Hello and an update re:difficult child's Ccounseling & Emancipation Issue

[Dollhouse]

Hi All!

Sorry I haven't been around; I hope you all are doing well to be the best of your ability.

Things are a bit calmer at this moment...I never let up my guard, as the storm may rage again soon.

My son DID go to his intake meeting on April 27th -- although he was kicking and screaming and angry he had to go, but he went. He also went to the follow-up on appointment this past Friday on his own (got a ride from a friend). He gave authorization for me to check his attendance, get info on the recommendation and that's it. His first counseling session is this Wednesday at 1pm. I'm a bit miffed though -- he told me the recommendation was for short-term counseling and they would start with 8 sessions (2 months) to begin with and then see if he needs to continue. *Ugh* -- The intake counselor was a young girl; I hope she knows what she is doing in regards to that recommendation.

As far as the emancipation issue; I had a free consult with a lawyer today and it wasn't promising. The lawyer didn't seem to want to help and she said that the judge may order psychological testing, which would cost me $5K. My son knows NOTHING about this. I don't have the money nor emotional strength for my son and I to be 'tested' in court and pay that amount!! The lawyer said I would have to prove sufficient mental distress from my son and to be honest, I don't know how I would do that. The lawyer stated that since my son is not in school at present and not working, that the judge may allow the emancipation request -- she said it could go either way. However, I can prove the crisis situation that happened a few weeks ago and that he was taken by ambulance along with the police call.

I feel like giving up and not go thru with this. I just can't do anymore - First off, I don't have the money to pay a laywer (I have an EAP program that give me a 25% discount on laywer fees) and second, my son JUST is starting counseling. I may not even be able to recieve documentation that he left school because of emotional issues, my son is 18 and I won't have access to any current therapy records.

My son, just last week -- told me that he wants to take one or two classes at community college. The sessions start on May 26th. He applied online on his own. Don't know how he will pay for it (student loan, I guess) and I don't know if this will hurt or help this emancipation issue. I'm still going to the other free lawyer consult tomorrow; maybe that will be more promising. The lawyer I saw today told me to file a cross-motion with the court ($30) ASAP and that's it.

Any thoughts on this? Sorry for the lengthy email, but I appreciate the time you are taking to read all of this.

Blessings to all!
Doll

 

[witzend]

As far as the evaluation goes, there were many done when I was defending myself against L's dad and stepmom. Just tell the counselor that he is seeing that he may need to write up an evaluation for the court. Don't try to sway his opinion, just tell him what the purpose of the evaluation would be, should it be needed. You can choose whomever you want to use. Whoever told you that it must be so and so was misinformed. Also, if the court orders that their own therapist or psychiatrist be used, the court must pay for it.

 

[Dollhouse]

The lawyer I saw today stated that if the court orders a psychologist, to determine if my son has mental issues, etc that I would have to pay $5K for it (to the court). She said that they would bring in 'experts' and that the cost would be on me. Maybe this lawyer was misinformed, but how would I know? I'm not a lawyer! LOL

My son hasn't even started therapy yet and again, I am not privy to his records, so they may not write up an evaluation as my son would have to authorize it.

My son knows NOTHING about this court issue. If I told him, I think it would set him back and just curtail his efforts. I think I should just forget it and let the emancipation happen. I don't have the emotional strength or finances to even deal with this.

As it is, I want to just 'check out' of life so that I can go away permanently and not deal.

 

[Star*]

Dollhouse -

Maybe this is an alternative -

In our state a child can NOT be emancipated IF he/she has had trouble with the law or considerable trouble with the schools. Emancipation here is for kids who have carppy parents and need permission to be OUT of their house at say 16-17 (before 18) without parental supervision. The kids have to prove they are able to support themselves in order to get emancipated.

BUT - I can go to family court and for $25.00 file with the clerk of family courts a petition of incorrigibility. This is for kids who have put their parents through so much, that they can't parent the kids any longer. We were able to move forward with that. It's not like terminating parental rights - it's for those kids like Dude (at that time) that we couldn't get anyone to LISTEN to us that he was in need of more help than we could give him at home and needed placement.

Maybe call you local clerk of court and ask about that. Most states have similar programs. Surprised your $$cha-ching$$ attorney didn't suggest something along those lines.

(my fees are free) lol (oh go on)

 

[Dollhouse]

To Star: I'm not understanding the filing for 'incorragibility" (sp?) How would it benefit me to do that??

I am NOT the one asking for the emancipation -- my ex is and I'm trying to fight it.

~D.

 

[Star*]

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH I see.......so sorry - got it backwards.

I thought you were trying to get your son placed somehwere and couldn't find the funds.

MY HUGE mistake. Let me start over so I understand -

Your son is going to be 18 or is 18
Your ex doesn't want to continue to pay childsupport; so he's trying to figure out a way to get out of paying while your son goes to college?

Lord, when I miss a point I miss it by a mile

 

[Dollhouse]

MY HUGE mistake. Let me start over so I understand -

**Not a problem; it can be confusing trying to explain items in detail when one is posting )


Your son is going to be 18 or is 18
**YES!! My son turned 18 last September )

Your ex doesn't want to continue to pay childsupport; so he's trying to figure out a way to get out of paying while your son goes to college?

**Correct again! My ex does not want to pay child support anymore. My son went to college last August and came home in Oct. Insert depression and emotional issues. Will be starting counseling this week. However, son applied to county college to start courses as of May 26th. Just one or two classes, but it's something. He is NOT working. My husband and I are fully supporting my son financially, roof over head, food, etc. I got a $30K loan to help pay for my son's college; my ex paid NOTHING. Now he wants to stop the child support.

I hope that helps! Thanks for replying!!

 

[cakewalk]

Dollhouse,

I was wondering how you were doing with the lawyer. I don't have any advice, but I've been checking in daily wondering if you were getting anywhere with your ex's request.

 

[Suz]

Starbie, I didn't understand either.

I don't have any idea what to suggest...but I hope it works out!

Suz

 

[rejectedmom]

I am sorry that his dad is trying to stop support when it seems that your son could still use it. I have no suggestions at this time but hope you can find a way to persuade Ex to continue to help. At least until difficult child stabilizes. -RM

 

[witzend]

The lawyer I saw today stated that if the court orders a psychologist, to determine if my son has mental issues, etc that I would have to pay $5K for it (to the court). She said that they would bring in 'experts' and that the cost would be on me. Maybe this lawyer was misinformed, but how would I know? I'm not a lawyer! LOL

There is no reason that the court would order this. If it were a criminal case or if you were asking the state for support, they might. But not in a civil matter. If your ex is asking for a change in circumstances, it is on him to prove that the change exists. He would have to hire an expert of his own, and you would be able to hire one to rebut his. It sounds more like the attorney was trying to scare you into not hiring him.

My son hasn't even started therapy yet and again, I am not privy to his records, so they may not write up an evaluation as my son would have to authorize it.

My son knows NOTHING about this court issue. If I told him, I think it would set him back and just curtail his efforts. I think I should just forget it and let the emancipation happen. I don't have the emotional strength or finances to even deal with this.

As it is, I want to just 'check out' of life so that I can go away permanently and not deal.

I know this is difficult. Try not to put the cart before the horse. You are not the one asking for a change, so I wouldn't sweat the issue of who pays for evaluations. It is up to the petitioner to prove their case, and you are not the one petitioning the court. Do what you can to make some time for yourself every day. Everyone deserves to be spoiled a little from time to time, even if it's just getting your favorite coffee or something simple.