end of my rope

[Lucedaleblessed]

I find that it an awful situation you are in.

We challenged our girl and said to her that if she didn't change her behavior she would find herself in a wilderness program very fast and they are tough. She said that she didn't care and she was so tough etc. Then we took her to a weekend camp. It did set us back some 500 dollars. It was tough. It was cold and they marched around in a summer camp environment, got wet and cold. She still makes some noise in our family but we are talking about 5-10 percent of the previous behavior.

The problem with the juvie and most Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in my opinion is that they get use to live like that. They adjust to the enviroment and while there is progress inside the program, they adjust back once they are out. I believe that we as parents must draw a line and then show them there is other options which we are prepared to choose because we love them. And it has to be more than words. They are used to our warnings, our lecturing. They stop believing in us if we don't do what we threaten them with.

We gave our daughter a kind of shock probation and then it is up to her to show us that she wants to live at home. I hope that she got the message because I cannot see how our family should be able to find $15K. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which was located in our town continues to send me letters about their new boarding school in Costa Rica which should cost $500 per month, but I remember a scandal in Costa Rica 7 years back where they had to fly teenagers out, so it will never happen. I find that the system has failed parents like us who want parent instead of closing our eyes.

Download some material about wilderness camps and boarding schools. Put it where he will find it by accident. It should make his mind work a little.

 

[crissdolphins]

I understand being at the end of my rope . Im trying right now to get my 14 year son in residential care right now . He was put on informal probation and it didnt scare him at all. Im scared for him because he leaves the house with out permission to go hang out with kids who he thinks are his friends and they are not . I have him seeing a therapist and a psychologist and tbs coach .he has been diagnosed with conduct disorder he already had adhd ,mood disorder. For the past year life has been hell . He is smoking pot he doesn't care or fear me or the police . I don't know what else to do or feel right now . I just want him to get help before its too late . My main goal is to get him in residential . I dont like saying this but i want him out of my house .

 

[GB_42_XYZ]

Does anyone have any experience with this type of kid being sent to a residential treatment facility? He has said that he would rather go to juvenile hall than a Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). He even claimed he would harm someone to get kicked out. Are there any that would take him? Are there facilites that could handle an out of control juvenile?

We are giving him a shot at a boarding school, but if he messes it up I want to send him somewhere he can't get kicked out.

 

[busywend]

in my humble opinion, your wife is NOT being a parent. She is being a best friend. And not a good one at that. Even a best friend would tell you when they are feeling abused by you.

She can not hide what he is doing and expect anything to change. It is almost child abuse to me. What she is doing. It is preventing any possible future he could have if he got help. Medical neglect.

Parental abuse - that is what she is suffering from. She is abused by her own child. Read up on it - she has the same reactions as an abused person.

Have you looked into a PINS - Parent in need of support - with the court system?

 

[GB_42_XYZ]

My wife seems to be on board with me now. We shall see when and if things fall apart at his new school. I intend on telling him he can either move out or I will send him to a residential treament facility. Period. Now, about the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), does anyone have any thoughts on that?

 

[HaoZi]

From what I've read around here, every Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) is different. You'll need to research them and likely you'll want to visit it ahead of time, too. Some are more lenient than others, some are more effective. I don't know, if I had to find one for my kid I would start with asking the local police what ones they know about and how they are, but I say that because I know a few of them from my job. Your insurance carrier might have some names of places you could look into that they cover.

 

[novangel]

I'm curious if you have dug down into his drug use. I know you stated he is smoking pot, based on his behavior I would say there is a possibility that he is using something other than pot. The fact that he stole the Xbox is a screaming red flag for me

This was my first thought too!

 

[exhausted]

My daughter just got out of an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) in Utah. She was there for 16 months with minimal progress. We thought she made wonderful progress, but upon being integrated back into the community(they do an excellent job with this), she went "hog wild"! She played the game just long enough to get out. There were many kids who did really well and changed. I think age is an issue- she was barely 14. It seemed the kids who did the best were those who had some self-esteem issues and a drug problem. The ones with more diagnosis and poor behaviors struggled.I don't regret my decision because we learned so much and she did learn a lot about herself. We also got a few months to heal as a family before we started bringing her and 2 other newcomers home every night(part of their program). Good luck, I know this a tough road.

 

[GB_42_XYZ]

He will be 17 in less than a month. In juvie now for a couple of weeks at least. Went nuts yesterday and tried to destroy my house because he didn't get his way.

Is there anyway I can just make him leave? I can't see wasting 80-100K and getting nothing for it but poorer. I just want him gone. Is there any way I can do this?

 

[Nancy]

Not until he's a legal adult.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

I don't think you can make him must leave and be on his own until he is 18.... however the juvenile justice system and youth services may be able to place in another setting, especially if they determine there are other kids in the home at risk.... BUT this will only happen if they are involved. So I would start with talking to whoever is involved in the juvenile just system.....

 

[toughlovin]

Oh and one more thing about Residential Treatment Center (RTC);s or TBS.... I do not regret the money we spent to send our son to the TBS, because it gave him some important time. Time when he was not using drugs while his brain was developing. More time to see what life could be like sober. He came back and did fairly well for a year. All of that time I think helped. Plus he did learn some important life tools which he refused to use while he was on the downward spiral but I suspect is using now that he is in rehab and hopefully on his road to recovery. I think the most important thing it did was help my daughter not have him home for 18 months, and during that time we got a lot closer and it definitely helped her. So I don't see it as money wasted.... although it did not have the long term result I hoped for.... although it does for some kids.