Helpful definitions from Brene' Brown

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by recoveringenabler, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    These definitions have helped me on my own journey with my daughter...... and in life.

    Brene' Brown is a PHD research professor at the University of Houston. She studies shame, vulnerability, innovation, creativity, love & courage.....she's written many books which I've found extremely helpful)

    LOVE:

    We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

    Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between 2 people when it exists within each of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

    Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

    BELONGING:

    Belonging is the innate human desire to be a part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance.

    Belonging is being who you are versus Fitting in which is assessing what is necessary to be accepted.

    CONNECTION:

    Is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued. when they can give and receive without judgement and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

    FAITH: Faith is the place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    BELONGING:

    Belonging is the innate human desire to be a part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance.


    I'm interested in this word, topic, etc. on a variety of levels. When I worked with addicted youth (mostly marijuana, actually), they certainly did not have any sense of "belonging." For awhile, at the beginning, I did intake. Part of this, was this humongous interview process. It was interesting to me how many of these children did not attend church or synagog, etc. I'm not saying religion is the answer to illegal drug use, but it was note worthy. Additionally, they did not have hobbies. No sports or clubs. Or any of the things that might be considered old fashion, like fishing or model airplanes. Hence, they did not have folks to hang around with that had like interests. They did not feel like part of something important or valuable.
    As a side note...I think that something like this might be why this last political election was so off the charts bizarre (there are other reasons too no doubt). But, I think people long to belong. I am a (fill in the blank). And if you disagree with me than you are a (fill in the blank with something vile). A primal urge (maybe that is putting it mildly) to belong to something if not greater than ourselves, at least meaningful and important. Without it, maybe people are lost. And if they feel like they are getting close to something like that (drug pals) they crave to hold onto it even if it is unhealthy for them. Or as an adult, they might not be open to hear the views of others as it might seem threatening to this little sense of belonging they have tapped into.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member