BusynMember1
Well-Known Member
Kay drinks too. It freaks me out. We neve drank around her. She smokes pot all the time For her both are problems. So we worry about it all but there is nothing we can do.
I am afraid of my 19 year old sons temper
- Thread starter Misty@0545
- Start date
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I remember when you first posted about this, RN.
I am glad you worked it out but I don't see his substance use and yours as the same. You and your husband did not because of your drinking arrive at a degraded life, with car crashes and hospitalizations and multiple treatment centers. You did not lose jobs, have to leave your home, steal pills or other things.
I am not downing our sons. I am saying that it's not the same thing to drink socially and to be dependent on drugs or controlled substances, and if our children do not see that, and see their potential peril, it's a problem.
The thing here is that it's not your problem. I guess I am seeing this, now. It's their problem.
My son is back home, to a property I own, living there with M. In two incidences he smoked marijuana on my property (that I know about). Once in my side yard, and in the other yard. When he smoked here, I made him leave both houses and he spent one night back in the big metro.
I realized quickly I did not want him gone. That it's just not worth it. I reiterated the boundary and I made peace with the idea that he'd use away from me, but not in my face. I have come to the acceptance, like you, that what he does away is just not my problem.
With my own son he does NOT get that the mj is a problem. He actually said this dumb thing: It's only that I spend too much money on it.
I guess the bottom line here is that the growing up is on both of our parts, mine and his. So, so much time on this board, the learning is our learning that we have no control, and it's not our business.
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RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
It's all what we accept and are willing to deal with.
I just don't think adult children should live with parents because what he does is none of my business and visa versa!!
Our son does know that he will not be able to smoke MJ when he is a welder or interviewing. He knows it's not worth it to lose any career over MJ. The fact that he admits this is huge because he was such a defender of MJ that it was sickening.
Yes you're correct. We controlled our drinking however my husband did drink too much when we first married. He has anxiety and I think he self medicated. He is not like that now thankfully.
I just don't think adult children should live with parents because what he does is none of my business and visa versa!!
Our son does know that he will not be able to smoke MJ when he is a welder or interviewing. He knows it's not worth it to lose any career over MJ. The fact that he admits this is huge because he was such a defender of MJ that it was sickening.
Yes you're correct. We controlled our drinking however my husband did drink too much when we first married. He has anxiety and I think he self medicated. He is not like that now thankfully.
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
These are eternal issues. We have a son of a similar age who recently got into very serious (felony) legal trouble. He is also a drug abuser. Over the last several months we have learned the true extent of his involvement in drug use - and sadly, also dealing. It is heartbreaking as a parent.
I will not allow our son to live with us due to his history of violent behaviors and his refusal to take the psychiatric medication he desperately needs in order to live calmly and peacefully among others. I am willing to provide financial and other material support. I am not willing to enable him.
He isn't my biological child so my spouse and I have had many difficult conversations around this subject, and I'm sure many more are to come. Though I'm not sure my stance would be different even if he was my biological kid.
In the end, you get to decide how much is too much. There are some people who are willing to endure absolute horror at the hands of their troubled children, up to and including assault and the endangerment of life and property. I am not willing to do that.
I agree with others who have posted that it is critical to accept that our children are CHOOSING their lifestyle and that nothing we can do will make them change their ways. Only they can make that choice, usually after they lose everything, get arrested, etc. And sadly, some have to suffer this way many times before they finally wake up. And even worse, some never wake up at all.
We can't live your life for you. Keep posting and try to find an Al Anon meeting if you can.
Please protect your innocent pets from your son. They don't deserve to be injured or killed by his carelessness and/or cruelty.
I will not allow our son to live with us due to his history of violent behaviors and his refusal to take the psychiatric medication he desperately needs in order to live calmly and peacefully among others. I am willing to provide financial and other material support. I am not willing to enable him.
He isn't my biological child so my spouse and I have had many difficult conversations around this subject, and I'm sure many more are to come. Though I'm not sure my stance would be different even if he was my biological kid.
In the end, you get to decide how much is too much. There are some people who are willing to endure absolute horror at the hands of their troubled children, up to and including assault and the endangerment of life and property. I am not willing to do that.
I agree with others who have posted that it is critical to accept that our children are CHOOSING their lifestyle and that nothing we can do will make them change their ways. Only they can make that choice, usually after they lose everything, get arrested, etc. And sadly, some have to suffer this way many times before they finally wake up. And even worse, some never wake up at all.
We can't live your life for you. Keep posting and try to find an Al Anon meeting if you can.
Please protect your innocent pets from your son. They don't deserve to be injured or killed by his carelessness and/or cruelty.
Misty@0545
New Member
Things are ok for now. He has the oppurtunity to work in a nearby restaurant and i went out and bought the needed clothes,,i just hope i am not disappointed when i get home and hes still there and not at job. It really sucks to dread going home and have that horrible feeling in your stomache
WhyDoWeFallBruce?
Member
Dear Misty,
First; he simply has to go. This is paramount, if you want to recover from this.
And then:
Al Anon or Nar Anon is the place to go. Please go as soon as you have the time. It will help you immensely, like all here say.
I was already into social dancing, when I learned of my sons addiction. It helps me keep focus and just enduces happiness. Even longer lasting feelings of happy, as the body loves all the endorphins it releases.
Also, I recommend meditation daily. Just 20 min. Get a challenge meditation app, if you’ve got a smartphone. They really help you start up.
I really feel for you. Such a hard thing to do.
And so neccesary.
Best,
P.
First; he simply has to go. This is paramount, if you want to recover from this.
And then:
Al Anon or Nar Anon is the place to go. Please go as soon as you have the time. It will help you immensely, like all here say.
I was already into social dancing, when I learned of my sons addiction. It helps me keep focus and just enduces happiness. Even longer lasting feelings of happy, as the body loves all the endorphins it releases.
Also, I recommend meditation daily. Just 20 min. Get a challenge meditation app, if you’ve got a smartphone. They really help you start up.
I really feel for you. Such a hard thing to do.
And so neccesary.
Best,
P.