Savior no more,
Definitely depression, untreated ADHD, kind of a hoarder, disorganized, never on time for anything, which is the main reason she gets fired over and over again. She also has zero focus ability, other than the hyper-focus that these ADHD folks have. This is not good in a job where she has to multi-task and be fast and efficient. She's a dental assistant and there's a severe shortage of them, so she keeps getting hired, then fired, which knocks her further off her game each time and makes her feel worse about herself. Super smart, attractive girl, bright personality--everyone loves her until she drives them nuts with her disorganization and lateness. And even then, people give her chance after chance.
But, we are going to have to have another hard talk with her. She breaks down crying, feels horrible, pulls it together for a day or two, then she's off her game again. We simply can't trust her. And she has a thing for younger men and the last one she brought into her home got drunk and broke into her place while she was gone visiting her sister. Swell. He said how dare she make him homeless. Yeah, that's exactly the kind of people I want around my grandchildren. Then he texted her about fifty times telling her what a crappy parent she is and how she needs to come down hard on my grandson. Really swell. We are upstanding, respected members of our community and the fact that she is doing this stuff, hanging out in neighborhood dive bars (she also pulls a couple of shifts in an upscale dinner house, so her friends are bartenders, etc.) and not doing what you would expect a 40-year old mother of two to be doing--it's hard.
She spaced out on the IEP meeting yesterday, then went to a new dental office 45 minutes later (finally put out a resume after two months) and rocked the interview. She'll probably get the job because she presents so well. But, we've given up hope that she won't be late and will get fired again. We've explained over and over again that there aren't many jobs that pay you to be late, slow, and disorganized. She's great with patients and they love her, but it's bottom line with dentists and they are business people at the end of the day.
As far as getting custody, if her ex gets wind of her using again (although by accounts from people I trust, it's episodic, but I see the signs), he'll snatch these kids so fast it will make your head spin because he hates paying her the little bit of child support he just recently had to start giving her. He has an extremely jealous new wife with three other children of hers, all from different fathers, and one toddler together, plus my grandkids. They go to his house on weekends. My grandson refused to go for two years and really dislikes his father, but has learned to hold it together to go and stay the last two weekends because they have a new X-box and one of his step-brothers is a pretty nice kid.
That home is under a lot of stress and they blame my daughter for all of it because she finally started getting some child support--1/4 what he should have to pay. I'm sure the new wife is getting child support from the father of her children, but they deny it. They are probably as broke as my daughter is, and I feel for them, but I don't want them getting my grandkids full time. They love being at our house and we've been the one constant in their lives. The father and his wife have sent the nastiest, foul-mouthed, angry, disjointed emails to my daughter that you can imagine. I keep them all, yes I do. I've managed to keep an open, polite communication with the father via email for the kids' sake. But he pretty much has the same mental health issues as my grandson.
So, I'm trying to figure out how to get her some free mental health care so she can get back on her Wellbutrin and then explore something for her ADHD. She refused to take an stimulants before because of the guilt over her meth use. But, I think she's more open to it now, but she can't even afford Obama care at this point. All the undocumented workers in our community get free health care, dentistry, food at school, and subsidized housing, but she can't get anything. I need to figure out how they do it. I realize that sounds bitter, but we are struggling so hard with this.
