Have a diagnosis (almost)

[Malika]

I knew you said she was the early childhood teacher, I was thinking of as the years go on.... elementary school. Is there one teacher for all of elementary too? If so, there is your answer.... find out what kind of teacher he/she is and if it would be a good fit maybe that will help you figure this out???

The other teacher (in another building, next door) teaches the children from 6 to 11, again about 20 or so in total. I have only spoken to her a few times briefly, but she seems a very different character from J's present teacher, who is famed for her severity... She seems approachable, much more laid-back and easy-going. I have been told she tries to do more interesting activities with the children. So it probably wouldn't be a disaster.
Thanks all for your input. Now if only there were a Waldorf school on the doorstep, the choice would probably already be made! There is also of course the monetary aspect because Waldorf schools are private; some have schemes where people on lower incomes pay less. There is a school in Strasbourg - completely the other side of France, about as far away as you can get (and also a cold and inhospitable climate!) - that was the first Waldorf school in France and caters for children for the whole school career from pre-school to 18 and is not very expensive. I do know Strasbourg a bit as we used to go out there to work at the European parliament for a week every year when I worked for the London parliament - it's a rich and fascinating city, with so much going on. Now, if some kind benefactor could just magically find me a place to live and take care of all the arrangements, I would happily follow

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Here's my 2 cents.

It appears he is doing fine with this "severe" teacher now. I would suspect that at least 70% of boys "hate" school and will let you know vocally. It doesn't necessarily mean it will negatively affect them later.....

I think Waldorf schools are wonderful, for typical students. I think there are some difficult children who would thrive at a Waldorf school. But my son, with adhd, highly impulsive combined type, there was no way he would thrive in that environment. His impulsivity would have been off the charts and he would have had an incredibly difficult time focusing. Being in the resource room in 4th and 5th grade in language arts and math was a boon for my difficult child. He knew and testing on all the same academics as the mainstream kids in LA and math, but his team teachers worked wonders with the Learning Disability (LD) kids. It prepared him for middle school and he was totally mainstreamed, with some mods, by end of 7th grade in public school.

Now, that was my 2 cents based on experience and multiple visits to Waldorf and Montessori schools when switching difficult child from a private school when he was five.

My advice - follow your gut and stop worrying about problems that might arise later. There is some benefit to looking forward, but with a difficult child, you just never know. You will know when something is wrong and only you truly know your son. Have confidence in that and let nature takes it course. You will be guided by his need - his true need, not just his desire.

Sharon

 

[Malika]

Thanks, Sharon. This kind of input, from someone who has had direct experience, is very valuable. Of course your ADHD impulsive type is not necessarily my ADHD impulsive type but... I would think there is bound to be some commonality. As I say, I have heard something similar from a couple of other parents of ADHD children. I suspect... that I will probably hang on here in the village for at least another year to see how things develop. Next year will be crucial in terms of revealing how well J can cope in a conventional school environment and doubtless also start revealing whether he may have dyslexia and/or other learning difficulties. If it becomes apparent that he is becoming truly phobic about school, truly cannot cope, I will have my clear sign that change is necessary.
My heart will always be split about this because in one way I know that education in the true sense is of the whole person, not just the head, and that childhood is an opportunity that only comes around once. It may sound strange to some but my heart really is not in school as it is normally conceived. It is more important to me that a child's moral and social sense, creativity and inner well-being be developed than his/her ability to perform various intellectual tasks. But then I daresay I'm just an old hippy

 

[buddy]

That sounds really reasonable Malika. You really do need to trust yourself more, smile! I think if your gut is saying wait and see then there is a reason for it. You put a lot of effort into motherhood and J is really blessed for it.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

It is more important to me that a child's moral and social sense, creativity and inner well-being be developed than his/her ability to perform various intellectual tasks. But then I daresay I'm just an old hippy

Malika, I absolutely and totally agree. This is one of the reasons I struggled for a over a year about the medication issue with my son. There are times I look back and wonder where his imagination and creativity could have led him had I not had him on stims or put him in something other than public school (private school wanted me to medicate him in order to continue from preschool to kindergarten so we moved to public school after looking at the Montessori, Waldorf and a local private boys academy)....but seriously, his impulsivity was off the charts! The medications did allow him a lot of academic success, a few meaningful friendships, and lots of confidence.

But I so wished I could have homeschooled him and then gotten him into some social arts and sports. But he needed so much to learn how to get along with others, how to share things and himself, how to realize he was not the only consideration, there were times he had to do what he didn't like, etc. So school did teach him more than academics, but I really think some of his creativity is squashed by the American school set up -- it's just not "built" for boys.

 

[Malika]

That sounds really reasonable Malika. You really do need to trust yourself more, smile! I think if your gut is saying wait and see then there is a reason for it. You put a lot of effort into motherhood and J is really blessed for it.

Well, if only I knew clearly what my "gut" was saying, Buddy! It says both wait and see and take the plunge elsewhere, lol. I don't think, though, that this (like other situations) is waiting for just one "right" answer. Staying could be a right answer, leaving could be a right answer. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, the whole thing will really lighten up

 

[Ktllc]

Malika, I so understand your position! It seems like nothing is black or white with our difficult children. We are always swimming in the gray zone.
At least, you can say you have put LOTS of thoughts in your decisions for J. And afterall, isn't it what a good parent does?