Unfortunately, there are some teachers who feel they already know everything they need to know, and who resent any attempts to inform them about any particular child.
This COULD be just a case of a teacher not being fully informed ahead of time, perhaps she didn't get the paperwork you sent along. I'm trying to be nice here. But still, to ring you and say that - it doesn't augur well.
One good thing - at least she DID ring to talk to you. She could have simply shrugged her shoulders and not even bothered to communicate with you. Or she could have ignored his 'bad behaviour' and just carried on working around him, letting him (and the other kids) do what they want without even her being aware of any needs, problems or whatever.
A few suggestions -
1) We found a lot of use from a Communication Book. And the sort of frankness the teacher expressed - I always allowed/ignored this in the Communication Book because I wanted the frankness and honesty rather than tact. A Communication Book can be simply - I used a shop-bought cheap exercise book and made a special label on my computer printer that said, "difficult child 3's Communication Book - friends, family, teachers, please write in this book with anything we need to share about him." The book travelled in difficult child 3's school bag. It was NOT his responsibility to do anything with the book (although sometimes teachers tried to make it so, and I kept having to stop this). The book is too important to involve difficult child 3, because if he messed up and forgot it, WE suffered for it. He did too, but not in any ways he could connect with his foul-up. But good use of the book made it easier for both teachers and family, because we could find out, faster, if there was any problem or change. It also saved the frequent "classroom steps"conferences. I could get teacher involvement on board easily, by pointing this out and emphasising that using the book meant the teacher could get away sooner after the school day was over - surely something she would want, after a day in the same room with difficult child?
2) The teacher said he needed "a label". While this DOES sound a bit derogatory, she IS right in that a diagnosis makes a big difference when it comes to getting support. It's not fair, but it is the way things are. Your son HAS a label (diagnosis) and this will help. However, always keep an open mind about the diagnosis because sometimes as the child gets older, you can get a better idea of what is happening. Sometimes the diagnosis changes. For example, a lot of kids with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) are often diagnosed as ADHD to begin with.
3) Keep a diary on your son. It is really helpful especially later on when you need to check anything from his past. There are so many little things that you are certain you will never forget - but you will. The strain of trying to remember it all can slow you down in so many ways. Having your own diary is really helpful, especially later on for doctor's appointments or sometimes just to read through and see just how far you've come - because without it, you might not notice.
4) Do a sig when you get the chance - it saves having to give those little details about you and your family each time. Have a browse around the site, see what you can find in other threads and posts.
difficult child = Gift From God, the child that brought you to this site. easy child = Perfect Child, even though none of them are perfect. husband = Dear Husband. DEX = Dear Ex, although not all of them are "dear".
There are many more things I could share, but a little at a time is best so you don't get overwhelmed.
There is plenty of help here, I have found so much strength from the others on this site. It has changed our life for the better.
Welcome! Keep us posted on how you get on.
Marg