hard worker, independent, honest, and not a drinker. I was so thankful he'd met her!
Over the winter, after difficult child 2's visits home, we started missing alcohol from the cabinet. Entire bottles were empty, or white spirits like rum and vodka were watered. When confronted with anything like this difficult child 2 has always flatly denied responsibility. He has to be caught red-handed, and even then he denies other similar incidents and insists this is the only time. On his last visit home he went through an entire bottle of scotch malt that was well hidden. It remained hidden; just without the scotch. He apparently told our third son at that time that he was in withdrawal from all the pot he'd been smoking; but he vehemently denies this now.
We just found out he's received his second UA charge, has lost his licence for a full year, and has another fine, community service, etc. Plus a fine for use of the impaired student holding facility at the college. He's home on spring break and just broke up with his girlfriend. We've hidden or thrown out all alcohol in the house. But to try to talk with him about his alcohol use is a nonstarter. He started by saying, 'Well, it doesn't seem to matter what I say, because I say it and say it, but alcohol is not a problem for me.' When I told him that it's not what he says that concerns us, but what he does, he became furious and left the room. (That's better than getting violent, which is what he used to do.)
He is failing three of six courses at mid-term. Last semester he passed everything. If he fails the year husband says he'll have to go to work full-time - he won't send him back to try again. But husband is willing for difficult child 2 to live with us while he works! I don't want him on the street, but I can see lots of problems even getting him to get a job. He desperately needs money now, having emptied both his bank accounts and owing the second UA fine to the court; in spite of me offering to pay him an hourly rate for major chores around our property this week, he hasn't done anything yet.
I have to deal with him on my own a lot because husband works very long hours, and 'talks' between difficult child 2 and me never go well. I don't want to address issues without husband (difficult child 2 splits us expertly) but difficult child 2 brings things up when I'm alone and then gets angry. I really don't look forward to the prospect of him living at home having failed college! But I don't think he's going to pull it together, given his complete denial right now.
I really dread what's going to happen, including having him steal money from us (we've all missed money at different times when difficult child 2 has been broke - but have never caught him in the act. We just know who it is). Plus he'll have to be driven to work and home, if and when he does get a job. I'm so disappointed ... shouldn't be, given his history, but I had so much hope. Bleh.
Sorry for the long rant,
Katya
It hasn't happened. Since the summer before senior year he's gotten drunk several times, including while visiting relatives and in other really inappropriate situations. Last spring he used pot at someone's birthday party (we got a phone call). In Oct. '07 he was charged with underage drinking - found wandering outside the dorm hall in bedroom slippers, completely smashed. He did the counseling sessions, had his licence suspended, and we paid the fine on condition that he straighten out and also provide his expertise in building an outbuilding on our property this summer. He was in a steady relationship with a girl who is/was really good for him ... a hard worker, independent, honest, and not a drinker. I was so thankful he'd met her!
Over the winter, after difficult child 2's visits home, we started missing alcohol from the cabinet. Entire bottles were empty, or white spirits like rum and vodka were watered. When confronted with anything like this difficult child 2 has always flatly denied responsibility. He has to be caught red-handed, and even then he denies other similar incidents and insists this is the only time. On his last visit home he went through an entire bottle of scotch malt that was well hidden. It remained hidden; just without the scotch. He apparently told our third son at that time that he was in withdrawal from all the pot he'd been smoking; but he vehemently denies this now.
We just found out he's received his second UA charge, has lost his licence for a full year, and has another fine, community service, etc. Plus a fine for use of the impaired student holding facility at the college. He's home on spring break and just broke up with his girlfriend. We've hidden or thrown out all alcohol in the house. But to try to talk with him about his alcohol use is a nonstarter. He started by saying, 'Well, it doesn't seem to matter what I say, because I say it and say it, but alcohol is not a problem for me.' When I told him that it's not what he says that concerns us, but what he does, he became furious and left the room. (That's better than getting violent, which is what he used to do.)
He is failing three of six courses at mid-term. Last semester he passed everything. If he fails the year husband says he'll have to go to work full-time - he won't send him back to try again. But husband is willing for difficult child 2 to live with us while he works! I don't want him on the street, but I can see lots of problems even getting him to get a job. He desperately needs money now, having emptied both his bank accounts and owing the second UA fine to the court; in spite of me offering to pay him an hourly rate for major chores around our property this week, he hasn't done anything yet.
I have to deal with him on my own a lot because husband works very long hours, and 'talks' between difficult child 2 and me never go well. I don't want to address issues without husband (difficult child 2 splits us expertly) but difficult child 2 brings things up when I'm alone and then gets angry. I really don't look forward to the prospect of him living at home having failed college! But I don't think he's going to pull it together, given his complete denial right now.
I really dread what's going to happen, including having him steal money from us (we've all missed money at different times when difficult child 2 has been broke - but have never caught him in the act. We just know who it is). Plus he'll have to be driven to work and home, if and when he does get a job. I'm so disappointed ... shouldn't be, given his history, but I had so much hope. Bleh.
Sorry for the long rant,
Katya