hard post

[Steely]

Wow, Isabel, your email just caused me a torrent of tears as I could so relate to the deep pain and self blame you are experiencing. I could say how sorry I am, and how it will get better, but I am not sure if that is helpful when we are where you are. The pain is just so deep, and as Fran mentioned, this kind of pain for mothers causes us to not only be grieved but also feel as if we need to fix the problem . When we cannot fix it, then we turn to ourselves as the problem, because it seems more tangible.
The only advice I can offer is hope...to not believe every test result as a fact, but only an opinion, a possiblity of what is to come, but not a sure fire thing. When I was 16 the doctors diagnosed me as schizophrenic and told my parents I would not live past the age of 21 without many attempts of suicide. They were wrong....very very wrong...nothing they said came to fruition. I always hold that in the palm of my hand when doctors conclude things about my difficult child - they are only guesses, not absolutes - and anyone of us can overcome even the worst obstacles placed in front of us.

So here is to hope....and believing....despite the odds.

 

[busywend]

Isabel, I want to repeat a couple things that the others have said - just in case you did not have it sink in :smirk:.

You did NOT cause this.
You should BE GENTLE on yourself and do whatever it is that YOU need to do to grieve.
Remember that difficult child is still difficult child no matter the diagnosis - and you will still fight long and hard to be sure he has the best life possible.

HUGE HUGS TO YOU!

 

[Sunlight]

I have to agree with the words that your child is still your child, no matter the label.
ant amuses me, his best side is better than most people, his resilience, his humor is the best! but then, he is ant and he has put me thru so much I should be wearing garlic around my neck.

truth is, he is my son. always. no matter what. I have to deal with his life and sometimes step back and sometimes step up.

once you get over the shock and mourning and get to acceptance of your child's needs...with the grace of God...you go on.

 

[crazymama30]

I have been in the same place, and I try not to go back there. I have always wondered if his gfgness was not somehow my fault. I have come to realize that even if I caused it (which I didn't), I would have never done so knowingly.

hugs, life is really hard.

 

[isabel]

My heartfelt thanks to all of you. You have no idea how your words and caring help ease the sting. You have always been there for my darkest moments, and those of my difficult child. If it weren't for the people on this board, I wonder if we would be as far along as we are...you are an incredible group.

Something I didn't mention in my post, which I should have. He's actually still doing very well with the strattera. His incidents at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) have been cut in half in the month he's been on it, his grades have improved since the last quarter and they report that he is getting along much better with the other boys in the cottage. We are very encouraged with this. So much so, I had been toying with the idea that it might not be too much out of the question that he be discharged sooner rather than later, if the improvements continued. But with this testing and the need to observe and work with him on this new level, if it turns out to be valid, I don't think that will be the case, and it shouldn't be. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is incredible and the more time they have to work with him and help us help him, then later rather than sooner might be better for him in the long run. But I did want to share the progress that he has made.

Again, thank you. You are my rock(s)

 

[timer lady]

Izzy,

I'm so glad to hear that difficult child is improving with the new medication & the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) setting.

I know the fantasy of early discharge; let the course of treatment continue. You'll know when or if it's the right time to bring difficult child home.

It may be that difficult child will need the structured support of this type of setting for a long time. Be prepared for that - he's still your little boy.

I struggle many times with this "family of different addresses" thing; yet wm does so much better in a different setting than here. I'm blessed that I am able to give wm that chance in such a caring environment while being allowed to co-parent with the foster-mum of this setting.

Sweetie, take care of yourself. You still have a journey ahead of yourself. :warrior:

 

[witzend]

I'm so sorry, Isabel. He seems so young for that diagnosis! :frown:

What kind of long-term plan are they working on? Or are they just trying to go day by day until they get him more settled? This is very disheartening...

 

[Janna]

Iz,

I was going to say sorry, but I read your 2nd post, and how great for difficult child.

Yes, the diagnosis - so young. Poor little guy. But it sounds like in the long run, this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is what difficult child is going to need to come home. And the Strattera is working?! How awesome is that? :bravo:

I'm glad you're seeing progress. If anyone here deserves it, it's you, friend. I do think about you often, and love to see your updates.

Sending hugs. Please take care of you.

Janna