Fickle about her new job.....good grief!

[DammitJanet]

These life skills/survival skills are something I have gotten a lot of flack on from one of my friends who has kids in our same age range. She cannot understand for the life of her how I can stand back and allow my "grown" kids to handle medical stuff by themselves.

For instance, when Cory stuck the knife thru his hand and went to the ER, I didnt go with him. He went alone and managed just fine with only a single phone call home to ask me when he had his last tetanus shot. He has had to learn to bandage wounds and apply medications because of the work he does. He is sometimes away from home. He has gotten sick when away from home and I cant go running to be with him. Jamie has been sick and I havent been there.

My friend thinks I am horrible because I dont stand there beside them and hold their hands and hover and kiss their boo boos all better. Heaven help me! My boys are grown and have families of their own now...lol. They best be able to do this for themselves because they have to be able to do it for their own kids too now. Sure I worry about them...Im a mom. If asked for advice on the best way to do something I will give my opinion but I dont need to be by their side 24/7 anymore. Isnt that what we were aiming for? Working our way out of that job?

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">... I dont need to be by their side 24/7 anymore. Isnt that what we were aiming for? Working our way out of that job? </div></div>

Amen, Janet.

Melissa doesn't have the same independent personality that our boys (or Angela) have but I agree that it's time she learned. She will feel soooooooooooooo much better about herself once she stops behaving like a baby.

Sue, it's not uncommon for me to fall asleep with the tv on...or to wake up in the middle of the night and turn the tv on in hopes of falling asleep again. I'd love to be able to sleep all the way through the night but I don't. Oh well. As far as I'm concerned, if she's out of your bedroom, it's a success. Tell husband to leave her (and the tv-lol) alone.

Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

Honestly as far as the tv and the lights go...I cant sleep without my tv on at all. Its too quiet. I wake up if the power goes out! How idiotic is that?

Maybe get her a tv, small one, for her room as a belated present. You can pick one up cheap at a pawn shop.

You can teach her eye drops with visine, cuts and stuff with bandaids and neosporin, make a card with her important medical info on it to carry in her wallet. Cory knows how to call his doctors and make appts, sign himself and the baby in, go to the pharmacy, and all that good stuff. He can measure medications in a dropper and a spoon.

Start teaching her the basics of how to cook, wash clothes, handle banking, and pay bills. These are all needed parts of growing up. Does she even know how to open a bank account? How to start direct deposit? I had no idea that my boys learned these things by watching me but they did. She will stumble but you are there for the questions. Prod her along and she will get there.

 

[Sue C]

Janet -- Melissa has done her own laundry for years now, but she does not know how to cook. (then again, I barely know how 'cuz I hate it) She does not know how to open a bank account or start direct deposit, and I really would like to have her learn to do this. She and I had a joint savings account from when she was younger. We closed it out one day when she needed the money (it was all her money and there was barely any in it). So as of now, she has no bank accounts at all.

She has herself in such a bind with credit cards. She went over the $1,500 limit on one of her Visa's. They added on a $35 penalty plus interest. She paid the minimum payment. This month's bill came. Because the minimum payment did not get the balance under the $1,500, they added on another $35 penalty plus the interest. Yet they only are asking for a minimum payment of $33. Makes no sense to me. And $33 is all Melissa will pay. She also had gone over her Kohl's $500 limit plus missed a month's bill. She also has another Visa but that one is not over the limit. I advised her to pay off the Kohl's bill and the $1,600+ Visa bill as quickly as possible, but I have the feeling she will only pay the minimums.

No, I don't want to be by Melissa's side 24/7. I want to enjoy my own life. I want to see her become independent.

Sue

 

[hearthope]

If she doesn't know how to open a bank account, does she understand all the interest payments adding up on her cards?

She will very quickly get in a credit nightmare with all those cards.

If she is only making the minium payment , does she know how much the total charge is increasing with time?

 

[Sue C]

hearthope -- I tried explaining about the interest plus the overpayment fees to Melissa the other day, but she wouldn't listen. She said she was just going to pay the minimum. husband told her she will never get the cards paid off if she does that plus she is paying at least three times the amount of the items. I'll try explaining it again after she gets her first pay check. husband says wait until after the second check because he knows she will be so excited to have money again and will spend it. (sigh)

This morning was pitiful. She wanted to know the dress code to see if she could wear a necklace or not (didn't know if it was safe to wear in the warehouse--at least she thought about that). She got out her employee handbook and asked me how she would find out. (at least she did not ask me to do it for her) I told her to look under "dress code." Well, the booklet does not have an index in the back where she could have looked up dress code alphabetically. It just has a table of contents divided by sections in the front. It is not alphabetical; there are listings under each category in no certain order, and it's 4 pages. She could not find it and left for work. I looked after she was gone. All she would have had to do was look through each listing. I found "dress code" under Policies and Procedures. She gets frustrated if she does not see something right away and then gives up. :frown:

Sue

 

[Sue C]

Well, Melissa made it through week #1 of her new job, blisters on feet and all. Yea!

She did not inquire about her insurance card yet but...whatever.

Sue

 

[DammitJanet]

They may send her insurance card to her or include it in a paycheck. It may take a week or two for the HR people to catch up with the new hires.

Glad she made it through week one.

 

[Sue C]

Well, Melissa just went to Kohl's and charged $160 on her Visa card. I asked why she couldn't wait until her paycheck and she said because she doesn't get paid until 3/23 and then she wants to use a lot of that money to pay towards the credit cards. And besides, all the cute stuff was on sale. (all she had gone out to buy were socks and sunglasses) Makes a lot of sense, huh? Not.

Anyway, she said to me with a smile on her face, "I guess I'm like an alcoholic only with shopping." I told her, "yes, you are a shopaholic. I'll help you write up a plan to work on getting those credit cards paid off." She agreed plus she said she thinks she should cut up her Kohl's credit card.

Sue