husband and i have decided

[lovelyboy]

I am so sorry your family needs to go through this!!!! Even if you know this is best for you.....it must still be very difficult and sad?
Does he expect anything? Does he realize that this could be an option?
Its so overwhelming to think that this situations can actually lead to all this!
I will be thinking of you and him tomorrow!

 

[BusynMember]

I thought hard about your announcement...and what to say. I guess, I'm sorry. It is so hard to get a child after it is too late. Yes, I think it was too late by the time you got him, although he was young. His infancy was ruined, he had no consistent caregiver, attachment disorder (sounds like the real deal) does not go away. The kids do not develop a conscience, which makes them dangerous.
I adopted an eleven year old who had severe attachment disorder, although we did not have that diagnosis for him when he arrived. We had to send him on his way for the sake of the rest of the family. He was destroying all of us. Hard to believe an boy so young could control us all and be as dangerous as ten adults, but he was. I understand why you are doing it and feel it is in everyone's best interests. This child should not be living with other children and may not even do well with two adults (he may need a lockup/Residential Treatment Center (RTC)).
I'm so sorry you have to make this difficult decision, but bet you feel like you have a brand new lease on life in about six months. And, in the end, most likely t his child will get worse and worse.
Big hugs to you and yours. Will be thinking of you.

 

[Methuselah]

I'm sorry, Ready. I'm sure the decision was a very, very difficult one. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

 

[ready2run]

thanks everyone. things are in motion now. we have contacted a lawyer and are waiting to hear back. i am also waiting to hear back from a CAS worker. i ended up contacting a worker who is an old friend of mine to ask for advice off the record so she is going to get back to me soon i hope. my letter is written up. we are not packing yet because who knows if this is happening soon or not. i warned his EA that husband and i were going to surrender custody of him so she is forwarned that someone may be coming to get him. i feel guilty now but i know it's still something i need to do to bring happiness to my home.
husband does not want further contact. he thinks it will be to hard on difficult child, and i guess i agree. he did not do well when maintaining contact with his previous caregivers after moving in with us. i think we just want updates now and then to see how he's doing and to be able to send him gifts anonymously for birthdays and stuff. i think husband is hoping he will get adopted, i'm not that hopeful but maybe someone will take him.
i did some research on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, insanecanadian, so thank you for your links. that will be something to discuss with the worker when she calls.

 

[rejectedmom]

I do understand your decision. I had to let a child go even though I loved him with my whole heart. He was a foster son Had been in 21 different homes and had 5 failed adoption placements before comming to me. He was very ED and threatened to kill me while I slept. i had him for over a year and we did actually bond as friends. It was heart breaking to let him go but he had been so abuse by his biomom that he could not accept another female. We had tried everything and he had so many rages and was so disruptive and dangerous to the other children. I worked very hard with DSS to find him a good and lasting placement. They listened to me for once and placed him in a single male parent home. He stayed there till he reached adulthood. It was not easy on his adopted father but he was a good man who stayed the course. I hope that your stepson finds an appropriate placement and that all of you will know peace in your homes.

 

[Mamaof5]

Northern Ontario? I'm in Northern Ontario as well. Consulting a lawyer is something you must definitely do and I think your husband should be seeing CAS as he has the biological connection to the child. CAS by law will not speak to someone who has not adopted a non-bio child so cover your bases before you attempt this. They may not take you seriously and may say that husband has to be the one (which I wouldn't be surprised that they will say this or do this because they need to cover their legal bases too).

You may find yourself paying CS to the CAS group home or foster family too (a small "price to pay" for lack of better words and it happens more often than not). The only way you avoid something like that and I'm not saying this to be cruel or hurt your feelings, it's a fact, is to TPR. Terminate Parental Rights. Your husband is the only one who can do this. You have no say in where they place the child either, if they seek family members out on either side (his, yours, bio-moms) and they say yes that's where he is placed.

You can't even call to check up on him either, it sucks because you've spent this much time with him as mom and they don't give a damn because you are not biologically connected (really really sucks because biology sometimes has nothing to do with being a parent at all). I'm sorry you are going through this, hit my inbox on here if you want resources or someone you want to talk to that understands our system and how it works. Or just someone who understands what its like to have a difficult child who is verbally and physically violent.