Got a new diagnosis of Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder
- Thread starter HMBgal
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HMBgal
Well-Known Member
Sounds like things have been hard, especially around school. I don't think that the school process, as it's usually done, is the best modality for learning for everyone. Maybe for the majority, but I had a nephew he could not manage in public school at all, but excelled in a Montessori environment. He stayed in that program until 8th grade. I had no idea that this model even continued past early primary school. This boy went onto becoming a soil scientist, graduating with an advanced degree from a prestigious college. He struggled, finally went on stimulant medication in college and he said it was the difference for him between functioning well and barely surviving. He's now a father of two, teaches, coaches soccer, is building his own home, and is a demon Frisbee golfer. We should hope that J and grandson turn out so well, eh? There is no way we could every homeschool grandson. It would be a constant battle. His teacher reports that from being on task for 5 minutes at a time before refusing to work, tearing up his paper, tossing a chair--to now he's on task most of the time, although he work output is very low. He's taking in the information, though, although he struggles with math. And she doesn't assign any homework. I do worry about next year and middle school. I don't even want to go there.
My grandson saves his most challenging behaviors for his mother, too. He completely runs her household and gives her a really hard time. One of my granddaughters, completely neurotypical, cherished only child of older women, was horrendous when she was around them, but an angel with us. We actually dreaded it when her moms were around because she was such a little beast. Now she's 11 and a living doll, although I hear she really cops a lot of attitude with her moms when no one else is around. But, that's kind of expected at her age. Grandson, unlike J, will demonstrate his behavior just about anywhere and many have witnessed it. He's beginning to feel self-conscious about his behavior and you can see the huge effort it costs him to rein in his rages. He's hyper-sensitive to the slights of children--real or imagined--and isn't very good at understanding the subtleties of social behavior so his reactions are often way out of proportion to the event. The kids like him, but are scared of him at times. They say snide and cruel things to him just to set him off. And he will often deny saying or doing something that was awful and has a hard time taking responsibility for his actions. Grandson looks exactly like his father, and has the same personality. Genetics are so huge and we can see it. So while the drugs and therapies are helping, there is just a part of this that is who he is and he will probably struggle with it for his entire life, I expect. His father is totally miserable and has been most of his life.
Yes, we gave Strattera a four month run and it really wasn't making any difference that we could see. The stimulants had slowed his growth to the point that the doctors were concerned. Since he went off the Strattera and the stimulants, he's hungry, eats a wide variety of foods, has gained 35 pounds since July and has grown so fast that we can't keep him in jeans that fit. We know that the Abilify blunts the satiety response, but he really needed to grow and since he's eating such healthy foods, we're not too concerned. That's not to say that he won't grab cookies if they're on the counter, but if we suggest kiwis, bananas, grab a handful of pumpkin seeds, or snap peas from the fridge, he'll do that. We try and keep lots of that kind of stuff around and hide the goodies. It's helping my husband eat better, too. And we suggest water frequently.
And like your J, grandson is wonderful with his young cousin (a challenging three year old) and smaller children that he meets on the playground. He's so gentle, sweet, attentive, helpful, and we completely trust him with animals and children. He's so very very kind and wants to do good.
We still can't trust him with computers and he sneaks his mother's phone when she's sleeping and looks at things he should not be looking at. He's with us more than her and I let him on the computer 20 minutes a day and I sit right next to him and have it so he can't erase the histories. He's getting sneakier and he's quite clever at gaining people's passwords. This makes me very angry and we've had some heated moments and discussions around this.
I hope your appointment goes well today.
My grandson saves his most challenging behaviors for his mother, too. He completely runs her household and gives her a really hard time. One of my granddaughters, completely neurotypical, cherished only child of older women, was horrendous when she was around them, but an angel with us. We actually dreaded it when her moms were around because she was such a little beast. Now she's 11 and a living doll, although I hear she really cops a lot of attitude with her moms when no one else is around. But, that's kind of expected at her age. Grandson, unlike J, will demonstrate his behavior just about anywhere and many have witnessed it. He's beginning to feel self-conscious about his behavior and you can see the huge effort it costs him to rein in his rages. He's hyper-sensitive to the slights of children--real or imagined--and isn't very good at understanding the subtleties of social behavior so his reactions are often way out of proportion to the event. The kids like him, but are scared of him at times. They say snide and cruel things to him just to set him off. And he will often deny saying or doing something that was awful and has a hard time taking responsibility for his actions. Grandson looks exactly like his father, and has the same personality. Genetics are so huge and we can see it. So while the drugs and therapies are helping, there is just a part of this that is who he is and he will probably struggle with it for his entire life, I expect. His father is totally miserable and has been most of his life.
