Favorite joke

MamaRosie

New Member
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
How nice of Oreo cookies to put jokes on the side of their packaging during these difficult times.
For example: Serving size three cookies

(Good one!)

😉 lol
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
Mother may I go swimming?
Yes, my darling daughter, but hang your clothes on the hickory stump and don't go near the water.
Teeheee
 

newstart

Well-Known Member
Why did the man cut a hole into the rug? He wanted to see the floor show.
Why did the man cover up the hole in the rug? He did not want to see the whole\ hole show. *one of my favorites*
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
While waiting for her dental appointment with her new dentist, Jane notices his certificate on the wall with his full name.

Suddenly Jane remembers a tall, handsome boy she went to high school with 45 years ago that had the exact same (rather unusual) name. She wonders if this could possibly be the same person.

She quickly dismissed that thought when she saw the dentist, though. That aging, bald, unattractive man with the deeply lined face just couldn’t be the same person!

During the exam, curiosity gets the best of her, and she asks him if he attended the high school in question.

“Yes, I did”, he tells her.

“ What year did you graduate?” she asked.

“1975.” He replied.

“That’s amazing!” She exclaimed. “You were in my class!”

He looks at her closely, then asks, “what subject did you teach?”
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
When John found out he was about to inherit a fortune when his sickly father passed, he decided it was time to find a wife and settle down.

He went to the bar that night and met a stunningly beautiful woman.

“I may look like an ordinary working man, but in a couple of weeks my father will pass and I will inherit 20 million dollars,” he tells her.

Impressed, she went home with him that night.

Three days later, she became his stepmother....
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom. She asked them what they were arguing about.

“We found $10 and we decided that the one who tells the biggest lie gets it,” one of the boys replied.

“I’m ashamed of you boys!” their teacher responded. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was!”

The boys looked at each other and handed the $10 to the teacher.
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a minor surgery. Don’t panic.

Patient: But, doctor, my name isn’t David!

Doctor: I know, I’m David.
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
John asked his wife what she wants for their anniversary.

“Would you like a mink coat?” he asks. “Not really” she replied.

“How about a Mercedes?” he says. “No,” responds.

“Would some new jewelry make you happy?” he ventures. “Nah,” she shrugs.

“How about a vacation home?” he asks, exasperated. She again replies no.

“What is it that you want?” He finally asks.

“I want a divorce,” she finally says.

“Sorry, I’m not planning on spending that much, dear”......
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
A man sat next to Tom on the train. He pulled out his wallet and showed him a picture of his wife. “She sure is beautiful, isn’t she?” the man says.

“If you think she is beautiful, you should see my wife,” Tom says.

“Why, is she stunning?” asks the man.

”No, she is an optician,” Tom told him.
 
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