Hello I'm new here, my story is long and my concentration is bad right now so I'm going to try to summerize this. My son is 39 he started using as a teenager I don't think there's nothing he hasn't tried except maybe herion. 7 years he ended up in prison for breaking into 3 pharmacies and getting caught at the last one with all of the drugs. Did 5 years. Came out and lived with us for almost a year was doing ok at first then started hanging out with a woman that was on meth. He blew up at me said all kinds of nasty mean things and said I don't want to be here I said where and he said here I said ok leave then so he left with no job no place to live whatever. Another year goes by without contact and due to the heavy meth use he went into a state of psychosis and was posting his rants of how multiple groups were after him trying to kill him he was in and out of the hospital at least 4 times within a month. So I was told he was released from a hospital that is about 20 miles from where he roamed I thought I'd pick him up so he didn't have to walk that far. I took my elderly mom with me. So we found him he was in his state of psychosis and it was the most nerve racking disturbing experience in my life I think. So he's jumping out of the car yelling at people. He calmed down we dropped him off in his zone and his antics continued. Eventually he ended up in a rehab maybe the 3rd one released and living with some girl. He attempted suicide by taking Tylenol but quickly told someone and was taken to the hospital. Though all that I made contact with him again and he was humbled and seemed sincere about getting back on track. One of the places he was at may have given him the shot the causes meth to have no effect, not sure but I let him come home. He spent 2 months in jail for something came home was here a week and his phycosis started. I literally woke up to my digs carrying on and him talking at me a million words a second and of course I knew he was using. I panicked and called the sheriff they wouldn't remove hom so I had his friend come get him. Meantime as we were waiting on the sheriff he's saying that I'm a horrible person that he asked me for help and I snapped said You have problems because you are narcissist and don't care about anyone but yourself I went outside. My poor husband just got off of a midnight shift stayed to babysit him until the sheriff arrived. He was telling my husband that I was shining a flashlight in his room at night and that when I get cancer and I'm going through chemo I can think about him. He also texted me in the early morning while I was still sleeping that I should work for the drug task force but remember I schooled 30 of them for 2 months. He's in jail again he went with his friend something happened he was at the hospital and assaulted a security guard. He tried calling me and wrote me a letter that says please read. I'm not. I've reach the point where I'm willing to except whatever fate has to bring and I will not talk to him unless he gets completely independent and drug free. My question is: What happens to someone like this I live in small town Ohio we don't have the resources here that bigger cities have. The police and the hospitals have called me during all of this to pick him up. We are truly helpless here and without proper resources.
Homeless meth addicted son
- Thread starter Lexii
- Start date
AddictionSucks123
New Member
Hi Lexii,
I can hear your heart break and fear from all the things you have gone through to support your son the best that you could. It's terribly frightening when the psychosis presents itself. I have been there. I learned I didn't have to validate his psychosis but validate how he felt in the moment and try to use what empathy I could to bring understanding.
You and your husband have been going through this for a long time. Would you be open to going to a support group? There are many that are online now. There are Smart Recovery Meetings, Thrive meetings, or Al Anon meetings. Any of these support meetings are essential for us to not only be heard but the group will also help you process your own needs in times of great distress.
Your son is an adult and he is on the blame cycle. For your son, the resources available to him will come based on his actions. He, too can attend online meetings, or find an online therapist, if there is not one locally available. The question is, would he be interested?
You and your husband have a right to not pick him up or let him back in your house to live with you. You have a right to have a peaceful life for yourself. I know you are in pain, because you want to help your son not feel so much hurt and loneliness and so many other things. And you too, have the right to feel empowered and strong, with or without hope for your son. And radical acceptance is also ok.
If you are interested, I looked at a lot of videos on Youtube by Put the Shovel Down by Amber Hollingsworth (an addiction counselor) and it has taught me so much about addiction and the brain. There are many that will reference boundaries, communication, relationship building and motivational interviewing.
I can hear your heart break and fear from all the things you have gone through to support your son the best that you could. It's terribly frightening when the psychosis presents itself. I have been there. I learned I didn't have to validate his psychosis but validate how he felt in the moment and try to use what empathy I could to bring understanding.
You and your husband have been going through this for a long time. Would you be open to going to a support group? There are many that are online now. There are Smart Recovery Meetings, Thrive meetings, or Al Anon meetings. Any of these support meetings are essential for us to not only be heard but the group will also help you process your own needs in times of great distress.
Your son is an adult and he is on the blame cycle. For your son, the resources available to him will come based on his actions. He, too can attend online meetings, or find an online therapist, if there is not one locally available. The question is, would he be interested?
You and your husband have a right to not pick him up or let him back in your house to live with you. You have a right to have a peaceful life for yourself. I know you are in pain, because you want to help your son not feel so much hurt and loneliness and so many other things. And you too, have the right to feel empowered and strong, with or without hope for your son. And radical acceptance is also ok.
