***Family update***

[Suz]

Okay family, let's touch base and see how everyone is doing.

I survived my horrific March/April. I go to great cities on business and am then too busy to enjoy them. It really stinks. And the prep work for these meetings about kills me...not to mention the aftermath when I get back to the office.

But today is a new month, so Happy May!

Rob was laid off for a few weeks but is now back to work.

What's going on in your lives? In addition to our family who posts pretty consistently, I'd also love to hear from our folks who only check in periodically.....

Pam?

Did-I?

Trish?

Tiapet?

Blondie?

Lia?

Chava?

Are any of you out there anymore?

I think of all of you with much affection and would love to hear from you.

Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

I wonder about all the oldies too. Tia lives up close to Fran now. I wonder what is going on with Jeri too. She was very sick the last time she was here wasnt she? Or was it her husband? My memory is shot.

Blondie...girl...check in!!!

And it is really funny that you posted this right now because I was just thinking of all these people yesterday...lol. I was thinking about Did-i and her candy. And Peanut.

 

[Star*]

Tia hasn't been too good. Her daughter has really really been putting her through it the last few months and she could probably use a few extra good thoughts for her own health.

Just FYI - I don't think she gets much time for herself - but she's one of the most fantastically organized women and lovely hearted people I've ever met.

Also would like to hear from Mrs. McNear, Sweet betsy and grandchild.

Genny - I know you're out there somewhere. lol. Hows it going?

 

[Jena]

i dont know any of those ppl, lol. I just wanted to jump in and say i'm glad that you have calm now and that your in Happy May Mode!!

 

[tawnya]

I have a pretty good update, considering.

difficult child is living on her own, well with her boyfriend. She still has many entitlement issues, but thank God she is living on her own and doing soooo much better than we ever believed she would. We are even friends now. Wow. I think I even get along better with her now than her father (D?h) It is still a struggle, but so, so much easier than when I gave it up 5 or 6 years ago. You do finally have to let it go. Then, it will finally come back to you, in my experience anyway.

PS: I had a whole big long rant ready to go, but it went into cyberworld. Maybe that was best, too?

 

[Hound dog]

Tawnya, glad to hear you and your difficult child are getting along better. I'm sure it's a huge relief she's able to do well on her own. Good for her. And good for you too.

I was just thinking of Mrs. McNear myself.........And haven't seen an update from Jeri in ages.........Blondie? OMG I'd love to know how she's doing. So many more too....

 

[Suz]

You do finally have to let it go. Then, it will finally come back to you, in my experience anyway.

Yes, that butterfly adage is certainly true, Tawnya. It worked for Rob and seems to have worked for your difficult child, too. Detachment is a wonderful thing. I'm so glad for you!

Suz

 

[Suz]

I sent out a few emails. Fingers crossed!

Suz

 

[ML]

Suz it would be nice if you could take an extra day on your trips to sight see. I too am glad to finally see May and looking forward to springtime in rockies.

Wishing my extended cd family all the best,

ML

 

[Did-I]

Hello! What a surprise it was to get an email / link to this thread from Suz this morning! I've been one of those "I really need to check in to the CD Board and see what's been going on" and of course I never get around to it (I've become quite the procrastinator in my old age )

I think the last time I posted was when I had learned that Kris had passed away then I believe an update that my youngest grandchild was on the way - he's almost 15 months old now - time certainly does get away from us, doesn't it? I have four grandchildren now - difficult child's daughter is 3 1/2 and difficult child 2 has three (and still a single mom, still not getting it ) #1 is 10, #2, a little girl is almost 27 months and #3, a little boy, as I said is almost 15 months. They're all so very precious to me, always have been, always will be.

Aside from the grandchildren, and of course husband always keeping me going and supporting me as he always has, it's been a very rough year for us. I don't even remember if I had mentioned it the last time I was here, but difficult child, now 26, was arrested last August and is being charged with some heavy duty felonies. He remains in County jail since his arrest and is facing both State and Federal charges. Sparing you (and me) the sordid details, let's just say that once he's convicted (and he will be) I'll probably be gone from this life by the time he gets out. Sigh.....

