easy child's "little problem"

[carolanne]

Monday mornings are usually hectic around here...I've just come to expect that everyone runs around all snarly and trying to get their stuff together. Becky today though was the queen of **** let me tell you.

Ten mins before the bus is due, she realizes she can't find her bus tickets. Her dad told her to look, not just stand there...and she told him to bug off. I love the way kids look for stuff....standing perfectly still in the hopes that whatever is missing will suddenly appear hanging from their hand. So dad yips at her "get moving"....

20 mins of turning the house upside down she decides her 3yr old bro has taken them and is screaming at the top of her lungs"what the * did you do with them? You threw them out!!! You little ****head!!"....I told her to be quiet and leave him alone.

She starts throwing the garbage around....yelling the whole time..."he flushed them, he ripped them up, you threw them out"...yada yada yada.

Dad tells her to get her stuff on she's walking this week as it was her responsibility and IF bro did get them it's her fault because she'd been told to put them away.(I usually have them but she kept insisting she could keep track of them...I warned her she'd walk if they got lost)....she yanks on her coat and boots still spouting off and stomps to the door....

She stands on the front step and yells "**** YOU B****!!!!!!!"....I took her cell phone and said she could have it back when she shows some respect and apologizes....at which point she flips me the finger and storms off.

SHE thinks she can't do any wrong....never accepts responsibility for anythng....and I do mean anything....including getting stoned...apparently they held her down and forced her to inhale by holding her nose shut...lmao....

The strange thing is I am surprisingly calm....weird...

Carolanne

 

[meowbunny]

This is a easy child? Think you may need to change her status. It's one thing to mouth off but if she's experimenting with drugs at 14, screaming and cursing at a 3 YO, screaming from the street, I'd say it's well past time to get her evaluated. A teen might curse parents in the house but not in public -- they don't like public attention and censure of that type. While they won't accept responsibility for their actions if they can help it, they don't usually curse at little ones (yell at them, yes, scream uncontrollably, no).

by the way -- Love the natural consequence of no ticket, you walk. Who knows, when she calms down, she might just ask you to keep track of the tickets for her again or assistance on a good place to keep them so they don't get lost again.

Sorry you had such an awful morning.

 

[BusynMember]

Agree with Meow. This child is NOT a easy child. My daughter started drug experiences at 12. Your daughter needs to stop NOW...I'd get her involved in serious therapy and take her to a Psychiatrist (with the MD). She is not acting like a typical teen. I've had two typical teens and they don't swear at you or take drugs...they may argue but it doesn't escalate to that. In fast most typical teen are actually fun to be around (most of the time!) You're probably calm because you've seen it all before, sadly, but I'd take it seriously so that she doesn't turn out like your older child. You may not be able to stop it, but you can try...good luck!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Agree with MB and MWM.

I'd have a hard time not doing physical damage to a child who was screaming like that to a 3YO. The nerve. My older one has flipped me the bird now and then, but to take stuff out on a toddler...yeah, please get this girl seen.

 

[carolanne]

She has been evaluated....and is seeing a therapist but he has said that he can't help a kid who sits in the chair across from him for 45 mins and won't even speak. Apparently she doesn't even let on he is in the room!!! He has said that she is ODD but won't go further than that right now....he is speaking with the school and getting quite an earful but is waiting....not sure for what but I like this man and will see what he can do, if anything...

Becky could care less if she causes a spectacle of herself in public. She lives for drama, the more outrageous and foul she can be, the better in her mind. I don't go out in public with her very often as it's usually embarrassing....she will point out other people and make rude comments on them, she talks like the most foul-mouthed rapper going and finds it all just such a joke.

She has no conscience regarding anything....is cruel to her brother and sister for the sake of being cruel and getting them crying. Consequences mean nothing to her, just a mild inconvienence that she has to put up with....and she has been grounded from the cell, computer and tv plus the phone and sometimes all at once but nothing works....she goes right back to the same darn behaviour within days of the punishments being done...

I am close to my wits end with this one.....

Carolanne

 

[BusynMember]

I'm suspecting you have serious drug use going on...a lot more than ODD. She's acting like my kid did when she started using drugs and usually, although they tend to say "it's just pot" it's more than pot when you see this kind of behavior. IF she's not using drugs, she is seriously mentally ill. I would take her to see a Psychiatrist (with the MD). Have you ever had her drug tested? in my opinion that's most likely the problem here, and it won't get better unless there is sever intervention

 

[meowbunny]

For now, I'd start with drug testing as part of her life right now and, yes, you'll have to watch her to make sure she isn't cheating after the first one. I've known of more than kid to keep a hidden supply around for random tests once they know parents are going to test.

As to refusing to cooperate in therapy, what would happen if you quit cooperating with her needs and wants at home until she starts cooperating? That is, she washes her own clothes, fixes her own food, etc. She's certainly old enough to do all of this. So, go on a Mom strike. She doesn't have to eat with the family. She doesn't deserve to interact with them if she can't treat them civilly. You certainly don't want to do those things, they're called chores for a reason.

She doesn't want to see a therapist or share anything with him. Fine, you quit doing the stuff she thinks she needs done for her (and that would include buying a bus pass at all -- it's obvious she can walk to school if she's doing it this week, anyway).

As for her behavior in public, I'd not allow her out until she started treating others better. Seems logical to me -- if you can't be nice around others, there's no reason to be around others unless absolutely necessary. So, school, doctor, dentist, therapist are necessities. The mall, after-school activities, friends aren't. I'd still allow friends to come over so long as everyone in the house was treated civilly. When that stopped, the friend would be told leave immediately.

Obviously, if she's truly mentally ill, none of this will work. She'll continue with her behavior because she can't control it. However, if it is drug use or other behavorial issues, it will. It will take time, a lot of grief and even more patience on your part to see it through, but it will ultimately make a difference.