My week since becoming an empty nester:
1. Friday, father of Youngests baby demands that she bring their son to him for visitation (his very FIRST visitation weekend, since an order was finally put in place), because he has no money for gas. He says if she doesnt , shes denying him visitation with his child. Note this is his very first visitation weekend. She stands strong and he miraculously finds a way to pick Aidan up from daycare.
2. Received a call Saturday night from Youngests downstairs neighbor, telling me she and her friend had locked themselves out on the balcony. I was an hour and a half away at a wedding, couldnt do a thing. The neighbor was very nice, called maintenance to rescue them.
3. Sunday, father of Youngests baby decides that he will bring Aidan back at 3, instead of the originally scheduled 7, causing Youngest to cancel all her plans (no, I will not babysit). He says if she is not home at 3 he will sit with Aidan in a hot car until she gets home. She tries to compromise and be home at 4, then his mother calls her screaming that shes neglecting her son.
4. Received a call Sunday from Oldest, crying and despondent and insinuating she might end it all because she was so depressed, couldnt find a job, felt unloved, yada yada yada. I (have the nerve to) suggest this is a pattern with her, every couple of years she spirals downward and wants to admit herself, gets help then drops medications and therapy after just a few weeks. I remind her she has a diagnosed mental illness, and until she accepts that and gets permanent help, this cycle will continue. She gets angry. I never say anything nice about her, I only tell her how she screws up all the time. yada yada yada. She hangs up with a dramatic, Im done with this family, goodbye. (how many times have I heard that?!) An hour later she calls, in an angry mood this time, demanding that I clean off the extra computer so she can have to draft her resume. I tell her Ill try to get to it (I did promise her this awhile back), but remind her she can go to the library and do that, too.
5. Every night this week, the father has called Youngest threatening to come over and bring his stuff to move in with her. He hasnt shown up, but she is pretty scared. I think shes almost ready to file for a protective order.
6. Oldest called again saying all her belongings are gone, the belongings she left at a friends house a good six weeks ago and never went back to get (note that she says nothing about our conversation Sunday, this is very typical.. it's like it never happened). She has stuff with her in her new place, but not everything. She calls again the next morning saying their house has been burglarized. Luckily, nothing of value of hers is gone, except her wallet.. which contained her social security card. Note that they leave their door unlocked often .. so I dont have my sympathy. Also note that I need to remember not to buy things for Oldest as gifts, since she doesnt take care of her things and many of the gifts I chose for her over the years are gone with the wind.
7. Oldest called again (3rd or 4th mood this week) to say she might have found a job. Note shes said this to me several times in the past few weeks, once even asked me for money until her first waitressing shift (note that she never got this sure thing job, after all). I didnt give her money. She's downright giddy this time. Ahhhh mood swings.
8. Babys father called Youngest last night to say that if she wants her child support (his very FIRST payment, since an order was put in place), she has to come get it, because he isnt wasting the gas to bring it to her. He continues to harass her all night about getting back together, leaving creepy messages like we WILL be together again.. we WILL be a family Im taking back CONTROL of you
Yes, she says she is finally going to court on Monday, and file to (re)settle all issues. I think the protective order is the most important, and pray she follows through with that. Note she chose to receive payments directly from him, because Child Support Enforcement is so backed up it may take several months before they get around to taking it out of his paycheck and getting it to her.
So goes my first week as an empty nester.. and its not even been a full week yet. The good news is, I hear this drama over the phone, and not live in my own apartment. The bad news is, there is still drama. And I get sucked into it, just by listening.
None of these things are my problem. I understand wanting to vent to your mom.. and in Youngests case she actually has been taking my advice lately (I had so many similar issues with her dad, although he was nowhere near as crazy as the babys father), but this is wearing me out. Truly, I wonder if they are (subconsciously? purposely?) escalating the drama.. at least the reports to me... BECAUSE I am finally on my own. Blech.
Im looking forward to the weekend and some social activities for ME. I may just turn off the dang cellphone, too. And, in two weeks, I head to the Outer Banks of NC for a week with my friends. NO kids. YAAAY.
