hearts and roses
Mind Reader
Last evening easy child went to a co-worker's house for dinner and there was another co-worker there as well. easy child didn't know that the 2nd co-worker knew difficult child and as easy child was relating how worried she was that difficult child is dating a 28 year old the 2nd co-worker commented:
"Well, I know difficult child a lot better than I know you and I can tell you - she's not 'dating' the 28 year old...let's just say she has a lot of 'Bed-buddies' around town".
easy child didn't want to elaborate on this conversation too much and I could clearly see that, for her, it set off a sort of PTSD in her. Like she used to do, she just buried it and went silent. All throughout Middle, Junior and High School, easy child had to, at first, defend difficult child and then endure all sorts of comments made about difficult child, as well as deal with the aftermath of some stupid things difficult child did, and then finally later, separate herself from difficult child. I think when I moved difficult child to the school outside our district, easy child was eternally grateful that she would no longer have to be thinking of how to comment whenever difficult child did something stupid at school. Eventually, people stopped asking easy child why difficult child wasn't going to their school and easy child was glad for that bit of relief.
Anyway, this co-worker's comments, for me, have confirmed what I've long suspected - difficult child sleeps around. It also confirmed for me that easy child definitely has some level of PSTD related to being raised with her difficult child sister. I reminded easy child that difficult child makes her own choices and it's not a reflection on easy child or any of us...as a 19 y/o adult (the word 'adult' is used loosely here), difficult child has to live with the consequences of her actions (apparently that means being known as a Bed-buddy around town - yeesh!).
I wish I had a giant eraser and could erase all the pain and embarrassment and undue responsibility that easy child has had to shoulder all these years in relation to her sister. It's not fair.
On a side note, difficult child used her grown up voice last night and told me that despite anyone's concerns, she will date the 28 y/o and see where it goes. She's very happy with him and he's nice...so, could I just pretend to be happy for her? Hahahaha, after I stopped laughing, I just told her that my only comment is that neither H nor I condone the relationship, but as long as she continues to follow the house rules, take care of her health, and understand that she cannot entertain him in her bedroom, we won't say a peep about it, she's an adult and as such will have to endure whatever the consequences are of having a relationship with a man who is 9 years older than her and has an 8 year old son. She nodded her head and that was that. It feels so good to let go...but I will admit that I've had a little trouble sleeping the past two nights because, let's face it, just because we can detach on the outside, we still worry on the inside. But I am really trying and I feel good about it. I just keep reminding myself that I have no control over this.
We are going away this weekend and difficult child will be home alone. I have three people lined up to check on her and the house while we're gone. Keeping my fingers crossed that it goes smoothly.
"Well, I know difficult child a lot better than I know you and I can tell you - she's not 'dating' the 28 year old...let's just say she has a lot of 'Bed-buddies' around town".
easy child didn't want to elaborate on this conversation too much and I could clearly see that, for her, it set off a sort of PTSD in her. Like she used to do, she just buried it and went silent. All throughout Middle, Junior and High School, easy child had to, at first, defend difficult child and then endure all sorts of comments made about difficult child, as well as deal with the aftermath of some stupid things difficult child did, and then finally later, separate herself from difficult child. I think when I moved difficult child to the school outside our district, easy child was eternally grateful that she would no longer have to be thinking of how to comment whenever difficult child did something stupid at school. Eventually, people stopped asking easy child why difficult child wasn't going to their school and easy child was glad for that bit of relief.
Anyway, this co-worker's comments, for me, have confirmed what I've long suspected - difficult child sleeps around. It also confirmed for me that easy child definitely has some level of PSTD related to being raised with her difficult child sister. I reminded easy child that difficult child makes her own choices and it's not a reflection on easy child or any of us...as a 19 y/o adult (the word 'adult' is used loosely here), difficult child has to live with the consequences of her actions (apparently that means being known as a Bed-buddy around town - yeesh!).
I wish I had a giant eraser and could erase all the pain and embarrassment and undue responsibility that easy child has had to shoulder all these years in relation to her sister. It's not fair.
On a side note, difficult child used her grown up voice last night and told me that despite anyone's concerns, she will date the 28 y/o and see where it goes. She's very happy with him and he's nice...so, could I just pretend to be happy for her? Hahahaha, after I stopped laughing, I just told her that my only comment is that neither H nor I condone the relationship, but as long as she continues to follow the house rules, take care of her health, and understand that she cannot entertain him in her bedroom, we won't say a peep about it, she's an adult and as such will have to endure whatever the consequences are of having a relationship with a man who is 9 years older than her and has an 8 year old son. She nodded her head and that was that. It feels so good to let go...but I will admit that I've had a little trouble sleeping the past two nights because, let's face it, just because we can detach on the outside, we still worry on the inside. But I am really trying and I feel good about it. I just keep reminding myself that I have no control over this.
We are going away this weekend and difficult child will be home alone. I have three people lined up to check on her and the house while we're gone. Keeping my fingers crossed that it goes smoothly.
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