In November I became yet another statistic of the Nation's ever-growing unemployed when I was let go due to "reduction in work force". I was expecting the possibility of a layoff, so needless to say I was absolutely devastated when I found out it was permanent. I made really good money where I was at given the area I live in, so it is quiet a blow for husband and I financially, but we're making things meet the best we can. It threw me into quiet a tailspin, as this is the first time since I'm 14 years old that I've been without a job that wasn't of my own accord. As they say, when one door closes, another one opens. Only problem with that is no one will tell me where the key is hidden!!!

So there's my update.

Thank you, Suz, for thinking of me. I see you're still holding on to the possibility of those nuptuals with Richard!! LOL

 

[Hound dog]

(((hugs))) Dee!! Miss You!!!

Aren't grandkids the bestest!!! I adore mine.

Sorry to hear about 26 yr old difficult child. I know that has to hit hard. A shame, to say the least. Also sorry about the job loss. You've got good company, tons of people out of work right now. Hoovers, major. Wish I knew where the key was......I'd toss it to ya.

Don't be such a stranger.

((hugs))

 

[DammitJanet]

Hey Dee! It is just so good to hear from you!!! I have missed you loads and loads.

I am so sorry to hear about difficult child...sigh. We do our best and then it is up to them. I am constantly on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop with Cory. He is doing much better now but it always seems like he cant go for but so long before the bottom falls out. I hope I am wrong.

I am glad your grands are doing well. Grandkids are so much better than kids ever were...lol. I wish I could have skipped parenting and gone straight to being Grandma. It is so much more fun!

I have 2 little granddaughters now and one grandbaby on the way.

Keep in touch.

 

[witzend]

It is good to hear from you, Dee. It's hard to believe that it has been such a long time. I am sorry to hear about your son. I know that you must be disappointed and sad for him. I hope that you will find work soon. I have been doing bookkeeping work as my own boss for a while now. Maybe you could find something where you would be working for yourself? I know you have skills that others would value.

 

[Nomad]

Our easy child son graduated with- honors from college and moved out of the city. Sniff. We are so proud. Knock on wood...crossing myself...we are wishing him all good things.

difficult child...hmmm

Been a very weird few months. She was hanging around a guy who is an alcoholic and still might be...but she does seem to be cutting back her time with him. We had a couple of difficult experiences....difficult child met with- consequences. We all detached. She went to an Al Anon mtg and cried her eyes out. However, she refuses to go back. It is unclear why. However, at least we think it left an imprint...just the one mtg...it hit her hard.

She moved in to a nice apt. with another adopted young lady. They are pooling their money. She likes this girl's mom. It's been somewhat complicated, but better than previous situations.

We have cut her off financiall...big change. Previously, she received a small allowance. I wanted to end this whwen she turned 21...husband dragged his feet. Oh well...at least that has been corrected.

She turned 21 several months ago and it was my every intention to do this at that time. I'm glad husband is seeing it differently now.

We've been going to FA mtgs and since then, husband changed his mind.

Today, she asked for work to do to earn a little money. husband okayed it. She worked 1 hour. She did a good job. She was paid. She was grateful and said thank you.

We are discussing the possibility of buying for her absolute necessities...toothpaste, tampons, soap, toilet paper and shampoo. If we do purchase these things, we would limit it to these things only and then give her the actual items (no money). Of course, if she is disrespectful, that would end in a hurry. And husband and I are willing for now to foot the bill for medical costs and prescriptions. It ends there.

So far, she is accepting of the changes and respectful. It's hard to say...all very very new. But there are indications of better effort on her part. Whew!

I personally have been very busy and productive...missing my son...but very happy and grateful for progresses made.

 

[witzend]

Nomad, that is really a nice update. It seems that not only are our kids growing and maturing, we parents seem to be growing as well. I find it very comforting.

 

[Star*]

DId I?

I was so thrilled to hear from you. And so many grandchildren. WOW - you'll never lack for a surround blanket of love!!

It made my heart heavy to read about your difficult child. We just went thought something similar with Dude (not Federal) but looking at 30 years was pretty tense. Dude has matured a great deal in the last year. You'd be proud. I know the upset that your stomach and body goes through with a kid in jail - and I can't say much more than just know there will be days when I'll hold you and your difficult child in my good thougths, and hope for the best.

Nomad - OMG have we been here that long that your child is off to college? (I maintain I'm still so young a lovely) lol..... That said - I'm very proud of you and your son. College GRADUATE huh? Wow! Mom's should get extra jewels for getting a child out of hs and to college.

