Heard from Miss KT, and all is not well...

[KTMom91]

There's too much girl drama in the dorm, and she's not even the one starting anything. People are giving her the cold shoulder. The girl down the hall is annoying. Her roommate chewed her out for something that wasn't her fault. She told one of the guys that this girl liked him, and now the girl is mad. She has too much homework. The food is awful.

And her job on campus, that she tried so hard to get, that has no night or weekend shifts? She quit today.

Sigh. She's coming home for the weekend...the very...long...weekend...

 

[tawnya]

Ooohh, not a good start. Maybe she misses her mom?

It has to get better, right?

((HUGS))

 

[shellyd67]

Awww I am sure it will get better for her. Sometimes things just take time getting used to and that includes people. Once she finds her group of friends who she can trust and hang out with she will feel much, much better. Perhaps she is just a tad bit homesick. Wishing her the best and enjoy your long, long weekend.

 

[svengandhi]

Perhaps you can contact her RA and see if she has any insight into why other kids seem to be giving her the cold shoulder and/or any ideas about how to help Miss KT integrate into college better. Maybe a change in roomies is in the work. Maybe Miss KT is over-reacting to certain things that may not be about her.

Good luck.

 

[Hound dog]

Hmm. Sounds like adjusting at first isn't going to be smooth. Sometimes it isn't. I would have had an issue with a dorm setting. Too many people tend to grate on my nerves, even at that age it was an issue. Most especially if they were strangers.

Encourage her to look for another job..........hopefully she can find one with better hours, even if it's walmart. ugh (at least they do accommodate school hrs)

It's the settling in period. There are going to be rough patches, it's going to have it's uncomfortable moments.......and homesickness may be playing a role too even if she doesn't realize it. Let her unload on you this weekend, vent ect. Then encourage her to stick with it........by xmas this will all be old hat and she'll have friends out the wazzoo. lol

Hugs

 

[Suz]

Your first paragraph sounded like the college version of that old Allen Sherman song "Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder".


Hello Mudder, Hello Fudder Lyrics

Hello Mudder - Hello Fadder
Here I am at - Camp Granada
And it's very - entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining

I went hiking - with Joe Spivey
He developed - Poison Ivy
You remember - Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine pois'ning last night after dinner

Take me home, oh Mudder, Fadder
Take me home, I hate Granada
Don't leave me, out in the forest
Where I might get eaten by a bear-ear

No I don't want - to-oo scare ya
But my best mate - has malaria
You remember - Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organise a searching party

Take me home, I promise I will not, make noise
Or mess the house with oth-ther boys
Oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day

Dearest Fadder - Darling Mudder
How's my precious - little bruddah
Let me come home - if you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me

Wait a minute - it's stopped hailing
Guys are swimming - guys are sailing
Playing cricket - gee that's better
Mudder, Fadder kindly disregard this letter


I hope it's just early panic from the transition and that KT has a positive turning point soon, like the kid in the song.

Hugs.

Suz

 

[DaisyFace]

Ugh!

Hope the weekend's not toooooo long...

 

[DenitaS]

(((((( HUGS )))))) Hope your weekend is FAST and PAINLESS!!!

 

[Nancy]

Oh dear.

Nancy

 

[witzend]

Oh, my...

 

[susiestar]

Sounds like a rough start. Hopefully the conflama will end and she can have a successful and productive semester!

Maybe when she starts to go into the conflama you can walk away. Gfgbro no longer goes into the conflama or pontificating around my mom because he thinks it triggers dementia like symptoms - for a while if he started in on it, mom just walked away and closed a door between them. Now he is afraid it will trigger anxiety and those dementia symptoms will come back.

Mom and Dad think it is a riot - and the most effective thing they have done to get him to stop!

Whatever happens, I wish you a peaceful and happy holiday!

