I
ILMS
Guest
I am new here and only have a few minutes to type before I have to start work. I have 3 children, a 25-year old daughter who is in an abusive relationship, she left and came to stay near me in an abusive women's shelter, but now she has gone back to him, and they are in Florida (I live in Oklahoma), and she does have a past history of substance abuse. She has a baby, and she seems to be more responsible just from the time I spent with her. I have a daughter who is 22 with Down Syndrome.
Then there is Alex, my 19-year-old, who is my main reason for getting on this forum. Alex has been a challenge from the time he was small. He was a difficult baby, cried a lot, difficult toddler, very strong-willed. In kindergarten he got in trouble constantly for talking, and in 1st and 2nd grade he got in trouble a lot of not staying in his chair, talking, etc., and he barely passed.
At about 8 years old he was diagnosed with ADHD, and we put him on Ritalin, then changed it to Adderall later. He had to repeat 3rd grade, then he barely passed each grade after that. H
e started getting in trouble around age 13, smoking pot, sneaking out, etc. We grounded him, did not let him have a cell phone, etc., but nothing seemed to work. At age 16 we moved to Ohio, and I was actually hoping he would get in with a better crowd, but he got right in with the bad crowd again. He was doing 9th grade work at school but barely even able to pass.
Then at 17 we moved again to Oklahoma, he went to high school and was in 10th grade, he turned 18 while in 10th grade. In the meantime, he kept getting in trouble, same thing, sneaking out, smoking pot, hanging out with the wrong crowd, stealing from us. It all came to a head when we were eating out, I had taken his cell phone a way from him (which I had gotten to keep track of him), and he had gotten my cell phone without me knowing, I noticed he had it, tried to take it from him, and he wouldn't let me have it, then his dad stepped in and tried to take it and he got very aggressive with his dad and hit him to keep him from taking the cell phone. Dad got it from him, and there was a text message from a friend offering to sell him some pot, so that is why he didn't want us to have the phone (yes it was my phone!). So, by then the cops were there because the manager had called, and they took him to juvenille. I was relieved that something was going to be done, but it was really no help at all. He was in juvenille detention for about a month, then got put on probation (He was 17, turned 18 while still on probation). He broke every rule, failed every drug test, so I asked the probation officer to ask the judge that he be ordered into rehab. So, that is what happened, he got ordered into a 6-month rehab. He went to a work-based rehab, there was no cost to us, they worked 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. It was a very difficult program, only 1 out of 10 actually make it through the whole program, but he made it, much to our surprise. He seemed to really be changed, I remember when he gave his speech, swearing he would never go back to that old life. He had asked if he could come back and live with us while he got on his feet, getting a job, getting his GED, etc. He does not have a driver's license, I never let him get one due to him being so rebellious - so I took him to GED classes, though he never got a job . Well he really messed up within 2-3 weeks of being home (failed a drug test)- but we gave him another chance, thinking he really was serious about staying clean and getting a job. Gradually, though, he started sneaking out again, and then last week he stole my husband's debit card (which had happened before) and spent $60 on it. I actually believed him when he said he didn't do it, but then I started realizing he was the only one that could have done it. Cops came to my house and he admitted to him, when they looked his name up, they saw he had a warrant for his arrest because he didn't pay some fines, so they took him to jail, where he is now. We haven't pressed charges because of the stolen debit card yet because we were going to tell him if he goes to rehab again, we will not press charges. I see him as having more of a problem with lying and stealing then drugs, though I know it all goes hand in hand. I did not let him get back on ADHD medicine because he was selling it before, even though I feel like it would help him. I am just really disappointed that he has chosen to go down this path again, but in retrospect, I feel like we should have insisted he go to three-quarter house. He will get out of jail on Monday, and we told him he cannot come back here . He will have to stay in Salvation Army or somewhere like that until he decides if he is going to rehab or figures out something else that will help him. I feel like we have done all we can do for him, and he has proven to us that he is still not trustworthy by stealing from us. He has about the maturity level of a 13-year-old, I think. He is still very much a mama's boy. I went to see him one time since he has been in jail. He seems very sorry, but he always seems that way. (By the way, we did set up rules when he came to our house, and one of the rules was that if he failed a drug test, he was out - but we gave him one more chance - we hated to kick him out knowing he would end up staying with someone he shouldn't be with).
I am open to suggestions, telling me what I have done wrong, etc. I really do feel like he wants to do the right thing.
He was very involved with church and really liked going. I think the big problem was him being around his old friends again. People that know him at church think he is the sweetest most polite young man, I always get comments about him. We had some missionaries that our Sunday School was hosting, and we had a dinner after church, my son came with us. He talked to them, asked them questions, and they commented to me that we must be really proud of our son (this was right after we had caught him sneaking out the night before and saw a message on his phone asking someone if they had pot to sell) - If they only knew. So he is really good at putting on a front, "snowing people".
