Where do I begin

[Love never ends]

welcome to this forum, I think the mums on here give great advice and can see clearly when we can not .. I know it's so hard to think straight with worry and no sleep but people have replied to me and I find myself very very slowly reading over some of my replies and it's actually starting to make me question things I never would have before ..... Im not much help as I'm confused and on the beginning part of this journey myself but I can say your not alone the mummy's on here are super helpful and kind xxx

 

[AppleCori]

I don't think one can declare bankruptcy on student loans... i hope you post again soon to let us know if you have found some options. Thinking of you and hoping you catch a break and get some help from some agencies... KSM

It doesn't look like there are any student loans, only credit card debt and other loans.

Madre,

Since you are only months from turning 65, and you have some health concerns, I hope you will at least consider bankruptcy. It is more important that you plan for your retirement at this point.

 

[Tanya M]

Madre, I can only speak for myself but if I were that close to age 65 and had serious debt I would file for bankruptcy.

It is not worth risking your physical or mental health working 4 jobs to try and pay off the debt. I appreciate the effort you are putting into but I believe the cost is too high.

If you file for bankruptcy and move in with your son you would be able to get back on track rather quickly. From what you have said your children live in another town from you. Is that correct? Living with your son for a short amount of time would allow you time to get to know the area and look for a job and then a place to live.
If this is the route you take, moving in with your son, I would set up a predetermined amount of time that you will be there. A time frame that you both agree on. I would make sure you both are clear about what your expectations are concerning this arrangement. It needs to be all be clearly laid out before hand. Very clear boundaries for you both. This way you will be able to avoid conflict or at the very least deal with it better when it happens.

You need to take care of yourself and get some true rest. You can absolve yourself from so much of what is causing your trouble.

I'm wishing you all the best!!

Let us know how things work out.

 

[Ironbutterfly]

Madre- I am in agreement with others here. YOU have to take care of your financial situation first. Let your daughter know what is up and they will probably have to secure another car. Don;t move in with son, that will be a total nightmare as he will have emotional control over you- as it's his place, his rules, etc.

File bankruptcy, talk to the attorney about ways to keep your car at least so you can work. Student loans can't be filed, but if you can reduce other debt via bankruptcy, that should take lot pressure off of you. Go talk to social services in your area and find out what you would qualify for. Do you have any siblings that could help you at all?

Do you have any 401ks that you could borrow from to take of debt?

I do think you have to have boundaries with your children- your whole life has been raising them. They have grown wings and want some freedom to live their life, their choices, etc.

You have to step back and let them fly- time to take care of you Madre.

 

[Copabanana]

Madre. I just want to say Hi, and welcome. You have gotten such good counsel. What I do know is there are always solutions. You are on the way to finding them.

I think you have good kids and you should feel very good about yourself. Raising kids alone is not easy.

Remember. The full story has not been written. Not for you, your daughter or son.

And remember this, too. None of us was a perfect parent. All of us are works in progress.

I agree emphatically that is not in your best interests to move in with your son. Nor is it in your interests to help financially either one of your kids. I would try to back off from daughter, too. Believe me, she will come around.

Within the next year or so you will be able to claim your full social security, if you have not claimed early. With that and medicare the majority of people make do, and way more. It will be a base.

I think you are on your way to handling what you need to. Basic security. Beyond that, it does not take much to be happy and content really. You are doing it.

For now, let your kids be. They are really equipped to deal with their own problems, and they will. I know from my own situation, wanting and needing them to be happy or successful or any other thing...is wasted emotion and counterproductive. Really.

Better we focus upon our own happiness and contentment. I am glad you are here. I hope you keep posting. It really, really helps.

Take care.

 

[Nature]

Hi,
I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm glad you came here from support. You'll find you in a safe place amongst friends. You have raised two wonderful children on your own. I too have worked 4 part time jobs when my ex left our family home and when I look back in retrospect of my life then, I realize I was so sleep deprived that my choices weren't often what I would have made if I had been thinking more clearly. I too did it out of financial necessity for my children so I can relate to that part of your life. However, the cost was I slowly backed away from friends and things that gave me simple pleasure. You need to get that part of your life back...to feel joy not through your children but to find "yourself again". I live in Canada so not familiar with all the options you have in the US but I was nodding in agreement with the others when they suggested filing for bankruptcy. Once your financial woes are taken care of and your not working 24/7 you will see and be able to think more clearly about your options. Should you have to move in with your son temporarily I also agree you should have a set time limit. There is always light after dark days and I hope you continue to visit us here for support as we're here for you. Hugs from me