We love hiim so much to give him yet another chance - we called the bondsman and had them lock him up until his hearing.
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Susan, you and your family have been through living h*ll these past weeks. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing ~ both in having your son home, and in calling his bluff when he did not live up to his promise to you, and to himself.
And I fully agree that you had to give him another chance.
This is your son we're talking about here, not some stranger on the streets.
You (and husband and myself, too) have to do everything within our power to help our children go a different way. The problems our children face come with consequences too severe to just let everything slide without being sure there is nothing more we can do. Each of us comes to understand when our own limits have been breached, when our own resources have been exhausted, in her own way and in her own time.
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I hope I am not frustrating anyone and I will use the right smilely face.
For myself, I hope you will feel that you can post here about what is happening to you and your family without being afraid of our responses. Each of us arrives at her conclusions about how best to help her child in her own time. For so many of us, the capacity to believe in our children, or to hope that this time, things will be different, has evaporated into thin air. Once that happens, we wish for others to see the things we know without having to go through the years of pain we did, to get to this place, this sad place, where we accept that there is nothing more we can do for our kids.
I am so sorry this is happening, Susan.
I am glad you posted this morning.
I think it is important for us to acknowledge the trauma our children's paths have brought into our lives. I think it is important for us to grieve our losses, and to remember and acknowledge both the love we feel for our children, and the hope we still hold in our hearts for them, however far away a successful outcome seems.
If we cannot hold faith with our children, if we cannot believe for them that they can do this, can survive the consequences of their actions and go a different direction any time they choose, who can?
One of the mothers here posted to me once that coming home again ~ even for just a brief visit ~ can sometimes help a child (and my son is still my child, whether he is thirty three or eighty two or twenty) remember who he was. In that remembrance may be the strength he needs to come back to who he was meant to be.
I still tell my son he was raised better than this.
I still use the phrases I learned, here on the site, when I have no clue how to respond to him, or when I just don't know how I can face what has happened to all of us.
We need to hold faith with and for our children.
Accept the advice you find helpful or healing, here on the Board, and let the rest go.
Now that you have done all you knew for your son, try to make this a time of healing for yourself and your family.
Wishing well, Susan.
Barbara
