He Wants To nNow Why I'm Mad At Him

[InsaneCdn]

If the kids can't come up with a reasonable decision in a reasonable time... husband sits them down, paints the whole picture, and walks them through the decision tree. If he does this, it's slanted a wee bit toward "his" desired outcome, and the kids know this. But, if the decision were easy (for them), it would already be made. At first, they didn't like it. But now... it seems to work better than imposing a decision.

(only works when there is TIME to do this, though)

 

[keista]

If the kids can't come up with a reasonable decision in a reasonable time... husband sits them down, paints the whole picture, and walks them through the decision tree. If he does this, it's slanted a wee bit toward "his" desired outcome, and the kids know this. But, if the decision were easy (for them), it would already be made. At first, they didn't like it. But now... it seems to work better than imposing a decision.

(only works when there is TIME to do this, though)

I was gonna say....... I have this problem with no brainer stuff like what to have for lunch - nuggets or mac n cheese!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ahhh....
Around here, the only no-brainer the kids get to pick is stuff like what color of underwear to wear... Everything else is a real decision. Spend my birthday money on X, or Y, or save it, or whatever. Which courses to take next year - including negotiating an early-start time with the driver. Stuff that actually has a consequence.

Food? It's already decided. The COOK picks the menu, and what days we get what, and everything else.
They negotiate for having X less often, or Y more often, or special requests (in advance). But... food shows up on table, and we eat. No time for no-brainer decisions about food.

 

[SuZir]

I was gonna say....... I have this problem with no brainer stuff like what to have for lunch - nuggets or mac n cheese!

I think that is rather common problem. I have a good friend. She is an engineer with a demanding job, has four kids with small age differences and an old house she is renovating with her husband (and doing a lot of it with their own hands.) None of that is a problem. But never go with her to Subway to eat. It is just too many decisions, she is totally unable to make an order. Someone else always has to make choices for her in that kind of place.

 

[Bunny]

Is this a decision you're leaving up to him?

He's actually pretty good with decision, for the most part. I think that his anxiety about this meet was up fer several reasons:

1. For him, it will actually be the first one he would have competed in. He was sick for the first one and missed it, and the next two were called off because of weather.
2. It's not at his home middle school. It's at the high school track complex. He didn't know where he would have to go. He didn't know if he needed to wear his uniform. He couldn't talk to the track coach because yesterday's meet was called due to rain and he had no practice today because of the meet tonight.

I can see why his anxiety was heightened, but that doesn't mean he can curse out the rest of the family.

 

[InsaneCdn]

So, you saw the anxiety building, but didn't head it off at the pass?

 

[keista]

He's actually pretty good with decision, for the most part. I think that his anxiety about this meet was up fer several reasons:

1. For him, it will actually be the first one he would have competed in. He was sick for the first one and missed it, and the next two were called off because of weather.
2. It's not at his home middle school. It's at the high school track complex. He didn't know where he would have to go. He didn't know if he needed to wear his uniform. He couldn't talk to the track coach because yesterday's meet was called due to rain and he had no practice today because of the meet tonight.

I can see why his anxiety was heightened, but that doesn't mean he can curse out the rest of the family.

This is exactly the type of situation you need to take control of. Do you take him to away games or send him off with the team? either way send him with both uniforms (we had home and away uniforms) But uniforms are ALWAYS required at games. You take control and prep him for every possible contingency and say "Son, you're part of the team and you're not sick. You're going" End of story. Personally I wouldn't even let this be a choice. If the kids sign up for something, especially team something, they have to see it through.

No, he definitely doesn't have the right to upset the whole household, but if you learn his cues, and as Insane said, cut it off at the pass, then you'll have fewer disruptions.