feeling overwhelmed! any advice?

[TeDo]

Sounds like you're making progress in the "talking to an Aspie" thing. Yes, you almost need to be an encyclopedia sometimes. I hear you there. You are also learning to think very differently than you usually do in order to communicate effectively with your son. Until they learn our "language" so to speak, we need to learn how to speak theirs, Know what I mean?? How does he do in school?

As for the eating, I have to make difficult child 1 eat. He's only 70 lbs at 14 years old but he is a very fussy eater (textures). He goes in spurts as to the food he eats and I gladly keep him supplied as long as he's eating. My thinking is that as an adult, who's really gonna care what he eats. My job is to teach him to make sure he gets the vitamins and calories he needs. That's why he takes a multivitamin with the highest percentages of all the nutrients I can find. For example, he went through a month or two where only broccoli with cheese sauce tasted good to him. I gladly kept it on hand and he would eat that 2-3 times a day but hey, he was eating. I frequently have to remind him that even if he's not hungry, his body will die without food (yea, I know, not 100% true). Food gives his body the energy it needs to keep his heart pumping and organs working. It's like adding wood to a fire to keep it going. Stop putting wood in and the fire goes out. The wood is the fuel for the fire and food is the fuel for our body.

 

[EStephens]

Hadn't thought of that analogy TeDo. He is quite the little pyro so the wood thing would be awesome!! Thanks!

 

[TeDo]

That's one example of "Aspie thinking".... think in THEIR terms, not yours.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have another thought altogether.

When did all this start? How old was he? Where was his dad? Did daddy happen to be overseas fighting? I think that could be huge component in all this. I am not saying he doesnt have ADHD but could it be that he simply doesnt know how to deal with the PTSD of having a father who fought in two wars? That is an amazing amount of trauma for a young child. He is only 10. He had to have seen at least some of the TV videos that were everywhere and for a young child to wonder if Daddy was the one on the stretcher or ever coming back to him had to be so hard. I can only imagine what he thought to himself every night. That alone is enough to make a child act out. Even long after daddy is home safe. Look at the soldiers who are coming home with PtSD. I dont think they are the only ones. I think many of their families are having it too.

 

[EStephens]

My husband is his stepfather. My son's birth father was an abusive piece of ****. He left us the day our second son was born. difficult child was 3. I remarried and that man adopted the boys and is an amazing dad. He (adopted dad) and I divorced but we still coparent when we can but he live about 800 miles away.
My difficult child kept getting kicked out of daycare. We went through 5 different ones in a matter of months. One sent me to a counselor who sent us to our pediatrician who prescribed ADHD medications. He probably had Asperger's all along, we just missed it.
We have found benefits to him taking the ADHD medications so we keep at it. The school will call when he does not have it because he is climbing the walls. When we find something new to try, we will do that.

 

[EStephens]

Sorry guess I cut some of the response.
First off I didn't cuss! I only faked cussed it put stars up!!
My husband has not been deployed since we met. My son has never been without him longer then a month or so when my husband was in treatment at the VA, but my difficult child and pcs never were told where he was actually. They were told he was working out of town.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Given the history? Look up "insecure attachment" on this site - there's some good posts, in particular by Buddy. We think kids don't remember the early years, but it has a huge impact. Your son will NOT be on the extreme end of attachment issues (definitely not Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), for example), but may have some traits, and these might give you some more ideas to try. Our difficult child became detached later (school age) and knowledge of insecure attachment helped us figure out where he was coming from and what he needed.