How much time do you spend with your not difficult kids?

[BusynMember1]

I'm curious as it came up in another thread.

I know I only see Amy and Rick socially maybe every other week. I know people who only see their nice kids at holidays. I think I expected more socializing with my kids than was reasonable for these days.

Trust me, I love them dearly. But they both have busy other lives. My husband is my main companion.

You?

 

[Nandina]

Hi Busy, your topic is something I consider frequently. I know some people who can't make it through the day without at least talking on the phone with one of their kids. That’s not exactly my experience, though. I’m more of a talk once a week or maybe every other week kind of mother. And the same for visiting.

I know my kids love me—they tell me all the time with every visit and phone call. And they always know they are loved and supported. They usually call me first whenever they have good news to share, like recently when my son was promoted to manager of a branch of his company. He knows I am his biggest fan. They (32 year old daughter, 29 year old son) still often seek my or their dad’s opinion or advice on certain things.

But we raised them to be independent, self-sufficient adults and that they are! And we’re not always their top priority anymore (sniff-sniff!)

My daughter is one of the most independent young ladies I’ve ever known. She left our southeastern state at age 18 for college on the east coast, did a study abroad, then worked a few years before deciding to travel some more. She spent 18 months in Australia and later about a year in New Zealand, living in hostels and air bnb’s. We talked and texted all the time when she was away; probably more than now. What an exciting life she was leading! Currently, she is back in our state and has since met a new boyfriend, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided to find another country to visit, perhaps with boyfriend in tow!

There is a well-known quote; one I think I’ve heard you refer to or something similar, Busy. ”Good parents give their children roots and wings—roots to always know where home is, and wings to fly off and practice what has been taught them.”

I feel like my husband and I have done that with our kids. And as much as my mother-love wants to keep them here forever, there may be opportunities that take them away from the familiarity of our little town and me. So, I try to look on the bright side—it will give me more places to visit someday and see parts of the world that I wouldn’t otherwise have seen.

Thanks for asking.

 

[BusynMember1]

Yep. That quote was mine.

I do have my kids living close by and I babysit the grands sometimes but both kids are busy with work, activities and relationships. I just wondered how much others see their kids. Seems like not a popular topic lol.

I am grateful to have a husband who is my friend. To be honest I call my parents once or twice a week but they have many kids and are never alone.

 

[Hopeful parent]

I see my none difficult adult children every week and (their children) my grandchildren. I even still see my difficult adult child's children to his first marriage every school holidays, even though he doesn't. I have even spent time with my ex daughter-in-law away, when we have taken one of her children to see specialists.

 

[Beta]

Our youngest son lives out of state and we call once a week and speak to each other. My husband and I just flew up there this past weekend and spent several days visiting with him, and he will be coming at Christmas. I would love to have him close by, but he has his own life and I just try to accept that, for now at least, we will have to stay in touch by phone and intermittent visits. He is our "no problem" child, very independent and responsible.

 

[ChickPea]

About 3x a week.

We set boundaries on visiting a while ago, and it was limited to weekly family dinners. But then since we are taking care of the grandchild, we opened that up to a couple more days. I really feel like that has helped.

So, before things got even crazier, it was an open invitation once a week to come during family dinners. Sometimes she'd take us up on it, sometimes not. But it was always an option.

Feelings-wise, it sucked sometimes because our other kids really can stop by whenever they want, and the family dinner is still open, but we had to set boundaries because things were just too chaotic with our Difficult Child.

 

[RN0441]

We see our two boys in Chicago when we can. We saw them in March, one came to visit for a week in May (loved it) and we are going back in December. Our once difficult child now lives with us while in college and we see him every day!

 

[JMom]

My girls are still at home (18 & 15). All 3 of mine call/text/ visit daily. We have a group text that is used several times a day. The kids are always close and love to stay connected.

My oldest (25) lives away from home but calls/facetime or texts about 3x day. I know that sounds crazy, but he's usually just telling me something funny, introducing me to a girl, showing me his dog, or saying good night. I would be ok if they didn't, but it feels nice to watch them all interact and be silly.