Yes, we gave Strattera a four month run and it really wasn't making any difference that we could see. The stimulants had slowed his growth to the point that the doctors were concerned. Since he went off the Strattera and the stimulants, he's hungry, eats a wide variety of foods, has gained 35 pounds since July and has grown so fast that we can't keep him in jeans that fit. We know that the Abilify blunts the satiety response, but he really needed to grow and since he's eating such healthy foods, we're not too concerned. That's not to say that he won't grab cookies if they're on the counter, but if we suggest kiwis, bananas, grab a handful of pumpkin seeds, or snap peas from the fridge, he'll do that. We try and keep lots of that kind of stuff around and hide the goodies. It's helping my husband eat better, too. And we suggest water frequently.
And like your J, grandson is wonderful with his young cousin (a challenging three year old) and smaller children that he meets on the playground. He's so gentle, sweet, attentive, helpful, and we completely trust him with animals and children. He's so very very kind and wants to do good.
We still can't trust him with computers and he sneaks his mother's phone when she's sleeping and looks at things he should not be looking at. He's with us more than her and I let him on the computer 20 minutes a day and I sit right next to him and have it so he can't erase the histories. He's getting sneakier and he's quite clever at gaining people's passwords. This makes me very angry and we've had some heated moments and discussions around this.
I hope your appointment goes well today.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Thanks - in fact, it was a little worrying. She checked his heart and he has a very irregular heartbeat. She wrote a letter for me to take to a cardiologist. It is very probably the Strattera as before it his heart was normal.
Yes, I agree - a part of all this is also who they are, temperament. J is incredibly strong-willed and always was, since early babyhood; I don't think that is ADHD, I think it's his personality. Computers, phones, video games, it's all a minefield, isn't it? Because J is so physical and still so hyperactive he needs and wants to play outside or do activities - snowboarding, stunt scootering, swimming, horse riding, etc - for most of the time. Is your grandson hyperactive and does he do sports of any kind? Being stuck inside a classroom all day is very hard, I imagine.
Wow, I am jealous re bananas, pumpkin seeds, peas etc
Jacob's diet is not optimum - he has a really restricted palate, so many things he refuses to eat, just wants sugary junk all the time. That is another constant struggle... He has sweets (candy) once a week and brushes his teeth after... he just would survive on doughnuts with sickly icing if he could! I am glad your boy is now eating and growing normally. This is a worry when they don't.
What are your grandson's gifts and passions? He is obviously very bright and an advanced reader... what interests does he have outside of school? Jacob LOVED listening to the Lemony Snicket audio tapes - I imagine your grandson would be into those. It sounds like he is a combination of intellectually advanced and emotionally "behind" - I can see that this would make friendships difficult. Does he play chess? Do you have chess clubs in the States? Well, you probably think of all these things and of course it is all a battle against the computer/virtual world. But I wonder whether developing interests or sports will be an avenue for your grandson that will help him develop and make friends with his peers. It is also so vital for self-esteem, I think. We recently had a week in the mountains where J would take himself off every day to snowboard down huge pistes (I was waiting below in the warm, reading a book in the mountainside cafe ), getting the big cable car by himself each time, striking up conversations and making friends of the moment - I was proud of him that at the age of nine he could be so self-sufficient and have an activity he loves like this. Suddenly his hyperactivity is not a problem but a big bonus!
Just made an appointment with a local psychologist, recommended by the child psychiatrist, to start addressing Jacob's rages and my bad reactions to it...
Yes, I agree - a part of all this is also who they are, temperament. J is incredibly strong-willed and always was, since early babyhood; I don't think that is ADHD, I think it's his personality. Computers, phones, video games, it's all a minefield, isn't it? Because J is so physical and still so hyperactive he needs and wants to play outside or do activities - snowboarding, stunt scootering, swimming, horse riding, etc - for most of the time. Is your grandson hyperactive and does he do sports of any kind? Being stuck inside a classroom all day is very hard, I imagine.
Wow, I am jealous re bananas, pumpkin seeds, peas etc
Jacob's diet is not optimum - he has a really restricted palate, so many things he refuses to eat, just wants sugary junk all the time. That is another constant struggle... He has sweets (candy) once a week and brushes his teeth after... he just would survive on doughnuts with sickly icing if he could! I am glad your boy is now eating and growing normally. This is a worry when they don't. What are your grandson's gifts and passions? He is obviously very bright and an advanced reader... what interests does he have outside of school? Jacob LOVED listening to the Lemony Snicket audio tapes - I imagine your grandson would be into those. It sounds like he is a combination of intellectually advanced and emotionally "behind" - I can see that this would make friendships difficult. Does he play chess? Do you have chess clubs in the States? Well, you probably think of all these things and of course it is all a battle against the computer/virtual world. But I wonder whether developing interests or sports will be an avenue for your grandson that will help him develop and make friends with his peers. It is also so vital for self-esteem, I think. We recently had a week in the mountains where J would take himself off every day to snowboard down huge pistes (I was waiting below in the warm, reading a book in the mountainside cafe
), getting the big cable car by himself each time, striking up conversations and making friends of the moment - I was proud of him that at the age of nine he could be so self-sufficient and have an activity he loves like this. Suddenly his hyperactivity is not a problem but a big bonus! Just made an appointment with a local psychologist, recommended by the child psychiatrist, to start addressing Jacob's rages and my bad reactions to it...