Many hugs
Star

 

[Did-I]

Hi Girls!!

Thanks for the warm welcome back!!

Yes, the grandkids are absolutely wonderful. If difficult child #2 surprises me with another one I'm gonna choke her!!! T is a handful, to say the least. Bio-idiot was released from prison August last year. He had minimal contact with T in the beginning and has since had none. I know this takes a toll on him. He's never had a relationship with him, but just knowing that there's a father out there that doesn't care about him..... Add to that a baby sister and brother in one year's time when all his life he's had mom all to himself.... husband and I try our best to help keep him on an even keel and he knows he can depend on us and confide when he needs to.

As far as difficult child goes, well what can I say - my heart has gone cold. I've only been to visit him about three times since he was put in - I just can't see him. He writes and he calls. When he calls, husband takes most of them, though I'll talk to him on occasion. Hard as it is, husband does the visiting and talking to keep the stress level off of me as much as he can, and he feels "obligated" because he's our son. difficult child DID commit the crimes he's charged with and he WILL do a lot of jail time. No regrets, I do not feel guilty and do / will not help him in any way. He did this and he will pay for what he did.

((((HUGS everyone!)))) I'll try not to be such a stranger!


Star! I miss your funny wit!!!! I'm so glad Dude has finally found his path and I pray for you that he continues down that one!


Witz, Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm sure I'll find something soon husband and I do have some side businesses going, but with the economy, we're not doing much with them right now.


Daisylover, thanks - let me know if you find that key!


Janet, boy did you hit the nail on the head in skipping kids and going right to grandkids! LOL Congrats on your grandbabies!!! Good thoughts coming your way that Cory's other shoe stays in the air!!


Nomad, kudos for your progress with the family! I still have issues with detaching where difficult child #2 is concerned

 

[ScentofCedar]

Welcome back!

As far as difficult child goes, well what can I say - my heart has gone cold.

I love that phrase. That is just what it feels like, when we finally accept what has happened.

We are actually through the worst of it, I think. difficult child has found someone to take care of. And believe it or not, that is working for him. No drug use (that we are aware of, anyway) for well over a year, now. The lady he is with had so many problems. All at once, we began hearing how she needed this, and how he was managing to make it so she could have this, that or the next thing. He is working (hard), making his (and her, and her child's) way in the world without any help from us or anyone else (no welfare or foodstamps, etc). He is not roaring about how impractical I am when I talk to him about going back for his degree.

Initially, because our hearts had "grown cold" (excellent phrase!), we almost needed to pretend that we knew what to say when we talked to him, or how to respond when we saw him.

But you know?

Over time, everything is falling into place beautifully.

Thanks to all ~ you got us through with our sanity intact.



Barbara

 

[Suz]

It's wonderful to have family check in. Thanks so much, everyone.

Dee, I sent you an email. As for Richard...I'm waiting for him to come to his senses.

Suz

 

[Nomad]

Star...my son graduated from college with honors. He graduated at the very top of his college class. He is now considering graduate school, but wants to work first. He moved to another city...not too far away with his fiance. They have interviews for part time work next week. The pay is excellent. I suggested to them that if they can't get full time work and they get this job, to take some graduate courses too.

Yep...I do feel proud...but he did the work. He worked VERY hard. He also was employed while going to school AND paid for many of his expenses. Ironically, this freed me up to go to school! I have been going to graduate school while he has been in school and will start my internship in August.

He had a one difficult child year in high school and we did TOUGH LOVE all the way with him. It paid off very well. He is mega easy child these days and I thank G-d for this and for it all daily.

Our daughter...we have tightened the strings recently. I wanted to do this when she turned 21...a few months ago. husband hesitated. After a few family anonymous meetings, he changed his mind. I always felt difficult child needed a little more time due to her disabilities. However, I did NOT mean for this to be an open door. in my humble opinion, this leads to entitlement...which does NO ONE ANY GOOD. husband closed the door not too long ago. NOW, we don't support her financially...only medical needs and supplies. We will give her very brief and very imited opportunities for employment. An hour here and there. Both of these things will depend on her behavior. If she is rude, the door closes. It's been only a short time, but so far it is looking positive.