If you are interested, I looked at a lot of videos on Youtube by Put the Shovel Down by Amber Hollingsworth (an addiction counselor) and it has taught me so much about addiction and the brain. There are many that will reference boundaries, communication, relationship building and motivational interviewing.
This is tragic. I don't have experience with this particular thing. But, I too would say that a support group might be extremely beneficial. Communicating with others, especially within you own physical community, might be very helpful (as well as coming here!) Some might know of local resources that have helped. But, just the camaraderie is a balm. This pain is like none other. Al Anon and Families Anonymous are two I can think of off the top of my head, but I'm sure there are others. As well as private therapy, at least for the short term.
Chaos in the home with an adult child is a "no go" for me. But, I know it's extremely hard to figure out what to do as we don't want to see our adult children in harm's way. Again, this might be something local folks who have been with what you are going through, might have some ideas/resources.
Please keep on posting...sending good thoughts.
Chaos in the home with an adult child is a "no go" for me. But, I know it's extremely hard to figure out what to do as we don't want to see our adult children in harm's way. Again, this might be something local folks who have been with what you are going through, might have some ideas/resources.
Please keep on posting...sending good thoughts.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
The quotes above were choices you made. You understand now you can't make the same choices. It's enough already. We are so glad you're here with us.
The main issue here is not your son, I believe, it's you. You are no different than the rest of us here. Learning to tolerate reality and the fact that you can't solve the issues for your son. That is what brings everybody here. You are NOT alone.
My son is mentally ill and brain injured. He is homeless. He needs all kinds of treatment, but doesn't get it. I have been here 10 years, learning to accept reality and living with it. It's taken writing 10,000 posts. Please stay. We care.
This is your place to stand. This is solid ground. Good for you!
Good for you!!!
Say no. No is a good thing to say, in these wrenching and horrible circumstances. No is the right thing to say for you and for your family, and for your son. Over and over again public authorities and resources have intervened to help or to contain your son. When things get so bad with our adult children, we don't have the expertise or capacity to help them. It is between them and society.
I live in California. Sometimes I think half the world comes here with their problems. And even smaller towns have resources to help treat and house people who need help. And the counties transport people from County to County. Your son has the capacity to travel to another place or get assistance to do so. He does not have to be or stay home. He should not.
Your son knows how to seek help. He has the where with all to get on a bus to someplace that does have services and support for him. He chooses not to. Your job is to not support him to do the wrong thing. Impaired as our adult children are, they have the right to live as they want, are able, and choose. We have the obligation to respect their right to do this. That is what I have come to believe.
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Fairy dust
Active Member
I so agree with Copa. Oftentimes I have found myself trying to save, make better things for my son. I have come to realize that has not helped him. It was my way to self soothe, to make me feel better because I was “helping”. I had to finally face my pain, the awfulness of it all, and how we have no control over our adult kids or their choices. I had to learn through tears, heart ache and self awareness to let go. I believe that has freed me, and also my son. Oh what a hard journey this has been and still is. But I have to be true to me And finally honour me! Hugs to you all.
Midst
Evolving
I feel your pain! I have experienced and felt everything you describe, only my adult child is a 35 year old female. She has been in and out of jail and hospitals, lived in filth and danger, and has been abused by people she chooses to allow around her. I've slowly learned to let go, and acknowledge reality. There are resources available everywhere, even small towns. I've informed her countless times where to go and what she could do to no avail. We have to let them live their own lives the way they choose. I'm raising her 2 1/2 year old son now since birth. She recently had another baby boy and we had to let him go to a foster home for many reasons I won't go into. It's the most painful experience I've ever gone through , but I must go on and keep my boundaries in place. She is not allowed in our home now. I've tried multiple times but have always failed because SHE WON'T take charge of her own life. Hugs
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
My son is 36. He does not use meth as far as I know, but he does use other drugs. He is homeless and mentally ill. He is also brain injured. I used to think he wouldn't take charge of his own life, but now I see he does.
He does take charge of his life. He just doesn't live like I believe and know would be easier on him, his body and his mind (and certainly would ease my own mind.) My son lives exactly as he chooses. He is completely in charge. He will only give lip service to me, to secure what he wants that I can give him. He may look like he's complying, in order to get something, but it's not even skin deep.
I love him very much.
While he is manipulative, I think he really does not want to live any different than he is living. I don't think he wants to work. I don't think he believes there is a way to feel better. Even though he would love a family and children, he has renounced this as a possibility. He only wants to be more comfortable, and have it easier.
While intellectually I accept reality, emotionally, it's very hard. If I could accept reality emotionally, and not long for him to change, I could help him more--because it wouldn't hurt so much. It is what it is. It's so hard for all of us.
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