HMBgal
Well-Known Member
Grandson used to totally go for the sugar, fatty stuff and was very limited in the variety of foods he would eat. Whether it was all the different medications he was on or the change in medications and a growth spurt coincided, who knows? It sure has changed! I do know that every medication he was on up until now caused tummy trouble, headaches, and increased his anxiety and irritability so was probably going after the sugar to feel better, even though it doesn't work that way, as we know. But, try to separate me from my morning pastry and latte and you would have me raging, so I get it.
Yes, the heart changes are scary. Grandson had to have ecgs on a regular basis, and a blood pressure and heart rate checks every month. With the Abilify, he has to have blood work done to check for high blood sugar/pre-diabetes. Lovely. That hasn't happened yet because he is so completely freaked out about it. Shoot, we can't even get his toenails and fingernails clipped. Sigh.
As for sports, while the exercise would be great, he is NOT a team player, usually ending up in a beef with some snotty kid or other. Not all kids, especially on sports teams, are very nice or patient with kids that are less skilled or aren't part of the "clique." I think individual or dual sports would be best. He has expressed a strong interest in gymnastics so we'll try that again. Last time, he got in such trouble with the young instructors--the owner's son, who was a total turd--that we pulled him out. But, grandson has matured since then (have no idea about the owner's son) so we are willing to give it another go.
Interest right now are various series of chapter books written by James Patterson and he devours those. He loves to swim, but we live in a cooler area, so have to wait until summer. He likes to boogie board, too, so we're waiting for ocean to calm down enough to get him out there, as well.
Yes, the heart changes are scary. Grandson had to have ecgs on a regular basis, and a blood pressure and heart rate checks every month. With the Abilify, he has to have blood work done to check for high blood sugar/pre-diabetes. Lovely. That hasn't happened yet because he is so completely freaked out about it. Shoot, we can't even get his toenails and fingernails clipped. Sigh.
As for sports, while the exercise would be great, he is NOT a team player, usually ending up in a beef with some snotty kid or other. Not all kids, especially on sports teams, are very nice or patient with kids that are less skilled or aren't part of the "clique." I think individual or dual sports would be best. He has expressed a strong interest in gymnastics so we'll try that again. Last time, he got in such trouble with the young instructors--the owner's son, who was a total turd--that we pulled him out. But, grandson has matured since then (have no idea about the owner's son) so we are willing to give it another go.
Interest right now are various series of chapter books written by James Patterson and he devours those. He loves to swim, but we live in a cooler area, so have to wait until summer. He likes to boogie board, too, so we're waiting for ocean to calm down enough to get him out there, as well.
A few physical activities that do not involve classical "team" approach:
- gymnastics
- swimming - some competitive clubs even have handicapped swimmers training with the elite swimmers, because they count Special Olympics as an elite competition
- martial arts
- horseback riding - western or English, regular lessons or therapeutic which has some advantages for young ones
- gymnastics
- swimming - some competitive clubs even have handicapped swimmers training with the elite swimmers, because they count Special Olympics as an elite competition
- martial arts
- horseback riding - western or English, regular lessons or therapeutic which has some advantages for young ones
Malika
Well-Known Member
Yes (again) I understand. Team sports are difficult - all the more reason to persist with them, perhaps, for all they have to teach but sometimes that is just too painful, right? J had a mystery phase of a few months where (when he first started taking Strattera) he became this star footballer, scoring goals and being a great team player. Other than that... he has little or no team spirit or willingness/ability to put up with waiting around for a ball to come his way. Gymanistics sounds great, especially as your grandson is enthusiastic. Is there not another class he could join other than this one that sounds difficult? Martial arts?? J started doing jiu jitsu in the UK and liked it a lot (he's tried out loads of other martial arts) - a friend who is very into it tells me that it is well known as effective in helping ADHD symptoms. I don't know what boogie boarding is but it must be like surfing, right? That's great that you are close to the ocean, even if it's only available in summer. So important all this stuff! As for riding - has your grandson tried that? Again, it is known as a therapy for ADHD although I didn't know that when J started it at the age of five. He goes faithfully every week and loves it. There is a teacher who seems to me the perfect combination of warmth and strictness and, guess what, J really listens to him... And he loves grooming the horses after, etc. Makes kids feel special, it's a great thing to do. Rather expensive, of course.
THAT is a matter of perspective.
Trust me, I know how expensive it is.
But, for comparison, what we pay for one of our kids to ride 3+ times per week (three are lessons)... is less than what we pay for the other kid to see a therapist 1x per week.
And we're getting more results from the four-legged therapist. That is, of course, partly due to the nature of the "patient" in this case.
It isn't that riding is inexpensive - its just that the other kind of therapy is far more expensive.
