Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I did not have time to read thoroughly all of the replies you have gotten but you got good advice.
I want to underscore several points.
Many of us have dealt with aggression and violence; those of us with boys, I would say all of us.
It is never OK. Not at 2, or 5 or 20. None of us ever anticipated the moments and hours that we would come to live, or imagine what courses we would have to follow, to parent, or to cope.
Nobody could do this without respite.
The school district is responsible for educating him. Period. If it takes residential treatment, so be it. That does not mean you are any less of a parent. The reverse is true.
My son was in non public school from 6th grade on, except for the years we lived internationally. Paradoxically he did better in schools outside of the USA. One of the behavioral non-public schools here in the states had a residential component. It was wonderful. If it takes this, for now, to get him socialized, contained and educated I would do it.
I agree with culturanta except for one point:
That is the reason that the proper treatment and educational setting is so vital. His capacity to contain himself will grow with effective behavioral intervention.
There is such a thing called a behavioral analysis where a trained professional will observe your child at home (and school) and develop a targeted and strategic behavioral plan, and will teach you to implement it with your child. This will be based on reinforcement. They will train you.
This could possibly be written into an IEP. I would go to a regional children's hospital, with referrals from your pediatrician to see a child neurologist and to get a full neuropsychological evaluation at the Child Development Center. They will know how to put you in touch with services to get a behavioral analysis, as well as other needed referrals. My own son was referred to a behavioral nursery school and to language therapy.
Eventually we were supplied with an attorney (free) through an organization called, I think, Disability Rights. That is how we got, initially, non-public school. I would do a google search for disability rights advocacy agencies around the country to get help/advice for the school portion and I would call whoever fits however remotely and ask them who to call, and what they recommend. My son had his first IEP a year or two BEFORE he went to kindergarten. I would not have known this was possible had I not reached out to everybody.
I am not surprised that son's agitation increased with the eye issue. It sounds like he is responding to internal stimuli THAT HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND. He does not know how to calm himself. He is as afflicted (or more) than are you. It is not AGAINST you, although any parent would feel as if they were being tortured and living with an oppressor.
I remember times when I thought I would go off the deep end. Desperate does not even begin to describe my sense of isolation, despair and complete and utter sense of hopelessness in those hours. But guess what? It got better.
I hope you keep posting. It really helps. Welcome.
I want to underscore several points.
Many of us have dealt with aggression and violence; those of us with boys, I would say all of us.
It is never OK. Not at 2, or 5 or 20. None of us ever anticipated the moments and hours that we would come to live, or imagine what courses we would have to follow, to parent, or to cope.
Nobody could do this without respite.
The school district is responsible for educating him. Period. If it takes residential treatment, so be it. That does not mean you are any less of a parent. The reverse is true.
My son was in non public school from 6th grade on, except for the years we lived internationally. Paradoxically he did better in schools outside of the USA. One of the behavioral non-public schools here in the states had a residential component. It was wonderful. If it takes this, for now, to get him socialized, contained and educated I would do it.
I agree with culturanta except for one point:
He is not doing this volitionally. He is responding to thoughts/feelings/bodily sensations that he does not understand by acting out. He does not have any other way to deal. For right now.He will destroy your marriage and your sense of who you are if you allow it. Don't allow it.
That is the reason that the proper treatment and educational setting is so vital. His capacity to contain himself will grow with effective behavioral intervention.
There is such a thing called a behavioral analysis where a trained professional will observe your child at home (and school) and develop a targeted and strategic behavioral plan, and will teach you to implement it with your child. This will be based on reinforcement. They will train you.
This could possibly be written into an IEP. I would go to a regional children's hospital, with referrals from your pediatrician to see a child neurologist and to get a full neuropsychological evaluation at the Child Development Center. They will know how to put you in touch with services to get a behavioral analysis, as well as other needed referrals. My own son was referred to a behavioral nursery school and to language therapy.
Eventually we were supplied with an attorney (free) through an organization called, I think, Disability Rights. That is how we got, initially, non-public school. I would do a google search for disability rights advocacy agencies around the country to get help/advice for the school portion and I would call whoever fits however remotely and ask them who to call, and what they recommend. My son had his first IEP a year or two BEFORE he went to kindergarten. I would not have known this was possible had I not reached out to everybody.
I am not surprised that son's agitation increased with the eye issue. It sounds like he is responding to internal stimuli THAT HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND. He does not know how to calm himself. He is as afflicted (or more) than are you. It is not AGAINST you, although any parent would feel as if they were being tortured and living with an oppressor.
I remember times when I thought I would go off the deep end. Desperate does not even begin to describe my sense of isolation, despair and complete and utter sense of hopelessness in those hours. But guess what? It got better.
I hope you keep posting. It really helps. Welcome.