Well, I do need to get to work - Thanks for letting me vent!!
Then there is Alex, my 19-year-old, who is my main reason for getting on this forum. Alex has been a challenge from the time he was small. He was a difficult baby, cried a lot, difficult toddler, very strong-willed. In kindergarten he got in trouble constantly for talking, and in 1st and 2nd grade he got in trouble a lot of not staying in his chair, talking, etc., and he barely passed.
At about 8 years old he was diagnosed with ADHD, and we put him on Ritalin, then changed it to Adderall later. He had to repeat 3rd grade, then he barely passed each grade after that. H
e started getting in trouble around age 13, smoking pot, sneaking out, etc. We grounded him, did not let him have a cell phone, etc., but nothing seemed to work. At age 16 we moved to Ohio, and I was actually hoping he would get in with a better crowd, but he got right in with the bad crowd again. He was doing 9th grade work at school but barely even able to pass.
Then at 17 we moved again to Oklahoma, he went to high school and was in 10th grade, he turned 18 while in 10th grade. In the meantime, he kept getting in trouble, same thing, sneaking out, smoking pot, hanging out with the wrong crowd, stealing from us. It all came to a head when we were eating out, I had taken his cell phone a way from him (which I had gotten to keep track of him), and he had gotten my cell phone without me knowing, I noticed he had it, tried to take it from him, and he wouldn't let me have it, then his dad stepped in and tried to take it and he got very aggressive with his dad and hit him to keep him from taking the cell phone. Dad got it from him, and there was a text message from a friend offering to sell him some pot, so that is why he didn't want us to have the phone (yes it was my phone!). So, by then the cops were there because the manager had called, and they took him to juvenille. I was relieved that something was going to be done, but it was really no help at all. He was in juvenille detention for about a month, then got put on probation (He was 17, turned 18 while still on probation). He broke every rule, failed every drug test, so I asked the probation officer to ask the judge that he be ordered into rehab. So, that is what happened, he got ordered into a 6-month rehab. He went to a work-based rehab, there was no cost to us, they worked 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. It was a very difficult program, only 1 out of 10 actually make it through the whole program, but he made it, much to our surprise. He seemed to really be changed, I remember when he gave his speech, swearing he would never go back to that old life. He had asked if he could come back and live with us while he got on his feet, getting a job, getting his GED, etc. He does not have a driver's license, I never let him get one due to him being so rebellious - so I took him to GED classes, though he never got a job . Well he really messed up within 2-3 weeks of being home (failed a drug test)- but we gave him another chance, thinking he really was serious about staying clean and getting a job. Gradually, though, he started sneaking out again, and then last week he stole my husband's debit card (which had happened before) and spent $60 on it. I actually believed him when he said he didn't do it, but then I started realizing he was the only one that could have done it. Cops came to my house and he admitted to him, when they looked his name up, they saw he had a warrant for his arrest because he didn't pay some fines, so they took him to jail, where he is now. We haven't pressed charges because of the stolen debit card yet because we were going to tell him if he goes to rehab again, we will not press charges. I see him as having more of a problem with lying and stealing then drugs, though I know it all goes hand in hand. I did not let him get back on ADHD medicine because he was selling it before, even though I feel like it would help him. I am just really disappointed that he has chosen to go down this path again, but in retrospect, I feel like we should have insisted he go to three-quarter house. He will get out of jail on Monday, and we told him he cannot come back here . He will have to stay in Salvation Army or somewhere like that until he decides if he is going to rehab or figures out something else that will help him. I feel like we have done all we can do for him, and he has proven to us that he is still not trustworthy by stealing from us. He has about the maturity level of a 13-year-old, I think. He is still very much a mama's boy. I went to see him one time since he has been in jail. He seems very sorry, but he always seems that way. (By the way, we did set up rules when he came to our house, and one of the rules was that if he failed a drug test, he was out - but we gave him one more chance - we hated to kick him out knowing he would end up staying with someone he shouldn't be with).
I am open to suggestions, telling me what I have done wrong, etc. I really do feel like he wants to do the right thing.
He was very involved with church and really liked going. I think the big problem was him being around his old friends again. People that know him at church think he is the sweetest most polite young man, I always get comments about him. We had some missionaries that our Sunday School was hosting, and we had a dinner after church, my son came with us. He talked to them, asked them questions, and they commented to me that we must be really proud of our son (this was right after we had caught him sneaking out the night before and saw a message on his phone asking someone if they had pot to sell) - If they only knew. So he is really good at putting on a front, "snowing people".
Well, I do need to get to work - Thanks for letting me vent!!