Thanks for reading my vent.
1. Friday, father of Youngests baby demands that she bring their son to him for visitation (his very FIRST visitation weekend, since an order was finally put in place), because he has no money for gas. He says if she doesnt , shes denying him visitation with his child. Note this is his very first visitation weekend. She stands strong and he miraculously finds a way to pick Aidan up from daycare.
2. Received a call Saturday night from Youngests downstairs neighbor, telling me she and her friend had locked themselves out on the balcony. I was an hour and a half away at a wedding, couldnt do a thing. The neighbor was very nice, called maintenance to rescue them.
3. Sunday, father of Youngests baby decides that he will bring Aidan back at 3, instead of the originally scheduled 7, causing Youngest to cancel all her plans (no, I will not babysit). He says if she is not home at 3 he will sit with Aidan in a hot car until she gets home. She tries to compromise and be home at 4, then his mother calls her screaming that shes neglecting her son.
4. Received a call Sunday from Oldest, crying and despondent and insinuating she might end it all because she was so depressed, couldnt find a job, felt unloved, yada yada yada. I (have the nerve to) suggest this is a pattern with her, every couple of years she spirals downward and wants to admit herself, gets help then drops medications and therapy after just a few weeks. I remind her she has a diagnosed mental illness, and until she accepts that and gets permanent help, this cycle will continue. She gets angry. I never say anything nice about her, I only tell her how she screws up all the time. yada yada yada. She hangs up with a dramatic, Im done with this family, goodbye. (how many times have I heard that?!) An hour later she calls, in an angry mood this time, demanding that I clean off the extra computer so she can have to draft her resume. I tell her Ill try to get to it (I did promise her this awhile back), but remind her she can go to the library and do that, too.
5. Every night this week, the father has called Youngest threatening to come over and bring his stuff to move in with her. He hasnt shown up, but she is pretty scared. I think shes almost ready to file for a protective order.
6. Oldest called again saying all her belongings are gone, the belongings she left at a friends house a good six weeks ago and never went back to get (note that she says nothing about our conversation Sunday, this is very typical.. it's like it never happened). She has stuff with her in her new place, but not everything. She calls again the next morning saying their house has been burglarized. Luckily, nothing of value of hers is gone, except her wallet.. which contained her social security card. Note that they leave their door unlocked often .. so I dont have my sympathy. Also note that I need to remember not to buy things for Oldest as gifts, since she doesnt take care of her things and many of the gifts I chose for her over the years are gone with the wind.
7. Oldest called again (3rd or 4th mood this week) to say she might have found a job. Note shes said this to me several times in the past few weeks, once even asked me for money until her first waitressing shift (note that she never got this sure thing job, after all). I didnt give her money. She's downright giddy this time. Ahhhh mood swings.
8. Babys father called Youngest last night to say that if she wants her child support (his very FIRST payment, since an order was put in place), she has to come get it, because he isnt wasting the gas to bring it to her. He continues to harass her all night about getting back together, leaving creepy messages like we WILL be together again.. we WILL be a family Im taking back CONTROL of you
Yes, she says she is finally going to court on Monday, and file to (re)settle all issues. I think the protective order is the most important, and pray she follows through with that. Note she chose to receive payments directly from him, because Child Support Enforcement is so backed up it may take several months before they get around to taking it out of his paycheck and getting it to her.
So goes my first week as an empty nester.. and its not even been a full week yet. The good news is, I hear this drama over the phone, and not live in my own apartment. The bad news is, there is still drama. And I get sucked into it, just by listening.
None of these things are my problem. I understand wanting to vent to your mom.. and in Youngests case she actually has been taking my advice lately (I had so many similar issues with her dad, although he was nowhere near as crazy as the babys father), but this is wearing me out. Truly, I wonder if they are (subconsciously? purposely?) escalating the drama.. at least the reports to me... BECAUSE I am finally on my own. Blech.
Im looking forward to the weekend and some social activities for ME. I may just turn off the dang cellphone, too. And, in two weeks, I head to the Outer Banks of NC for a week with my friends. NO kids. YAAAY.
Thanks for reading my vent.
