I am so angry

[Skylark Matrix]

I met with difficult child last night -First of all I must say I was thankful before was I was angry - she went for her depo shot so yipee, no baby for a while again. She plans to go to the Dr soon to get help smoking which she started on Aug 11 when she left home, (I thought, more on this later) she had received her final paycheck from her resort job near home $500 for 8 days work, which was supposed to go for her rent $350 in 3 days, but instead she upgraded her computer and forgets where the rest went. She gets paid from her part time job on Sept. 7 and that won't be enough. She can't look for more work, because, well, school starts in 3 weeks and that won't work. So I got yelled again - in the cafe - about not helping her because I still "control" the joint account. It is all my fault that is in this situation and she would have kept her job at the resort but I wouldn't let her have a vehicle to make the 100 + mile trip each day - go figure... and she could not live at home because 'you and dad are impossible to live with." We parted under unhappy circumstances to say the least. On my drive home after my mammogram I got to thinking.... I want this to quit, so I tried and tried to phone, it takes a lot because although the cell phone is open and ready, she no longer answers my calls. Anyway, finally she did and I told her that I will use the money for Sept and Oct rent then its gone and its over and she has to sign a contract that it won't be my fault and that I will send it directly to the landlord because I don't want it used for cigarettes. So she started in on me about how i don't understand how hard it is to quit, etc etc. and I said No one is going to believe it is that hard to quit after 2 weeks, you'll just have to quit buying. Then she broke it to me that she has smoked continually while home, just not when we were around. And although that is not the worst thing in the world I am so angry that she has lied to us all this time, lied to us about where her money is going, not to mention the crankiness because we don't go out all that often and she probably wanted us to so that she could smoke. Also explains all the bathing at all times of the day and night. Combine that with the finding of a liquor bottle in her room in a house that NEVER had alcohol and I am just plain spitting mad about the whole thing. And for those of you who haven't read my previous posts, or kept track of the money this makes a grand whopping total of $1045 she has spent since August 11 and that total does not include the $270 of nsf cheques that are still out and about. I have a permanent job that doesn't pay that much in two week and I drive a new car !!!!

 

[Sunlight]

anger can be good. it will fuel you to make some changes and let people know you have boundaries.

 

[Hound dog]

Forgive me, I can't recall why you have a joint account with difficult child?

Why not close the account and force difficult child to responsible for her own money? Then you stop being the bad guy. And I have to agree with Nomad. She'd be paying me rent. If she didn't pay, she'd be finding her own place.

Anger can be very constructive.

Hugs

 

[witzend]

Ditto Daisy.

 

[Skylark Matrix]

I guess I just don't give enough info .... I'm not used to sharing info. She has been home since Nov 2006 after wandering around alberta for 8 months when she came home with no money, in fact I had to buy her bus ticket ho me. Has since told us frequently how much she hated it.About March I called her bluff and told her to do something about, save money, find a job, and move. She would put money in savings payday, and a week later it was all gone. Finally I offered to set up a dual signature account where she could put money in, but we both had to sign to get money out. A secret safety precaution for me so that she couldn't accuse me of taking money !!! I think!!!. finally she had $1000 by the end of June (she was making about $600 per month part time at a local service station, but had to buy gas for our vehicle that we let her use) which is what she needs for damage deposit, rent etc. June 1 she started a job at a nearby resort, still lived at home, still drove our vehicle and worked full time. In the meantime I had somehow (by the Grace of God) acquired a duplex in the town she needed to live in to go to college. I bought this so help my retirement and it would be convenient for her to live there with a girl friend also going to college. I was going to waive the damage deposit and she would have had enought to purchase a few things, tv, furnishings, etc. HOwever, she decided to quit hher full time job and leave without telling us because she couldn't stand it here one more minute. She is renting as a roomate in a strangers house for $350 per month. (side note - to share a unit in my duplex she and her friend would each have had to pay $300). She couldn't bear to move into the duplex and still be under my watchful eye -- she hates her friend who now has to find another place to live because she can't affored $600 by herself.
Anyway, I feel released today, I did send the money off to her landlord along with a note telling the landlord the cheques are dual signature and difficult child has to sign them before they can be cashed. No sending to difficult child because she would surely spend it.