Happy 18th...

[Catwitsend]

My son turned 18 last week. I'm coming to terms with the reality that the amazing child I brought into the world seems to have squandered the gifts he was born with and it's looking less and less likely he'll live a life to be proud of. From age 11 he started becoming difficult at school, lying, and by 14 he was in continual trouble, smoking weed regularly. Over the past 4 years he's stolen all my jewellery, defrauded my bank account, stolen cards, you name it. All for weed. Life with him has been pretty awful for the most part. His life was and is dedicated to partying. He trashed all boundaries I tried to set, continually too tired to go to school . Unsurprisingly he failed his exams. He's filthy in the home (whenever he's home as he stays out a lot) he's very abusive to me if I date say anything. He steals whenever he gets the opportunity a- less now because we are wise to his ways and keep everything as secure as possible. One glimmer of hope is he's hanging in at college, but he just can't be bothered to do his assignments , and it's such a shame as he's got a teacher who really believes in him and he's doing a great performing arts course. I know he's got debts with his friends too. Well that's a summary, thanks if you've read this far!! My worst fear is he's got kind of sociopathic tendencies, he's such a convincing liar. He's not mean or anything but he'll do anything to get money to fund his lifestyle. As a parent I keep desperately hoping he'll improve and sometimes he's sorry and says he's going to change but it never lasts. Counselling was good but he never continued with it. Has anyone else been in this situation? Am I being overly negative... is there still a chance of change?

 

[BusynMember]

No. I think you are actually being positive and that it could be more than weed with all the stealing.

It is not realistic to expect kids on drugs to do college and be ambitious. Even just weed can zap energy and motivation.

Yes, he can quit. My daughter quit meth, cocaine, pills etc. Even cigarettes. But that was after she was told to leave our home and wanted to quit. Her entire life changed afterward. She went back to school on her own dime but she was sober.

Your son is more likely to change if YOU change and get tough on him and stop giving him money and hold him accountable for if he steals...in other words press charges. Maybe make him get out or go to rehab. At this point in time, rehab is a better investment than college.

Unless he was always this way, Son is more likely a typical drug addict than sociopath. Drug addicts act like sociopaths.

I am very sorry you have to go through this. Perhaps therapy can help you stand strong against your sons horrible choices and abuse of you. What is going on now will not entice him to quit. Whatever he is doing. We rarely know everything. We had no idea the assortment of drugs Daughter used until she quit and told us.

Take care of yourself. That is very important. You matter too.

 

[DoneDad]

The bright side is that at 18 you can kick him out.

 

[Lost in sadness]

My son turned 18 last week. I'm coming to terms with the reality that the amazing child I brought into the world seems to have squandered the gifts he was born with and it's looking less and less likely he'll live a life to be proud of. From age 11 he started becoming difficult at school, lying, and by 14 he was in continual trouble, smoking weed regularly. Over the past 4 years he's stolen all my jewellery, defrauded my bank account, stolen cards, you name it. All for weed. Life with him has been pretty awful for the most part. His life was and is dedicated to partying. He trashed all boundaries I tried to set, continually too tired to go to school . Unsurprisingly he failed his exams. He's filthy in the home (whenever he's home as he stays out a lot) he's very abusive to me if I date say anything. He steals whenever he gets the opportunity a- less now because we are wise to his ways and keep everything as secure as possible. One glimmer of hope is he's hanging in at college, but he just can't be bothered to do his assignments , and it's such a shame as he's got a teacher who really believes in him and he's doing a great performing arts course. I know he's got debts with his friends too. Well that's a summary, thanks if you've read this far!! My worst fear is he's got kind of sociopathic tendencies, he's such a convincing liar. He's not mean or anything but he'll do anything to get money to fund his lifestyle. As a parent I keep desperately hoping he'll improve and sometimes he's sorry and says he's going to change but it never lasts. Counselling was good but he never continued with it. Has anyone else been in this situation? Am I being overly negative... is there still a chance of change?

I am sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain! It could be my story, so similar. I have found great comfort in this forum and there are so many wise people. Keep coming, keep posting and take the strength you get from it to help you through. I think this is going to be a bumpy ride! Hugs xx

 

[Catwitsend]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your replies! It's a lifeline. Somewhereouthere, I'm touched that you responded so thoughtfully and agree with all of your points. And gave me a glimmer of hope too. I'm glad things worked out for you. I'm in the uk, our "weed" here is something quite different from what was around in my times... grown hydroponically and so much stronger. I believe due to its potency it should be classed as a higher risk drug.,Done Dad, short & succint - I hear you! It's hanging in the balance and I've been in touch with the young persons homeless support in the community.What I don't want is kicking him out to provide an excuse to drop out of college, So I'm thinking carefully, and trying not to act In the moment. Finally, Lostinsadness, thanks for your words and your support much appreciated. Best wishes to you all...