If home services are making you feel that bad, imagine how bad it makes your daughter feel? Just say NO. Make it stick. If they get ugly about it, sue them. If they are a public school, they have to provide what works for her, not the other way around. She does NOT have to accommodate them. Not at all.
And if she needs to drop out, try khanacademy.org . You can learn anything for free there. Online. She can prep for the GED there, or take college level classes, whatever. As long as she is learning, growing, not molding, she is fine.
We didn't get most of those official interventions for Wiz. Later I learned about them, but we didn't learn he was adhd until he was 7. Stimulants were like a miracle for him. Instant focus and he liked how they worked for him, that he wasn't getting into trouble. He took risperdal for years, even liked how it made it easier for him to control his aggression. If I forgot to give it to him, he would call me from school to bring it up to him. He didn't have any side effects we noticed. Maybe it counteracted the appetite loss from the stimulants, we couldn't tell. He was always a skinny kid.
When we learned he had aspergers, I read all I could about it. No one said he needed this or that type of therapy until much later. He had a social skills group that was great, and one we stopped taking him to because they were teaching them to be as rude as possible. Mostly I read about things and figured out that if he didn't understand this, then I needed to teach him. I homeschooled him for a couple of years because the school would not meet his needs. They were as awful to him as they could be, and he was bored. Bored smart boys make trouble. LOTS of trouble. I didn't have time to deal with the nonsense. If they would just let him read a frimpin' book, he would stop bothering them, but that made too much sense. Plus he was reading books that were too hard for his teacher to understand. She actually told me that. We were OUT OF THERE two days later. She was too stupid to teach my kid. Literally.
I always figured my first job was to make sure he grew up to be a good person, and a contributing member of society. If he was happy, that was nice, but not my problem. So many of the other parents whined because their kids were not happy at school. I never could figure out why they cared. They were not there to be amused, they were there to learn. Mostly their kids were obnoxious brats that my kid refused to play with because, as he put it, "they don't have two brain cells to bounce off each other up in their heads". He was in first grade when he made that observation.
I sort of did most of the interventions myself. I didn't learn what sensory integration disorder was until Wiz was 13 or 14, but growing up he had a pretty good sensory diet. I wish I had known about brushing therapy because it would have helped hugely. He would only tolerate it a bit as a teen, but admitted it did help. It relaxed him and felt good, and he did not want that at that point in his life. He wanted to be the angry teenager. He did it well. Until that point, we did our own social stories and role playing when he didn't understand social situations. After he got too angry to let me do that, he would let my mom do that. She sat him down and compared autism to being colorblind but with social situations instead of colors. My dad is color blind and lets my mom change his outfits so that he doesn't dress hideously (because boy can he pick some awful outfits on his own!). Wiz understood it in that context, that he was colorblind with social situations and social rules, so he let her explain the social rules, and accepted that they were, even when they made zero sense to him.
Some time later he accepted that his sense of right and wrong is a bit off. One of his closest friends commented on it. Now when he isn't sure if he is doing the right thing, he has a couple of people he really trusts that he asks. He accepts that he just doesn't always understand the rules for that, and for when he should and shouldn't get involved. For example he heard a fight that the girl in the apartment upstairs was having with her boyfriend. It sounded like she was getting beat up, but should he call the cops? He honestly had no clue what the right thing to do was. Should he just go break it up? He doesn't look big, or strong, but he is freakishly, crazy strong and will do crazy things in a fight. He always wins because he does crazy things. It is why he doesn't fight. He doesn't have rules for fighting the way normal guys do. So he didn't know if he should call the cops or break it up himself or ignore it. His friend, not amused at being called at 3 am, told him to call the cops. The boyfriend was arrested. The girl was taken to the hospital as she was badly hurt. It was a situation where Wiz needed to know what to do and just didn't know, so he has built a support network because he figured out he needed one.
Your daughter doesn't need therapy because she isn't broken. She has social anxiety. At some point SHE may want help with it. Then it should be helped. A doctor can prescribe her medications without making her see a therapist. Get her away from these idiots and keep her away. They are wrong and stupid and broken. Get her in to see someone who understands that autism is not an illness, it is a difference. It cannot and should not be fixed.
I don't understand risperdal for anxiety. Unless she is psychotic with her anxiety. It is an atypical antipsychotic. It is NOT designed for anxiety. I think maybe it is an off-label use, but I would never give it to her for that. I liked risperdal (risperidone) for my son, but it was to curb his aggression. It was not to help with anxiety. There is a lot that therapy can do for anxiety, IF you are willing to do it and you like and trust your therapist. There is no way your daughter would ever work with these therapists.
Why not look into horse therapy for her? Does she like horses? Or maybe therapy dogs if she likes dogs? I know two people with autism here who have therapy dogs to help with their social anxiety. the dogs need walks so the people have to go out. They love their dogs deeply, so they do. It is a rule, so they follow it. It is for the dog's health, so it must be followed every single day no matter what. The dogs will go up to people and people will ask about the dog, so the person with autism has answers that they have practiced that they can say. It makes it easier to talk to strangers, so they come out of their shell a little. If a stranger asks about this, I say that. It has really opened up life for these people and exposed them to new things. They have seen that not all new things and new people are bad, and they are a little more willing try other new things.
Horse therapy really helps build bonds and heal anxiety also. Many areas have groups or therapists that provide horse therapy. It is truly amazing what can come out of it. It can be therapeutic riding, but it can also be just caring for the horse, depending on what the person needs and wants. Often brushing and petting and caring for the horse is as much of the therapy as riding it. It doesn't involve people asking you questions and you having to answer them, not at all. It is all about you and the horse. It might be something she enjoys. It would be an appointment, but maybe a good one. Or it might terrify her if she doesn't like horses. Though only the sweetest, most gentle horses are used for this.
But another option that was also on the table was online schooling through his school. Could that be something that would work for your daughter?