 

[KTMom91]

I confronted her about quitting her job - and she blew me off. Several hours later, she came in asking about refilling her medications. I reminded her that I had made it very clear that she came off the insurance on Aug 31, and she had assured me that the college had a health center where she could fill them (it doesn't, which I suspected, but...), that it was her problem now, and since she had a dr appointment on Sept 17, she needed to figure out how she was going to pay for it. Then I asked her if she had called around to find out how much her medications were without insurance. No. I pointed out that, several years ago, her medications alone were close to $400/mo, and I was sure it had gotten more expensive since then. OK. She'll apply for Medi-Cal. I told her about the prescription assistance some drug companies have, but that she would need to apply if she was interested. OOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK.

Then she sends me a fb message. "I guess I'll just have to go off my medications then, since I don't have insurance and they cost so much." My response? "You were well aware of the end date of the insurance, and we are not going to cover your medications." And you know what? I don't feel guilty in the least. This is the same bs her father pulled...all the time. No follow through, then try and guilt someone into fixing it for you. If that doesn't work, blame them directly and finish it up with a huge helping of passive-aggressive. been there done that. Not again.

 

[7jewels]

Wow, KTMom, I could've written your last post myself! My difficult child is 19, tries same exact game about medications/money! My detachment helps but there's always some huge drama waiting to unfold. I'm thinking about you and praying for you; and I'm here in Cental CA, too!

 

[Fran]

Good luck. I figure talking to her about how to avoid some of the drama will fall on difficult child ears.
Hopefully, she will come to understand that the learning is the main goal and social living skills are secondary.
I had to remind easy child that the whole point of higher education isn't just getting through and good grades but to actually
learn stuff. LOL.
I called and spoke to the school counselor and mentioned difficult child's discomfort with some of the antics in the dorm. The counselor
did make sure to speak to difficult child and to help guide him to a healthier group of students. Some schools have groups for kids with social
anxieties. Take advantage of all the supports that the college has to offer incoming students.

 

[rejectedmom]

Some adjustments take a bit of time. Hope the weekend gives KT a fresh perspective. -RM

 

[susiestar]

WOW! Maybe if she keeps pulling this stuff she should have to find her own place to stay on breaks and in the summer. Esp if being unmedicated makes her even more gfgish. I hope she figures things out soon and with-o trying to inflict more of the **** on you.

(((hugs)))

 

[TerryJ2]

Groooooooooooaaaan.
How is it going?

I am amazed at how many from the General board are here. Gosh, how time flies and these kids just keep getting older!

I hope Miss KT finds another job and learns to take the good with-the bad. Remember, anything that is annoying to a easy child will be magnified 10X by a difficult child.
Many hugs.

 

[KTMom91]

Thanks for asking, Terry.

She has a cold, no one in the dorm likes her, she can't decide which civilization to write a paper on, she's bored, she's tired, she went to the workout room but couldn't make the treadmill work, she's hungry but doesn't know what to eat, she's worried that she won't get to see Baby Girl next weekend because she has a cold this weekend, she doesn't have very much money, she can't decide whether to come home Thurs evening or Fri morning, she went into Santa Cruz today and was afraid of the homeless people, she doesn't have enough quarters to do laundry...

Oh, yeah...magnified 10X. I finally asked her why she had to catastrophize everything, and after I defined catastrophize, she said she didn't know. I pointed out that she had always made things considerably harder than they needed to be, and maybe if she could learn to calm down, things would go more smoothly for her. She actually sounded like she was thinking about it. Hmmmm...

 

[katya02]

I hope she does think it over - maybe taking deliberate time to calm down as each issue arises and makes her anxious will stop things from snowballing.

 

[hearts and roses]

Even my easy child complained about everything the first couple of weeks of college - and then some more down the line. Oy vey, if it were difficult child...I may not be alive to tell the story.

The thing is, they need to adjust - this is real life and KT needs to figure it out.

While it's okay to vent to Mom, she can't expect you to save her from her cold, her dormmates, her boredom, her indecision about food, fix the treadmill, etc. And she will vent and b**ch and moan but in the end, without your help, she will find a way to cope - or crash. Like you said, she knew the cut-off date for the insurance and there are resources available to her; now she needs to utilize them. All you can do is point her in the right direction, the rest is up to her.

I'm so glad she peaved you off so much that you're letting her figure it out! Yeah for you!