Hello,
I am reaching out to someone who can help me, give me some support and guidance is very much welcomed. My little girl began showing signs of anger issues at a very early age. Just under two years old is what I can remember. Her Dad and I divorced, for the sake of Her and her dad, I chose to purchase a home in the same town, just blocks away from her dad. Of course, the divorce impacted my little one. When her dad would bring her home, as early as 2 I can remember her heartbreaking display of sadness. She would bang on the front door screaming for her daddy as he was leaving then turn and hit me with her coat, throw a tantrum, push me away etc. Many times, this would bring me to my knees with sadness and I would pick her up and try to sooth her, telling her I'm here, daddy loves you and I will see you tomorrow. (He was able to see her every day. He would pick her up from daycare and bring her back home around 5:30 or 6:00pm when I came home from work). Everyone was upset, her dad upset because now his time was limitted, she was upset because her dad was bringing her home and I was upset for her and him. I honestly did not know how to handle all this and my first instinct was to let her get out some of her anxiety and approach her when she was starting to calm down and except my hugs and abiltiy to sooth her. This would continue for about a year. As she approached 3 and 4 and began to understand more, she would pick up on her fathers conversations with me....(not usually nice, normally some form of criticism and often yelling)
Her Father and I are very different, I'm calm, he's excitible, I'm not very picky, he is, he has very extreme ideas of how things should be done...(pankakes get flipped with a rubber spatula and never in a pan, must be a griddle) and his exrteme thoughts are carrying over to, no nail polish on his daughter, vitamins should be from the organic store, markers must say Waterproof on them, no ink stamps on his daughter, her shoes should not have glitter on them nor her clothing as the glitter is very toxic, and she should not take vitamins with flouride)....
One day, he called me up screaming (she was with him), that she should not have worn a belt with glitter on it as the glitter was all over the place and he warned me about how toxic it is. When my daughter came home, she was not wearing the belt. I calmly took the belt, rubbed it on my black shirt and showed him that the gillter he is freaking out over is not from the belt, it's from a project She did in pre-school.
Needless to say, I could not handle to close proximity anymore and talking to him and compomise was out the window. Please beleive me when I tell you, I tried very hard asking him to compromise and not to express any anger or disatisfaction towards me while she was present. I finally sold the house and moved for a fresh start, in a better school district, better town and I was hoping that things would get better. I did not move to far, only 15 minutes away and her Dad still is able to see her 2 day's a week after school and every other weekend. I realize how much he loves her but I question if his presision is confusing her more. Do I limit the amount of time between the two, do I try and arrange a 50/50 living arragement. (my head tell me, until he and I are both truly on the same parenting page this is Not an option)
So now you have a basic idea of what I am dealing with and why my daughter is so confused....
From the ages of 2 until present, she has been hitting me, throwing things at me, screaming that she hates me and the family (meaning me and her sister), she knocks over furniture and stomps on the floor. Is has been getting worse and now she is pulling my hair and will scratch me so hard she draws blood. I am so heartbroken for her and I am not afraid to admit I must have been doing something wrong....never with bad intentions. I should have given her more dicipline when she was little (2-3) instead, I would be gentle about it, tell her not to hit mom, I'm sorry your feeling so sad, moms here for you, when you calm down let me help you, rub her back tell her is okay you will see dad tomorrow.....what the heck did I create here? She seems to blame me or shows recentment toward me.
I tell her all the time, I lover her, I reward her for good behavior (admittingly, when I was at the end of my rope, she was spanked for hitting me) I feel bad about that.....she's so little . I try not to beat myself up to much and remember that most of us in our 40's or 50's can remember catching a spank from mom or dad once in a while.
I finially reached the end of the line and decided to take her to a child phychologist. We are in the very beginning stages and this is going to be a very long long road...
What sets my 5 year old off is when you tell her, she has to get ready for bed, or it's time for dinner, pajama time, etc....if she is not ready to do any normal routine thing, her temper starts.
Normally I would handle each of these sistuations by giving her a 5 minute warning....or we would agree when she's done coloring then it's time for pajamas, each situation is different but I think you get the point. This method is not working, point blank if she's not ready, she will not submit and im in for a 25 minute temper tantrum and prepar myself to block off her smacks etc. The phycologist suggested I restrain her when she starts to hit me.
I am so broken up about all of this, of course I blame myself when my emotions get the best of me, my head is telling me I am really trying to do everything I can think of, positive rewards, let her know I'm here, and giving myself some releif of self blame. She just recently closed her fist and clocked me in the jaw and was laughing....it's like a game to her, how can I upset mommy....
Then later that evening after her tantrum and after she is calm she will hug me and tell me she's sorry and she loves me, one day she made me a beautiful little drawing with "glitter gel" that said I love mom, I love mom...with her little name on it and everything.
Can anyone please help me. sorry this is so long....
