Have run out of ideas but can't give-up

[worried1]

Dear Scary&sad,
I just joined this site today. I have a very similar situation that I'm currently going thru. My son is 17 and he has been in and out of treatment facilities going on 3 years now. I'm honestly at my wits end!!! He had been diagonosed with adhd at age 5. he has been on all kinds of medication for it. when he turned 13 the dr diagnosed him with o.d.d. and bi-polar disorder. He then became very aggressive and constantly lying about everything under the sun!

A week before my son turned 16 he tried to kill himself by swallowing a dozen of his pills and put himself in a coma for almost 2 weeks.
Due to the lack of oxygen to his brain he now suffers from severe seizures. After he recooped from his coma he continued on his his bad behaviors such as larceny,weapons on school ground, falsely calling 911, stealing from stores, etc....

He just recently got out of a treatment facility in which he was in for 9 months. The only thing he walked away with leaving that place was a book full of other bad behavior kids ph #s!!!

I know as a parent I should never give up on my child but I'm very tired and I really dont know what else to do with him!!
I have a 9 year old daughter and its not fair to her or my husband.

Sadly my son is sitting in a behavior center right now awaiting to be transferred to the state hospital...

I know I typed a lot of personal info but I honestly needed to vent and I find it very therapeutic opening up to parents on this forum.

God Bless

 

[recoveringenabler]

Worried, I have moved your post to it's own thread so you would receive more support. You responded to a 4 year old post.

Welcome. I'm so sorry about your son. You've come to the right place and yes it does help to vent to other people who really know how you feel.

One important factor in dealing with our kids is to make sure we take care of ourselves. Make sure you are nourished in all ways and get your needs met. It is far to easy to take care of our challenging kids and forget about ourselves.

If it feels right, please put a signature at the bottom of your posts so we can remember and identify who you are and what your story is about. It makes it easier.

If you would like to read a good article on detachment, there is one of the bottom of my post here.

Please continue to be a part of our family, we really do understand...............hugs...........I'm glad you found us.........

 

[BusynMember]

Oops! I answered you on General Forum! Glad you are here too.

Don't have anything to add from what I said in General, but this is a great forum too!

 

[dailystruggles31]

it does feel like that my youngest son is 10 and my 12 year old is counstintly hurting him and laughing about it. when i ask him why he hurts his brother he replies, why does everything have to hurt him? ive been going thru this struggle for 12 years by myself. his dad split when he was 1 year old and up until i moved to montana i diddent even have counceling. i just dont give up as hard as it is somedays i just take a deep breath and say, god must have thought that i could handle this other wise he wouldent have put it in my hands i truely belive he only gives u what you can handle even on the days. i feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out. hearing your story just puts it in perspective that he could still be like this when hes older, or worse is your son hurting otheres or animals yet? they make a book called oppositional defience disorder by dr louis trunzo . thats the doctor that diagnozed my son and it was very helpful at the beggining but it just keeps esculating out of control. sincerly,dailystruggles

 

[BusynMember]

ODD is not a useful diagnosis. It is more a description given to younger kids whose issues haven't been diagnosed yet. There is more going on with him that just ODD.

A few things: You have to ask yourself if your kid is doing drugs.

Secondly: God helps those who helps himself. Your son is nearly a man and you are not meant to care for him all of his life. He isn't a child anymore and he will have to be the one who agrees to stop his destructive behavior and get help for himself. You can no longer do that at all once he turns eighteen. Whether it's drug rehab or a good psychiatrist that he LISTENS to combined with a therapist that he actually works with, this is going to be on his shoulders soon. As parents, we have to learn how to not enable bad behavior and to detach. It's not easy, but necessary.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Hugs to you. At some time, you are going to have to let him go or he will never grow up and you will never have the good, peaceful life that you deserve. You deserve to enjoy those who behave well toward you and love you and treat you well and to go on vacations and do the things YOU like to do without him clouding your life all the time. Yes, it takes time to get used to it, but it can happen.

 

[Siobhan Harper]

Just want to say I'm really sorry for what you're experiencing. I know the feeling of never wanting to give up, but I also know that children like ours can completely annihilate a marriage and family. Sometimes, the best you can do is allow your troubled child to be placed where he/she will be kindly cared for but cannot hurt himself or others. And by others, I do mean your own family. God give you strength to know the best path.

 

[scent of cedar]

Welcome, worried1.

The site is anonymous. Putting our situations and feelings into words helps us make sense of things. That part was so important, for me. Because we can share our stories and solutions here, there is a way to comprehend what is happening to us, and to our families. There is a way to survive it. You will find a wealth of experience, compassion, and comfort, here. After so many years, it gets to be about survival, about how to do our best for our kids and our families and stay healthy, ourselves. We need to really get it that the challenges we've faced ~ and met ~ with our kids could never have been expected or prepared for, and that we have done the very best we knew ~ at the time, all the time. The other thing that happens as we share our stories and our strengths and losses is that we develop an understanding for the depth of the trauma we've been coping with. It always shocks me, when I re-read some of my own postings, and understand just what this has all meant for me, for who and how I am in the world. Sometimes? When I stop beating myself up for failing? I realize that, like all of us here, I have responded to a multitude of impossible, horrifying situations with grace and even, with courage.

That doesn't usually happen, though. Mostly? I feel pretty crummy about everything.

That's why I am still here, posting away.

:O)

Barbara

 

[scent of cedar]

Welcome, Daily Struggles.

When the site moderators see your post here, they will help you move it into a thread of its own so that we can respond to you personally. I am so glad you found us. Now that you have somewhere to talk about what has been happening to you and to your family, things will seem a little less frightening, a little more survivable.

Barbara