hi
well
i haven't been in much lately. i just am not a supportive person to anyone right now and i'm not in the get it out mode as of late.
i went to doctor this morning and got script for zoloft. i've been sitting here in my rm for about an hr. with the pill afraid to take it after reading about the suicidal thoughts thing. i've had sketchy moments this past mos. i will not lie and im afraid to take it.
when i think of all the medications' my little difficult child has been on and i'm afraid of one pill wow what a jerk i am.
i'm so sad it's come to this i truly am. my heart is breaking on the inside. i kinda feel like my worlds' sort of falling apart. i've always been so resilient and powerful adn strong now ti's all gone. the stripping down process is unnerving to say the least.
i dont' trust anything or anyone sounds scare me now, there was a storm the other night i woke up petriifed. i'm a mess. this isnt' who i really am.
i'm driving boyfriend absolutely insane to the point where i dont trust anything he does or says he does i think he's cheating on me at every turn with every text message and every phonoe call and every let's just umm intimate website he visits i always knew he watched yet it never bothered me. now it's all bogthering me i give him the inquisition every morning it's like the routine now. the questioning begins after he leaves and carries on thru his gym experience and i usually calm by 12. he got a text from some waitress the other day again ugh hate his business saying good morning what are you doing today and i totlaly completely flipped out bigtime. i obsessed and couldnt' let it go.
he apologized repeatedly said it's a girl away at college i saw him textin gher few days ago and they texted a littel back and forth while he was at work. he asked her where do you think i can brin gjen tuesdays our date night that's what he said. the text i saw said i thought of something fun for tuesday. wow i flipped i said what are you doing tuesday on our date night and with whom? he said relax i asked her what she thought we could do. i said you know what this isnt' teh time to be texting your stupid waitresses from your stupid restaraunt.
he said you know what i wouldnt' be here with you supporting you thru all this if i didn't totaly love you. why can't you just trust me? it's getting worse the more i deal with "my situation" the worse the fears get. it's almost paralyzing at thsi point. such insanity, right?? difficult child's been hard to handle older one seems to be responding to me washing my hands of her cr*p so to speak.
oh man you guys if you went thru this ptsd thing how did you survive i mean there isnt' any clear cut how do we heal and get past this junk book. i like black and white may be the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in me i do not like grey. i am now in grey.
even after this poor man goes to work comes home to me everynight withstands my questioning gives me hugs to assure me he's not going anywhere takes me out to give me a mental break from kids i interrogate him at every turn everyday. it's so deeply rooted with what i went thru years ago it's disgusting. he doesnt' understand i have no control of it right now, hence the medications'.
help. i feel boxed in. this truly stinks. bigtime. denial umm isnt' soo bad afterall
well
i haven't been in much lately. i just am not a supportive person to anyone right now and i'm not in the get it out mode as of late.
i went to doctor this morning and got script for zoloft. i've been sitting here in my rm for about an hr. with the pill afraid to take it after reading about the suicidal thoughts thing. i've had sketchy moments this past mos. i will not lie and im afraid to take it.
when i think of all the medications' my little difficult child has been on and i'm afraid of one pill wow what a jerk i am.
i'm so sad it's come to this i truly am. my heart is breaking on the inside. i kinda feel like my worlds' sort of falling apart. i've always been so resilient and powerful adn strong now ti's all gone. the stripping down process is unnerving to say the least.
i dont' trust anything or anyone sounds scare me now, there was a storm the other night i woke up petriifed. i'm a mess. this isnt' who i really am.
i'm driving boyfriend absolutely insane to the point where i dont trust anything he does or says he does i think he's cheating on me at every turn with every text message and every phonoe call and every let's just umm intimate website he visits i always knew he watched yet it never bothered me. now it's all bogthering me i give him the inquisition every morning it's like the routine now. the questioning begins after he leaves and carries on thru his gym experience and i usually calm by 12. he got a text from some waitress the other day again ugh hate his business saying good morning what are you doing today and i totlaly completely flipped out bigtime. i obsessed and couldnt' let it go.
he apologized repeatedly said it's a girl away at college i saw him textin gher few days ago and they texted a littel back and forth while he was at work. he asked her where do you think i can brin gjen tuesdays our date night that's what he said. the text i saw said i thought of something fun for tuesday. wow i flipped i said what are you doing tuesday on our date night and with whom? he said relax i asked her what she thought we could do. i said you know what this isnt' teh time to be texting your stupid waitresses from your stupid restaraunt.
he said you know what i wouldnt' be here with you supporting you thru all this if i didn't totaly love you. why can't you just trust me? it's getting worse the more i deal with "my situation" the worse the fears get. it's almost paralyzing at thsi point. such insanity, right?? difficult child's been hard to handle older one seems to be responding to me washing my hands of her cr*p so to speak.
oh man you guys if you went thru this ptsd thing how did you survive i mean there isnt' any clear cut how do we heal and get past this junk book. i like black and white may be the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in me i do not like grey. i am now in grey.
even after this poor man goes to work comes home to me everynight withstands my questioning gives me hugs to assure me he's not going anywhere takes me out to give me a mental break from kids i interrogate him at every turn everyday. it's so deeply rooted with what i went thru years ago it's disgusting. he doesnt' understand i have no control of it right now, hence the medications'.
help. i feel boxed in. this truly stinks. bigtime. denial umm isnt' soo bad afterall