witzend
Well-Known Member
I tried to write this one before, but somehow I hit the back button and it disappeared. L finally got a real job this month. She is working as the administrative assistant to a VP of a communications firm. So, of course, she went shopping for new shoes and clothes before she started. This is a girl who has been living off of people, including her boyfriend, for her entire life. Other than about two weeks when we had her leave here two summers ago, she has never lived alone. Even then it was an upstairs room in a house near her dads. Dad wasnt letting her live with him again then, or now. He does have her do work at his office for about $20 an hour. But its occasional. Im not sure how it is that she ended up back at her boyfriends house at that time.
boyfriend and she couldnt be more different. But he had money and cars and a house and vacations and boats and it suited her desired lifestyle. He is a 36 year old Christian Republican Sportsman who has worked at the same job as a finance manager for a new car dealership for 10 years. She is a 24 year old Jewish Democrat party girl with no credit (unless you count bad debts) who has never had a real job, let alone one for more than a month or two.
Two and a half years ago he asked her to leave when he sold his house. She moved in with us and we told her to get work and get a place of her own. She stayed with us about 6 months and became a bartender (from time to time). She ended up in his townhouse within a month. He bought a new house last winter, and she moved along with him. He does this from time to time and its more about investments and flipping than making a home. Although he never said anything, I assumed that it meant that he was considering something more permanent. But honestly, they never seemed close. At least one night a week when he was off he spent that time with his friend B who lives about 40 miles away. L and B do not get along. All boyfriends Mexican and Hawaiian vacations save one to Hawaii this spring were taken with B. I really thought it might mean something that she went with him, but he made her pay her own way. Her dad bought her ticket for her birthday, and gave her work enough that she could pay for the other half.
So, of course, her first paycheck she bought more shoes and a purse. Then she nagged him out of his credit card number with an excuse about her debit card being in his pocket and needing to special order shoes to replace the ones that she bought the week before at Nordstrom. But she also got Nordstrom to give her cash back on two pair she was returning, with which she bought the purse and other shoes. This was on a Sunday, and I know he was not happy about the credit card thing, I assume he asked her to pay him back and she had no money because she spent it on shoes. I was there with her. Wednesday he told her she needed to leave. She didnt give me any details, but regardless of what she thinks, I actually am not an idiot and have eyes to see.
She told me that she was thinking about moving in with a pediatrician/pseudo-psychiatrist (licensed but not a member of the AMA) friend of her dads who was instrumental on his side in giving false testimony against me during every single custody/visitation hearing when she was young. This lady comes in and out of Ls life and acts as a mother figure to her, which is clearly inappropriate and unneeded. I wasnt happy about that, but knew it would turn out badly, so thought what the heck. Today she sent an e-mail with some apartment listings, so I guess the other idea didnt work out. It sounded pretty unrealistic to me, in any case. When she was with her previous boyfriend, she bogued out on cable and electric bills, so she cant get a regular apartment, and refused to pay the bills over these past four years because He said hed pay half, so Im not going to pay it. Sometimes things (like logic)
, huh?
I dont know if she has any of her household goods that I got her before. I dont know if shell stay anyplace long enough for it to matter. She says she doesn't want a lease, but month to month rent. Shes already been on some dates and guys are calling her, (while shes still living with boyfriend until she finds a place!) :cry: but I know shes upset about where she will go. I wont sign for anything or put my name on anything, but I would help her set up house. Once.
I sent her a card last week and told her that she was smart and sweet and talented and I love her. I also told her that she needed to take this time to figure out a goal for herself and go for it. I told her if she would set a goal and work on it she would accomplish it and it would make her feel better about herself and that is how you find happiness in life. Then she can find happiness with someone else, too. She called and told me I was sweet to say so and that she would do that. (That was when she told me she was going to move in with Dads doctor friend who has a nice house and is never home and she could counsel me when Im upset.")
I hope she will find a place of her own and stay there for a while. She was seeing a therapist and on Welbutrin for a while. I hope she will go back and continue to work on her life. Its hard to know what to do. I guess Ill just wait until she asks for help and deal with that when the time comes...
boyfriend and she couldnt be more different. But he had money and cars and a house and vacations and boats and it suited her desired lifestyle. He is a 36 year old Christian Republican Sportsman who has worked at the same job as a finance manager for a new car dealership for 10 years. She is a 24 year old Jewish Democrat party girl with no credit (unless you count bad debts) who has never had a real job, let alone one for more than a month or two.
Two and a half years ago he asked her to leave when he sold his house. She moved in with us and we told her to get work and get a place of her own. She stayed with us about 6 months and became a bartender (from time to time). She ended up in his townhouse within a month. He bought a new house last winter, and she moved along with him. He does this from time to time and its more about investments and flipping than making a home. Although he never said anything, I assumed that it meant that he was considering something more permanent. But honestly, they never seemed close. At least one night a week when he was off he spent that time with his friend B who lives about 40 miles away. L and B do not get along. All boyfriends Mexican and Hawaiian vacations save one to Hawaii this spring were taken with B. I really thought it might mean something that she went with him, but he made her pay her own way. Her dad bought her ticket for her birthday, and gave her work enough that she could pay for the other half.
So, of course, her first paycheck she bought more shoes and a purse. Then she nagged him out of his credit card number with an excuse about her debit card being in his pocket and needing to special order shoes to replace the ones that she bought the week before at Nordstrom. But she also got Nordstrom to give her cash back on two pair she was returning, with which she bought the purse and other shoes. This was on a Sunday, and I know he was not happy about the credit card thing, I assume he asked her to pay him back and she had no money because she spent it on shoes. I was there with her. Wednesday he told her she needed to leave. She didnt give me any details, but regardless of what she thinks, I actually am not an idiot and have eyes to see.
She told me that she was thinking about moving in with a pediatrician/pseudo-psychiatrist (licensed but not a member of the AMA) friend of her dads who was instrumental on his side in giving false testimony against me during every single custody/visitation hearing when she was young. This lady comes in and out of Ls life and acts as a mother figure to her, which is clearly inappropriate and unneeded. I wasnt happy about that, but knew it would turn out badly, so thought what the heck. Today she sent an e-mail with some apartment listings, so I guess the other idea didnt work out. It sounded pretty unrealistic to me, in any case. When she was with her previous boyfriend, she bogued out on cable and electric bills, so she cant get a regular apartment, and refused to pay the bills over these past four years because He said hed pay half, so Im not going to pay it. Sometimes things (like logic)
, huh?I dont know if she has any of her household goods that I got her before. I dont know if shell stay anyplace long enough for it to matter. She says she doesn't want a lease, but month to month rent. Shes already been on some dates and guys are calling her, (while shes still living with boyfriend until she finds a place!) :cry: but I know shes upset about where she will go. I wont sign for anything or put my name on anything, but I would help her set up house. Once.
I sent her a card last week and told her that she was smart and sweet and talented and I love her. I also told her that she needed to take this time to figure out a goal for herself and go for it. I told her if she would set a goal and work on it she would accomplish it and it would make her feel better about herself and that is how you find happiness in life. Then she can find happiness with someone else, too. She called and told me I was sweet to say so and that she would do that. (That was when she told me she was going to move in with Dads doctor friend who has a nice house and is never home and she could counsel me when Im upset.")
I hope she will find a place of her own and stay there for a while. She was seeing a therapist and on Welbutrin for a while. I hope she will go back and continue to work on her life. Its hard to know what to do. I guess Ill just wait until she asks for help and deal with that when the time comes...
