He's not going to the wedding with us

[TerryJ2]

Difficult Child insisted all along that he wasn't going to the wedding. I ignored him because he always says he hates flying.

This time, he ramped it up again and again. Plus, he's got a horrid cold. Plus he has a job interview Friday. Plus, his ex girlfriend is having an ultrasound every week to check on the baby, because she's isn't growing (the heart is still beating) and she could go into early labor or have a c-section if things get worse, and he thinks he should stay. Ex girlfriend never said yay or nay in regard to his staying, and now she decided she wants him there. I hope it doesn't happen while we're gone because I really want a paternity test the instant the baby is born.

He's freaking out the closer it gets to the delivery and he's losing his footing in regard to his own adoption. He let loose bigtime today, screaming, swearing, F-this and -that, and then never knew if his bmom really wanted to get rid of him or if she ever loved him. Never felt a part of our family or extended family. I knew that, but it was mostly his withdrawal in groups. We've told him that he's got to meet us halfway.
Anger, meanness, tears.
He pulled out a huge kitchen steak knife and held it to his wrist because he said that his life is such a mess, he wanted to kill himself.
I didn't believe he would do it, but I was prepared to tie a tourniquet and call 911. Half of me wanted him to do it, because then I'd know he was relatively safe in the hospital while we were out of town. How's that for warped thinking?
He chickened out.

I decided to call his bluff on the emotional issues and told him that he could only stay home under the condition that he call his bio mom and set up an appointment to meet, face-to-face, this week.

He did it. They are supposed to meet Friday. I will text her to make sure that she follows through.
Bout time he gives her some of the cr@p he's been giving me.

I also gave him a NAMI brochure and told him to sign up for the peer-to-peer group. I'll print out a couple of groups and dates for him.
I gave him a clonidine and he said he already took one before the first job interview in the a.m. I told him to take the second one. He took it.

He's supposed to have a follow-up job interview Friday as well, to sell mattresses or something in the mall. Bo-ring! But at least they are interested in a 2nd interview.

I dropped off his old 24" road bicycle the other and today put money down for a 26" in a different style. All of the bikes in this place are used and half built, so I have to wait for it to be assembled. Total price: $100 (including trade-in). Much less expensive than a car! Most of his friends have bikes so it's about time he joined in. And he can get to work that way. And school.

I hired a professional pet sitter to come by the house 3X a day while we're gone . She has a key. Difficult Child can't find his key. I told him that he'd better find it or he will be locked out. After the mess we came home to last time, I am not trusting him to take care of the dogs and cats, or to clean up or get the newspaper. (And last time, he said, "Oh, I would have done it if I'd known I was getting paid.' Uh-huh.)

I'm leaving in the a.m. and I'm going to have a good time. I am sick of this drama.

 

[AppleCori]

Terry,

Wow, Difficult Child is really ramping up!

Will this be his first meeting with bmom? Sounds like you have kept in touch with her?

I am a bit relieved that Difficult Child doesn't want to go to the wedding. Sounds like he would be miserable and make everyone else miserable too. And with the baby situation, he is understandably on edge (though that doesn't give him the right to take it out on others).

Will he be able to get to the hospital if the baby comes while you are gone? Maybe it would be best if he can't get there without you, so he doesn't do something (not smart) like sign the birth certificate before a DNA test is done.

Is he going to finish high school? Is that on his radar even? Does he have any plans for after high school?

Have a great trip and keep posting!

Apple

 

[TerryJ2]

We're back.
It turned out very well that he stayed home.
Two of my sisters never even asked where he was. Hmm.
I'm wondering if my little sister blabbed.
I told my s-i-l and my uncle that Difficult Child had a meltdown and that at this time of yr, he always freaks out and his anxiety goes through the roof. (I'll never forget the Labor Day he spent in the psychiatric hospital.) They know he's a little different so we left it at that.

He calmed down, recovered from his cold (now I have a cold ) and the house was clean when we got back.
I hired a pet sitter for 3 visits a day, and that way knew that someone would always be checking on him and he would be checking on her. Trust and verify.
I traded in his little bike for a bigger one and the total was $100 for a used bike with-26" wheels. He can ride it to work when he gets a job. He thanked me profusely.
He did notice that it was old and commented on it and I told him that once he started to make money, he could trade up for a better one. He said he'd rather save money for a car.
I think I'll buy a light for it because he won't think to do that. I gave it to him as a "gift."

Bmom didn't call him back. He didn't meet up with her.
They're both flakes. Sigh.
I will set it up because I really want her to hear what he has to say, and vice versa.
We usually get together at Christmas but for several yrs, she was a no-show and said she was sick. She's been better in the last 2 yrs. I don't want to discuss serious issues at Christmas so I want this over with. Maybe it will help.

He went back to school yesterday. I have no idea if he will graduate or get a GED. All I can do is watch.

I'll bet dollars to donuts that he will break up with-H soon. She will not want to tolerate discussion of the baby and old girlfriend, and will probably meet someone in her new jr college anyway. They've been fighting a lot.
We'll see...