Feelings about adoption etc.

[Nancy]

Buddy I appreciate your thoughts and agree with you. You are giving Q the best chance anyone could possibly give him. What a sad story of his bio parents. thank goodness there are people like you. No child asks to be born with the burdens that ours are born with. In many ways I am grateful to have been given my difficult child because she is a great kid and deserves a chance at a different life than her bio family and we gave her that chance. I am so hopeful that in time she will make that good life for herself even if I'm not here to see it.

And you know I'm not serious about forced sterilization. It's one of those tongue in cheek things that you only get if you've lived what we have. But I do wish there was a way to stop the cycle from repeating itself and for the life of me I don't understand why some people just keep having them even though they are ill equipped to handle them.

Thank you for sharing your story. Your son has a rough road ahead of him but you are definitely his biggest advocate and he is very lucky you came into his life.

Nancy

 

[InsaneCdn]

And you know I'm not serious about forced sterilization. It's one of those tongue in cheek things that you only get if you've lived what we have. But I do wish there was a way to stop the cycle from repeating itself and for the life of me I don't understand why some people just keep having them even though they are ill equipped to handle them.

There are some places where they get away with making "the shot" a requirement for receiving social services... but that doesn't cover the homeless ones, the ones that refuse to fit in with any part of the system...

 

[pinevalley]

Buddy: The story about Q's birth parents is so sad. I don't really know all about Q's problems, but it takes a very special person to be able to raise a child like this. I really admire your strength, and I know that you are giving your son a good chance for a much better life. (((HUGS))))

 

[BusynMember]

There is nothing like this in our country. Frankly, I wish their would be.

I am totally serious about forced sterilization after two drugged affected babies. So are a lot of people who adopt out of foster care. In our adoptive parent group, it came up often and, interestingly enough, it was pretty much thought of as a good (but impossible to implement) solution from people who were both extremely conservative, extremely liberal and everywhere in between. It is hard to see a child you love struggle so much when it didn't have to be. Even harder is knowing that biomom is out there still having damaged children.

All of us realized sterealization woujld never happen. We would sometimes talk about other impossible solutions, such as being jailed or confined and monitored while pregnant if you had more than one damaged/drug affected child. These parents, however, had adopted only from foster care. We were unique in that we had adopted many ways.

I do think the birthparents (and their genetics) are important in the equation and do not believe all adopted children are troubled. I really think Jumper is more well-adjusted than most teenagers. I don't know how she came to be this way, but she did. But I think she has a lot of her birthmother's temperment and her birthmother was very level-headed and very determined to do the right thing. She was not your typical spacy, drug abusing, high school drop out birthmother. She really did want her daughter to go to a home where she would be loved and accepted, and her family would not accept a partly black child. I have talked to Birthmom and her family never brings Jumper up at all. It's like she is a dirty secret. And the birthfather was in jail for drugs. I give him kudos. He allowed her to be adopted.

PastryChef is a sweet person too and I'm glad we adopted her, even with her early drug issues.

I would adopt again if younger, but I'd try to be careful about the age of the child and I'd probably want to meet the birthparents. I would not adopt another child who was from a different country. I got lucky with PastryChef, but Scott never felt he fit in. Maybe that's because he came at age six...I would never ever ever consider a child any older than a few months old. been there done that...no thanks.