I am reaching out to someone who can help me, give me some support and guidance is very much welcomed. My little girl began showing signs of anger issues at a very early age. Just under two years old is what I can remember. Her Dad and I divorced, for the sake of Her and her dad, I chose to purchase a home in the same town, just blocks away from her dad. Of course, the divorce impacted my little one. When her dad would bring her home, as early as 2 I can remember her heartbreaking display of sadness. She would bang on the front door screaming for her daddy as he was leaving then turn and hit me with her coat, throw a tantrum, push me away etc. Many times, this would bring me to my knees with sadness and I would pick her up and try to sooth her, telling her I'm here, daddy loves you and I will see you tomorrow. (He was able to see her every day. He would pick her up from daycare and bring her back home around 5:30 or 6:00pm when I came home from work). Everyone was upset, her dad upset because now his time was limitted, she was upset because her dad was bringing her home and I was upset for her and him. I honestly did not know how to handle all this and my first instinct was to let her get out some of her anxiety and approach her when she was starting to calm down and except my hugs and abiltiy to sooth her. This would continue for about a year. As she approached 3 and 4 and began to understand more, she would pick up on her fathers conversations with me....(not usually nice, normally some form of criticism and often yelling)
Her Father and I are very different, I'm calm, he's excitible, I'm not very picky, he is, he has very extreme ideas of how things should be done...(pankakes get flipped with a rubber spatula and never in a pan, must be a griddle) and his exrteme thoughts are carrying over to, no nail polish on his daughter, vitamins should be from the organic store, markers must say Waterproof on them, no ink stamps on his daughter, her shoes should not have glitter on them nor her clothing as the glitter is very toxic, and she should not take vitamins with flouride)....
One day, he called me up screaming (she was with him), that she should not have worn a belt with glitter on it as the glitter was all over the place and he warned me about how toxic it is. When my daughter came home, she was not wearing the belt. I calmly took the belt, rubbed it on my black shirt and showed him that the gillter he is freaking out over is not from the belt, it's from a project She did in pre-school.
Needless to say, I could not handle to close proximity anymore and talking to him and compomise was out the window. Please beleive me when I tell you, I tried very hard asking him to compromise and not to express any anger or disatisfaction towards me while she was present. I finally sold the house and moved for a fresh start, in a better school district, better town and I was hoping that things would get better. I did not move to far, only 15 minutes away and her Dad still is able to see her 2 day's a week after school and every other weekend. I realize how much he loves her but I question if his presision is confusing her more. Do I limit the amount of time between the two, do I try and arrange a 50/50 living arragement. (my head tell me, until he and I are both truly on the same parenting page this is Not an option)
So now you have a basic idea of what I am dealing with and why my daughter is so confused....
From the ages of 2 until present, she has been hitting me, throwing things at me, screaming that she hates me and the family (meaning me and her sister), she knocks over furniture and stomps on the floor. Is has been getting worse and now she is pulling my hair and will scratch me so hard she draws blood. I am so heartbroken for her and I am not afraid to admit I must have been doing something wrong....never with bad intentions. I should have given her more dicipline when she was little (2-3) instead, I would be gentle about it, tell her not to hit mom, I'm sorry your feeling so sad, moms here for you, when you calm down let me help you, rub her back tell her is okay you will see dad tomorrow.....what the heck did I create here? She seems to blame me or shows recentment toward me.
I tell her all the time, I lover her, I reward her for good behavior (admittingly, when I was at the end of my rope, she was spanked for hitting me) I feel bad about that.....she's so little . I try not to beat myself up to much and remember that most of us in our 40's or 50's can remember catching a spank from mom or dad once in a while.
I finially reached the end of the line and decided to take her to a child phychologist. We are in the very beginning stages and this is going to be a very long long road...
What sets my 5 year old off is when you tell her, she has to get ready for bed, or it's time for dinner, pajama time, etc....if she is not ready to do any normal routine thing, her temper starts.
Normally I would handle each of these sistuations by giving her a 5 minute warning....or we would agree when she's done coloring then it's time for pajamas, each situation is different but I think you get the point. This method is not working, point blank if she's not ready, she will not submit and im in for a 25 minute temper tantrum and prepar myself to block off her smacks etc. The phycologist suggested I restrain her when she starts to hit me.
I am so broken up about all of this, of course I blame myself when my emotions get the best of me, my head is telling me I am really trying to do everything I can think of, positive rewards, let her know I'm here, and giving myself some releif of self blame. She just recently closed her fist and clocked me in the jaw and was laughing....it's like a game to her, how can I upset mommy....
Then later that evening after her tantrum and after she is calm she will hug me and tell me she's sorry and she loves me, one day she made me a beautiful little drawing with "glitter gel" that said I love mom, I love mom...with her little name on it and everything.
Can anyone please help me. sorry this is so long....