Has counseling helped your difficult child?

[crazymama30]

Just wanted to say this is good info, I need to look for a therapist/counselor for difficult child. With boys, does anyone have any ideas regarding if a male or female counselor is better? I think difficult child would do best with a male, but they are so hard to find.

 

[Nomad]

difficult child has had a therapist for many years. There have been times it has been very helpful and times it has only been somewhat helpful. I think much of this has to do with how much she is willing to work on herself. If nothing else, I was very grateful that during the very tumultous teen pre-teen and early teen years, the therapist was willing to act as a go-between. Over all, I give it a thumbs-up. She has a female therapist.

 

[Star*]

Crazy mama -

I used to think and seek out female therapists for Dude in the beginning because I felt a woman would be able to understand him more with his issues of not liking woment (then found out his own gma (x's mom) abused him.

Ultimately I don't think sex is a tie breaker - it's what you are comfortable with and that could be either sex. When we met the therapist we've had the last 5 years? My first impression based on looks was Sigmund Freuid reincarnate. But after a month of sessions - we seemed to enjoy him and his wisdom with difficult child was spot on in helping us.

I had a few women counselors and honestly out of all them? Prefered this last guy to them all - It goes back to thinking I eventually feel like I can tell him almost anything and be okay with his reaction. Some therapists I met I couldnt tell anything to. And didn't stay long. One I caught looking out the window during my explaination of "And how did THAT make you feel?" and so I said mid sentence - And the monkey ran up the flagpole with a banana and yelled at the crowd." and she replied "Uh huh." so I got up and left. I told her that if she was going to be a counselor she should really listen to what people were saying - I wasn't just there to blow it out my blow hole - I needed help - and when I repeated what I had said to her - I was already IN the hallway with others waiting to see her in the lobby." That was about the WORST I personally ever had.

But at least it gave me something to compare to when I found the next lady. She was all "I understand" "I understand" and I said "Really, you had a husband that tortured you and molested your son?" and she stuttered, I got up and left HER office. Two things I do NOT want to hear in a therapists office "How does THAT make you feel?" and "I understand." because I already KNOW how THAT made me feel - or I wouldn't be talking about it, and no, you can't Understand unless you lived it.

The last therapist ? Never said either. When he could relate he would say "Let me tell you about the time I." and then you KNEW he related because he had been through it. Or he would listen to stories about things x did to me and just sit with his mouth open and tell me as long as he had been a therapist in prisons, and all over - he'd never heard of anyone so evil. Then the next week would come to me with reading material or a book suggestion or a movie that related my fears and anger so we could talk about it the following week.

I think a good therapist is one that makes you feel like 1.) You aren't nuts - you are fixable. 2.) They care 3.) You aren't just 250 an hour to them 4.) They are available if you have a true crisis and CALL YOU BACK 5.) Give you tangible goals 6.) Offer you hope and for my family 7.) Have faith and remain optomistic but real.

I also know that the counselors I didn't like - I never had to tell Dude I didn't like them - HE wouldn't talk to them. This last guy - I liked him, and so did Dude until they got to the crux of Dudes behaviors and then Dude shut down - refused to go and had to be made to go. I've no regrets because now I know Dude is going on his own and REALLY working on his problems on his own. He's living in foster care and called the office himself - so THAT to me was HUGE.

if nothing else - like someone else said - it sets a pattern for "therapy is really OKAY if you need it - seek it out."

Hugs

 

[klmno]

Not to be a pessimist, but in our case- NO it has not helped difficult child and at times it has made things much worse. I know it can be successful- I had a therapist that helped me change my life when I was in my early 20's. But the ones we have had here just seem to be a complete waste of time, at best. Even difficult child's answer to why he didn't see the point of going to therapist- "because all he tells me is to be careful". Great! Well, that is a year that I had hoped would be spent on helping this kid understand what is going on with him and strategies to cope with it.

 

[cabletvl]

Hi,

Both difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 have gone to therapy with poor results. Neither one would answer questions or contribute anything to the session. We stopped going but their neurologist would like them to return and have family counseling as well. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to fit this in especially when there doesn't seem to be any improvement. difficult child 2 has counselling twice a week at school and seems to do better there since he is very familiar with the staff.

Good luck

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes.
But ...
Some sessions are better than others.
One time our therapist read difficult child The Riot Act and difficult child really shaped up. Then things relaxed, he regressed, the therapist got too theoretical, difficult child blew it off...
we're at that point now.
husband and I are going alone next time, to restructure our plans and be more aggressive with-difficult child ... and the therapist.
I've gotten some great ideas I would never have gotten out of any book, because with-a therapist, the responses to your issues are tailor-made. In addition, husband and I were not "normal" children. We were both almost straight-A students and very well behaved.
We had no clue what had landed in the spaceship when our difficult child arrived. In a sense, our therapist has given us alien training rules.

 

[Wiped Out]

It's hard to say whether it's helping or not but I think it is. Time will tell with my difficult child, he'll be in therapy for a long time!